Thread by @KiwiOnTheSticks

I had something really important to process during my weekend being masked at Twitchcon, that I’d like to share. 🧵💜

I always wear my mask back home, so it was nothing to me to decide to wear one to the convention and in the airport/plane too. It’s such normal part of me now! Of course I notice when I have it on but it’s no longer a question of if I’ll wear one. I will and I do!

The event I always look forward to is the Twitchcon Partner party. People are always happy to see me and talk to me, I get to profess my love for them!! Since I missed last year’s party (UUUUUGHHH) I was so ready to hit that rooftop and dance and eat and drink the night away

But… when I got there, I kept hearing “sorry I don’t have my mask” and “oh you’re still masking” and “I left my mask in the car” the entire night. I couldn’t stop being a reminder of masking although I wanted nothing more than to be seen and be normal, and I was sad as hell 😭😭

I felt like people weren’t excited to see me anymore. I was a reminder of something, an “other” to be cautious of, someone to hide from lest you be judged😭 I was so excited to see everyone but I /felt/ like I was bringing the mood down just being there with the mask on my face.

Mind you, I’ve been masking at every con since they began again in 2022. I still felt responsible for making people face the reason why I have to wear a mask, and thus feeling like a burden. I don’t think anyone made me feel that way, I just did. I feel guilty about that.

Twitchcon threw away masking in 2023 and I have long since accepted the lack of protections, the “con crud” ppl keep calling their covid, the denial. I don’t agree with it but I accept it. So it does make sense to me on the other end that people will just accept our fate too.

I just wish none of this ever happened. We deserve so much better. I felt my heart break a little more each time someone pitied me or explained their lack of a mask just bc I was masked.
I’m still fun! I still drink dance laugh and talk! I’m still Kiwi, just.. with a mask on

I think that’s what I needed to process. I felt so ✨ME✨ but a lot of my interactions were “omg that thing on your face” so I was just… having a hard time understanding it?
But the thing I want you to know is that thing on my face enables me to be here.

The ONLY reason I can be here is because of my mask. Masking makes life a little more accessible for me. It is the only thing that allowed me to walk through that door, to meet my business partners, to be on my first creator camp panel!!! The only reason.

So anyway, there is nothing wrong with anything any of you said, I just needed a reminder from myself that I’m still me. I needed to fight through the misunderstanding, the isolation, the judgment, and just… carry tf on. And I’m so glad @GavynXP was there to wipe my tears LMAO

I love all of the friendships, connections, and support we all shared this weekend. Thank you for allowing me to see myself and where I need to be strengthened. Thank you to those of you who masked whenever possible. I love you all and I’m grateful to have had this experience 💕