Thread by @tradwifemom

So I went to Costco without a membership, I snuck around the card readers, I didn’t want to wait in line to get an actual membership or one day pass. They caught me in the store and asked me to leave or go to the service desk and get a membership. Instead of leaving I demanded free products and food and waved a Sam’s club flag in the middle of their store to show them just how much I love Costco and want to stay. When they still asked me to leave I began stealing whatever I could and threw frozen hamburger patties at security. They should have just let me shop there without a membership, I’m special!

I just don’t understand because although I’m a valid Sam’s Club member I was told I could come to Costco for the opportunity to try their amazing hotdogs for only $1.50, and when I got here some people were handing them out for free! Now suddenly no more free hotdogs and I’m asked to return to Sam’s? I need to continue to receive free hotdogs even if it means other valid Costco members will have to contribute a 0.20 cent fee at the door but I DESERVE THIS!

Now they are bringing people in from the business office to escort us non-members out to the parking lot!!! Can you believe it? Why would they feel the need? It must be Costcos CEO. I know some of my Sam’s club people have really damaged Costco, and even hurt other customers but this is WRONG!

The previous CEO let so many of us Sam’s club members in, they didn’t even check our membership at the Costco doors. They even gave us Costco gift cards to use. Lots of us were in trouble at Sam’s for some pretty horrendous crimes but costcos old CEO didn’t care. This new CEO asking us to leave and now calling in the business office is INCITING my rioting throughout the store, he clearly wants me to go crazy, right? I’m entitled to be here in Costco without a membership, even though some other people waited in line years for their membership I am better than them and more deserving.

I’m rallying my fellow Sam’s club members to light fires in all costcos in a certain radius to show them just how much we LOVE Costco!!! Make sure to wear your Sam’s club gear, I had some new shirts printed in bulk for our peaceful bonfires inside the stores!

I’ve managed to convince some valid Costco members that I am definitely special and deserving of free Costco membership (of course to be paid for by valid members). Costcos rules don’t apply to me because really my heart is with Sam’s club, I’m just here for samples they hand out and a discount on some decent toilet paper. Costco should get rid of all memberships actually, even though every other big box store has them, Sam’s can keep their walls and membership cards but Costco should transition to an outdoor flea market type of venue. It’s not fair that just members be entitled to $5 rotisserie chickens.

Us Sam’s club members are like really mad at the Costco business office people the CEO sent in. Even though the business office people took an oath to defend Costco policies from all enemies, regardless of their membership to Costco or Sam’s. Policy schmolicy!

Can I please remind current valid Costco members that it is fascist to love Costco. You must learn to coexist with other chains entering your store whenever they please. Do not show any Costco pride, this is harmful to Sam’s club members and hurts their feelings.

Guys calm down, I’ll only burn down one or two Costcos, peacefully. Then they’ll know that, I, a Sam’s club member, truly have a place here at Costco. Some cashiers may get hurt but it’s a price I’m willing to pay (not actually pay, I like things for free).

Some Costco employee in Minnesota recently admitted to actually being a Sam’s member, quite the scandal! Even though she’s been voting on the board of directors!! See, we Sam’s goers have infiltrated and influenced Costco at almost every level, if only that darn CEO and CFO weren’t out to get us, why should only Costco members get a say on what products they carry!

The audacity!! Some Costco members are saying this is what they voted for when they brought back their old CEO! I can’t believe they’d kick all of us Sam’s club members out! Sure, their prices have sky rocketed and we expected at least a vanilla ice cream cup for free a day. That’s it, I’m putting Sam’s banners up over all the Costco signs, that will convince you Costco freaks won’t it!

I want all you Costco members to know that I, a Sam’s club member am excepting and loving of all shoppers, no matter which club you shop at. However, if I see you promoting anything pro-Costco I will instantly label you anti-Sam’s. Opinions are only okay if you agree with mine.

Excepting/Accepting a hilarious Freudian slip.