Thread by @IonaItalia

This was a fascinating read, by @moveincircles. I know I said I did not want to talk about it, but I've been (unwillingly) musing on why I am so morally horrified by this story—and was only physically grossed out by @Aella_Girl's similar antics. 1/

louiseperry.co.uk/p/the-myth-of-…

@moveincircles @Aella_Girl Aella seems like a genuine psychological outlier who *could* take pleasure in something like this. And she seems both more mentally robust and to have a MUCH higher IQ than Lilly Phillips, who is either an excellent actress or very naive and childlike. 2/

@moveincircles @Aella_Girl What is your culpability if you've chosen to do something to someone that they have asked you to do—but that you suspect (or even know) they don't *really* want? This is a question that's come up several times with friends who are polyamorous. 3/

@moveincircles @Aella_Girl Again, as with Aella, I suspect some outliers are fine with polyamory, but the cases I've known up close have involved attractive, charismatic men who wanted to have several girlfriends and whose girlfriends were desperately jealous & unhappy (which the guys very much knew). 4/

In BDSM circles, I believe they have (or used to have) a saying that any acts must be "safe, sane and consensual." This was probably consensual—even though that is straining my credibility a bit—but it was definitely neither safe nor sane. 5/

I identify as "high agentic," though I'd express it in terms of trait Disagreeableness. But maybe everyone thinks of themselves as a free agent? I'm also prudish. No sex outside of a serious relationship for me. But maybe I am an outlier in the other direction. 6/

I definitely think freedom is better for most women in most situations than coercion. More rapes occur in Pakistan than in Australia, I am certain. But freedom is *always* a double-edged sword because it also entails the ability to wreck oneself. 7/