Thread by @VodkaPundit

True story.

Last week, I had a @FedEx package that required a signature (my favorite Spanish brandy that has no Colorado distributor) so I kept my ears out for the FedEx guy that day it arrived. Met him out in the driveway and he was super-friendly. On time, too, so it isn't like FedEx screws up every delivery here.

Despite the official-looking FedEx truck and uniform, he works for a local contractor that takes care of the "last mile" part of deliveries. He told me I was supposed to have two packages (including the one that's *still* missing)...

..."But you're one of my last stops and I know it isn't in there."

Then he explained just how badly run FedEx is these days.

He told me it's always crazy around Christmas, especially when there's a snow storm like we had two weekends ago. "Lots of stuff comes back to the warehouse because of the roads," he said. But...

...he also told me that when stuff doesn't get delivered, at the end of the day the FedEx guys (not the contractors' employees like him) scan all the packages back into the system so the next delivery attempt gets quickly rescheduled.

"They're not doing that this year. They're just unloading the trucks without scanning anything. Nobody knows where anything is."

So after giving FedEx another four or five days to unscrew their screwup, I finally tried contacting their help account here on X.

The FedEx website is useless, BTW. There's a "virtual assistant" that can give you the same inaccurate tracking info (remember, they aren't scanning missed deliveries back in) you get without the virtual assistant. But back to my story...

My friendly delivery guy also told me that all the extra handling is making the barcode stickers come off (this happened to my missing package) which is causing some of the packages to get returned to the warehouse at the end of the day.

Keep all that in mind when I tell you what the @FedExHelp account told me in what I'm certain was an automated response.

"We are experiencing significant delays within our network which is causing problems with package transport through our system. We are making every effort to mitigate the impact of these delays to get all packages delivered as soon as possible."

Here's the thing. Everybody is super busy right now — UPS, Amazon, USPS... everybody.

But FedEx compounds the seasonal trouble with the bad practices my friendly delivery guy told me about.

I believe him, too, since last year I had FedEx refuse to deliver a new laptop from B&H Photo because my flimsy little fence (it's just enough to keep my geriatric dogs in the yard) confused and frightened the driver.

No joke. It took extreme intervention on my part to get my overnight delivery after almost a week — including getting accidentally transferred from their useless call center in India to the nice lady in the USA who handles hazardous material issues (!!!).

Deliveries shouldn't be this difficult, not even during peak holiday season. You'd think FedEx would know that since they're in the delivery business. But sometimes I wonder why they bother.

If you've read this far, I'll tell you the brandy. It's Gran Duque D'alba Reserve. If you'd like to gift me a bottle, you'll be my new best friend. Just don't ship it @FedEx, even though my local contractor guy is super friendly.

Here's a #protip I should have given you earlier. FedEx's call center people in India are authorized to do only two things: apologize and "file a report." One thing they aren't allowed to do is hang up on you. So after several days of pointless customer "support" calls, I harassed some poor service rep until they transferred me (without warning!) to the FedEx woman in the US who was able to help solve the problem in no time at all. Lesson: Don't outsource your customer support.