Thread by @SuburbanPolly

Things to get used to under a Poilievre Regime.

A thread 🧵 Real or satire, who knows?

#UnderaPoilievreRegime #NeverPoilievre #WomenAgainstPoilievre #cdnpoli

Pierre will begin on Day 1 and axe the carbon rebate and declare the Climate Emergency a hoax. He will ignore the drought, floods and wildfires. He will withdraw from NATO and the UN.

He will never get Top Secret clearance because, well, ask John Baird and his father in law.

Pierre will dissolve English CBC leaving many pundits who helped elect Pierre unemployed and even more Canadians uninformed. That’s how they get elected!

Amira Elghawaby will be fired because Islamophobia is just “woke” to Pierre. All the pro-Pal protests will be outlawed.

Pierre will continue to hold Axe the Tax rallies long after he axes the tax and will continue to say Justin Trudeau’s name long after he leaves public office. (It’s his identity).

His “Common Sense Cabinet” will have three women and be larger than Trudeau’s. That’s $250K pp.

Andy Scheer will become Ministry of Labour and (un)Employment and fire thousands of government workers on day 1. Just not the people who process his powerful paycheque. Strikes will be abolished.

The new Minister of Common Sense Health and Reproduction, Arnold Vierson, will enforce home births, make abortion illegal and outlaw birth control because women should be breeders. Especially white women.

There will be no Minister of Women and Gender because the former doesn’t matter and the latter doesn’t exist to Conservatives.

• Jordan Peterson will return.
• Pride parades will be abolished because rainbows are God’s creation!

LGBTQ what?

#UnderaPoilievreRegime

Michael Cooper will continue to pay his taxpayer-funded rent to Pierre and Ana, but at least he gets a minister’s salary.

He will be appointed Minister of (Burying) Foreign Interference by India and Russia, but China’s ok.

Garnet Genius will be appointed Minister of Heritage to promote people of Anglo heritage, English only, and make sure white dudes aren’t replaced.

Bathtub mouthpiece Michelle Ferreri will be appointed Minister of Disinformation and Bathroom Gender Inspections. No explainer needed.

Backbencher and former Patrick Brown campaign manager Michelle Rempel Garner will be Minister of National Security so India can intimidate her anytime they want, worked once.

Jamil Jivani will become Minister of State and tasked with US relations, ensuring we become the 51st State and Handmaids Tale incarnate.

JD will make him Veep once Trump is eased out for “dementia”.

Michael Barrett will become Minister of Free Expression. He will immediately ban all protests except for white people. They won’t protest anything because they will be supreme again and women and will speak only when permitted, once they have bred, cooked and cleaned. #WifeyLifey

Speaking of wifey, Ana Poilievre will be made the official First Lady of Canada and expedite the demolition of 24 Sussex Drive for the new White House but in Canada. It will be complete in 6 months, blueprints are ready, and bedding and cleaners purchased.

Ana will also be appointed a really important role because she’s super smart and pretty, just ask her. 🤩

Rick Perkins will be appointed Minister of Making Everyone Miserable. No change there.

Melissa Lantsman will become Minister of Immigration and ensure only white immigrants are allowed in the country and they must swear allegiance to Canadian values like camo, plaid, maple syrup and poutine-- no matter what.

Leslyn Lewis will become Minister of Christianity to ensure her religion is not usurped by any other. We will become the Maple Taliban. She will legislate prayer back in schools and force women to breed and men to wear blue suits and tight tees and open carry.

Michael Chong is one of the only sane CPC and will be forced out of the party.

Look for Senators Jordan Peterson, Preston Manning, Stockwell Day with lifetime appointments, and pensions.

Brian Lilley, Warren Kinsella and Chris Selley will be appointed to run the Ministry of State Media (Pierre’s Propaganda Agency, PPA).

The Child Benefit, the National School Food Program, and Canadian Dental Care programs will be abolished. Seniors and parents will complain but then admit they voted for Conservatives because they couldn’t stand Trudeau. Well played. 🙌

All guns will soon be legal and sadly, school shootings will be the norm. Homeschools will boom! Watch for domestic violence and family annihilations to skyrocket (not even funny). Conservatives don’t care because everyone with a gun is law-abiding right?

Groceries will get even more expensive because it had nothing to do with Trudeau. The Big 5 will just get richer. The Food Professor will continue his fight with Andrew Leach and Trevor Tombe over the best way to tackle climate change. 🤔

The Broligarchy will control everything from social media to shopping to food.

Whatever progressive media that exists will be dissolved. Right wing outlets will be subsidized.

What did I miss? Continue the thread. Leaving it open - for now -so the bots and trolls can amplify! #UnderaPoilievreRegime