By popular demand, a brief(ish)overview of my life.
> born in the early 90s in the Bible belt
> precocious
> molested by my father from ages 2 to 4
> dad dies while driving drunk. I still remember viewing his body.
> introverted, loved reading
> few friends in elementary and middle school
> always got good grades, but found school boring
> stay home all of 8th grade by faking an illness because I don’t like being around the other kids
> atheist from an early age, spend my free time reading about philosophy and arguing on the internet
> first girlfriend, first kiss, and first sex at age 15
> relationship becomes ugly, mutually emotionally abusive, leaves scars
> next girlfriend is a theater kid, become friends with them even though I don’t do theater
> social skills improve with practice. Everyone at school thinks I’m a serial killer but likes me anyway
> start smoking cigarettes because a girl I cast a magic spell on to seduce (I know, this contradicts the atheism) offered me one after sex
> have a really great math teacher. She asks what I’m planning to major in. I say philosophy. She basically informs me I’m going to study physics instead, and gives me some books
> around this time, I get addicted to adderall and I also find the books she gave me fascinating. I start drawing hypercubes on everything and independently derive a result about the number of bounding m-surfaces of n-dimensional cubes
> adderall addiction leads to sleeplessness, which leads to hallucinations, so I quit
> partying all the time, drinking, smoking weed. Notorious for showing up to first period smelling like cigarettes
> outspoken about atheism, protest anti-gay bullying. People think I’m gay but I don’t care. Girls like me
> graduate a national merit scholar with 27 hours of AP credit, state school gives me a full ride
> double major in math and physics
> road trip to Occupy Wall St my first semester with 4 other people, trading off drivers so we don’t have to stop
> in NY, we spend the night in the house of a Russian dancing shoe salesman who also runs an import/export business of Damascus steel hunting knives made by a guy in a cabin in Siberia and electric-shock-based masturbation equipment
> he wakes us up in the morning by singing at the top of his lungs
> get in a car chase because we negotiated down our taxi fare and the other taxi drivers were mad about it
> date one girl in college, very pretty but very dumb. When the infatuation wears off and I realize how dumb she is, I break up with her
> turn 21, drinking gets very bad. Still graduate summa cum laude, two full degrees with over 200 total hours, outstanding senior in both the math and physics departments, perfect GRE score (well, I got 5.5/6 on the writing part)
> go to Stanford for mathematical finance. Finish one semester but take a leave because my mental health and substance abuse have become too much to handle
> live with my aunt and uncle for a while
> try again at Stanford, collapse into a puddle immediately, never leave my room, drop out
> post about suicide on facebook. A girl I knew in undergrad says she’s couch-surfing and as lost as me, and I’m welcome to come couch surf with her
> fly to Colorado to do this, we spend 6 weeks at her grandma’s farm. Grandma grows her own weed and spends her time watching infowars inside a netting she believes to be a Faraday cage. Very kind woman
> fly back to Palo Alto since I’m still paying rent, hang out there, then buy a van off craigslist for $900 and start traveling the country
> eventually we start dating. She insists on polyamory, I acquiesce (I don’t recommend this)
> settle in Albany, NY
1/?
> born in the early 90s in the Bible belt
> precocious
> molested by my father from ages 2 to 4
> dad dies while driving drunk. I still remember viewing his body.
> introverted, loved reading
> few friends in elementary and middle school
> always got good grades, but found school boring
> stay home all of 8th grade by faking an illness because I don’t like being around the other kids
> atheist from an early age, spend my free time reading about philosophy and arguing on the internet
> first girlfriend, first kiss, and first sex at age 15
> relationship becomes ugly, mutually emotionally abusive, leaves scars
> next girlfriend is a theater kid, become friends with them even though I don’t do theater
> social skills improve with practice. Everyone at school thinks I’m a serial killer but likes me anyway
> start smoking cigarettes because a girl I cast a magic spell on to seduce (I know, this contradicts the atheism) offered me one after sex
> have a really great math teacher. She asks what I’m planning to major in. I say philosophy. She basically informs me I’m going to study physics instead, and gives me some books
> around this time, I get addicted to adderall and I also find the books she gave me fascinating. I start drawing hypercubes on everything and independently derive a result about the number of bounding m-surfaces of n-dimensional cubes
> adderall addiction leads to sleeplessness, which leads to hallucinations, so I quit
> partying all the time, drinking, smoking weed. Notorious for showing up to first period smelling like cigarettes
> outspoken about atheism, protest anti-gay bullying. People think I’m gay but I don’t care. Girls like me
> graduate a national merit scholar with 27 hours of AP credit, state school gives me a full ride
> double major in math and physics
> road trip to Occupy Wall St my first semester with 4 other people, trading off drivers so we don’t have to stop
> in NY, we spend the night in the house of a Russian dancing shoe salesman who also runs an import/export business of Damascus steel hunting knives made by a guy in a cabin in Siberia and electric-shock-based masturbation equipment
> he wakes us up in the morning by singing at the top of his lungs
> get in a car chase because we negotiated down our taxi fare and the other taxi drivers were mad about it
> date one girl in college, very pretty but very dumb. When the infatuation wears off and I realize how dumb she is, I break up with her
> turn 21, drinking gets very bad. Still graduate summa cum laude, two full degrees with over 200 total hours, outstanding senior in both the math and physics departments, perfect GRE score (well, I got 5.5/6 on the writing part)
> go to Stanford for mathematical finance. Finish one semester but take a leave because my mental health and substance abuse have become too much to handle
> live with my aunt and uncle for a while
> try again at Stanford, collapse into a puddle immediately, never leave my room, drop out
> post about suicide on facebook. A girl I knew in undergrad says she’s couch-surfing and as lost as me, and I’m welcome to come couch surf with her
> fly to Colorado to do this, we spend 6 weeks at her grandma’s farm. Grandma grows her own weed and spends her time watching infowars inside a netting she believes to be a Faraday cage. Very kind woman
> fly back to Palo Alto since I’m still paying rent, hang out there, then buy a van off craigslist for $900 and start traveling the country
> eventually we start dating. She insists on polyamory, I acquiesce (I don’t recommend this)
> settle in Albany, NY
1/?
> doesn’t go well. Between my drinking, my inability to find work, and our fundamentally incompatible personalities, we fight a lot. I move back in with my mom
> drive for uber for a few months, decide that sucks, go to grad school for CS
> van girl comes to visit. I notice something is wrong with her teeth. She says it’s serious but she can’t afford to fix it. I offer to marry her so I can give her my health insurance, and we marry while still living apart
> stay in that master’s program for a year, mostly sober, but eventually the depression creeps in again and I stop showing up for classes and meetings, then drop out
> research possible careers, decide to be an actuary. Pass the first two tests, then start applying for jobs
> around this time, I fall down a reddit rabbit hole and decide the source of my woes is that I’m trans
> make an appointment at Planned Parenthood and walk out with an HRT prescription. Get new clothes. Start learning makeup
> interview with Geico as a man, get the job, show up for my first day of work in a skirt
> van girl moves to Maryland with me for the job, we try out living as married people. I’m sober, optimistic
> Covid hits, lockdowns ensue, we are stuck in the house together all day. We start fighting again. One day she says she wants a divorce. I start drinking again
> move back in with my mom, eventually quit job even though they like me and I’m good at it
> rebound with a woman who would become my second wife. Civil engineer
> don’t work for 2.5 years while I live with her. Retreat into myself. Mostly stay away from alcohol, but smoke a lot of weed. Start actually processing what happened to me as a kid
> we are poly and into all sorts of degeneracy. We host orgies, and we hang out with a lot of trans people. I start noticing how almost all the trans people I meet are pretty dysfunctional. I always made an effort to be humble and courteous when women included me, but most of the MtFs I meet are very entitled and also sexually aggressive. Just like men. I hate this, because I thought I was escaping maleness by transitioning but they’re everything I’ve always disliked about men. But they said the magic words, so apparently they’re women and I’m not allowed to notice their male-coded behavior.
> take a huge dose of mushrooms, sit in a dark room and type a note into my phone. My progressive worldview crumbles. I see how privileging kindness over all other virtues is destroying society and leading to more harm, not less. Have essentially a religious conversion experience away from progressivism.
> become a terf while still trans
> start reading about hereditarianism and behavioral genetics more broadly
> discover Blanchard’s model of transsexuality
> my political reorientation (and other factors) break my second marriage. I become homeless very quickly, with no time to prepare
> still mad at my mom for not noticing or preventing what happened to me as a kid, so I start doing prostitution to pay for a cheap hotel
> first client is okay, nice Chinese guy. He keeps me going for a while. But eventually I feel trapped and run off to Texas to be with a random guy I met on X. But I’m not actually into men and I can’t stand to touch him. Steal his switchblade and leave
> prostitution again. Convert one of my gigs into a startup pitch for an AI-driven tree servicing business, guy is interested, but I eventually fumble it by being crazy
> burn out, run out of money, move back in with mom
2/?
> drive for uber for a few months, decide that sucks, go to grad school for CS
> van girl comes to visit. I notice something is wrong with her teeth. She says it’s serious but she can’t afford to fix it. I offer to marry her so I can give her my health insurance, and we marry while still living apart
> stay in that master’s program for a year, mostly sober, but eventually the depression creeps in again and I stop showing up for classes and meetings, then drop out
> research possible careers, decide to be an actuary. Pass the first two tests, then start applying for jobs
> around this time, I fall down a reddit rabbit hole and decide the source of my woes is that I’m trans
> make an appointment at Planned Parenthood and walk out with an HRT prescription. Get new clothes. Start learning makeup
> interview with Geico as a man, get the job, show up for my first day of work in a skirt
> van girl moves to Maryland with me for the job, we try out living as married people. I’m sober, optimistic
> Covid hits, lockdowns ensue, we are stuck in the house together all day. We start fighting again. One day she says she wants a divorce. I start drinking again
> move back in with my mom, eventually quit job even though they like me and I’m good at it
> rebound with a woman who would become my second wife. Civil engineer
> don’t work for 2.5 years while I live with her. Retreat into myself. Mostly stay away from alcohol, but smoke a lot of weed. Start actually processing what happened to me as a kid
> we are poly and into all sorts of degeneracy. We host orgies, and we hang out with a lot of trans people. I start noticing how almost all the trans people I meet are pretty dysfunctional. I always made an effort to be humble and courteous when women included me, but most of the MtFs I meet are very entitled and also sexually aggressive. Just like men. I hate this, because I thought I was escaping maleness by transitioning but they’re everything I’ve always disliked about men. But they said the magic words, so apparently they’re women and I’m not allowed to notice their male-coded behavior.
> take a huge dose of mushrooms, sit in a dark room and type a note into my phone. My progressive worldview crumbles. I see how privileging kindness over all other virtues is destroying society and leading to more harm, not less. Have essentially a religious conversion experience away from progressivism.
> become a terf while still trans
> start reading about hereditarianism and behavioral genetics more broadly
> discover Blanchard’s model of transsexuality
> my political reorientation (and other factors) break my second marriage. I become homeless very quickly, with no time to prepare
> still mad at my mom for not noticing or preventing what happened to me as a kid, so I start doing prostitution to pay for a cheap hotel
> first client is okay, nice Chinese guy. He keeps me going for a while. But eventually I feel trapped and run off to Texas to be with a random guy I met on X. But I’m not actually into men and I can’t stand to touch him. Steal his switchblade and leave
> prostitution again. Convert one of my gigs into a startup pitch for an AI-driven tree servicing business, guy is interested, but I eventually fumble it by being crazy
> burn out, run out of money, move back in with mom
2/?
> start poasting a lot
> discover Nick Land, Curtis Yarvin
> see how the structure of all things is evolutionary, how mercy is synonymous with dissolution and decay, glimpse the mind of Gnon
> meet a Colombian lesbian heiress studying chemistry at Oxford
> offers to fly me out, says what she needs from me is aggression and intelligence
> she flies me out, we get along initially, she’s very into me
> turns out I’m a little too aggressive. I mention several possible solutions to Germany’s immigration problem that spook her, even though she speaks German and read me Hitler speeches
> she says I need to tone it down or leave, I elect to leave
> back in the states, I start teaching statistics to private clients I find on X. Favorite job so far, very rewarding
> meet another girl on X. Fall in love. Visit her several times. She’s perfect. She’s my dream, we are engaged
> starting to make more money, several exciting job prospects in the works, feel truly seen and connected to my fiancée in a way I have never felt before
> optimistic for the first time in a decade
> life is good
3/3
> discover Nick Land, Curtis Yarvin
> see how the structure of all things is evolutionary, how mercy is synonymous with dissolution and decay, glimpse the mind of Gnon
> meet a Colombian lesbian heiress studying chemistry at Oxford
> offers to fly me out, says what she needs from me is aggression and intelligence
> she flies me out, we get along initially, she’s very into me
> turns out I’m a little too aggressive. I mention several possible solutions to Germany’s immigration problem that spook her, even though she speaks German and read me Hitler speeches
> she says I need to tone it down or leave, I elect to leave
> back in the states, I start teaching statistics to private clients I find on X. Favorite job so far, very rewarding
> meet another girl on X. Fall in love. Visit her several times. She’s perfect. She’s my dream, we are engaged
> starting to make more money, several exciting job prospects in the works, feel truly seen and connected to my fiancée in a way I have never felt before
> optimistic for the first time in a decade
> life is good
3/3
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
