Inspired by Don Henley's iconic song "Dirty Laundry" (from his 1982 album I Can't Stand Still) which skewers the media's love for scandals and kicking folks when they're down.
All credit to Henley and the original for the cynical vibe that shaped this satirical take. We love dirty laundry!
Ah, the media circus never sleeps kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down, especially when a cabinet shuffle drops fresh dirt!
No "Innovation" in her official title that portfolio got split off to Evan Solomon as Minister of Artificial Intelligence and Innovation or something similar.
But hey, the scandals? They just migrated with her. People love it when a demotion feels like a promotion and the whispers turn to economic fumbles.
Here's the updated dirty laundry, Henley style: Dirty little secrets, Dirty little lies, now with a trade war twist. We got our fingers in everybody's tariff pie!
𝐉𝐨𝐥𝐲'𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐩 𝐒𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐩-𝐔𝐩𝐬 (𝐔𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓)
I've kept the classics but added a fresh load from her Industry era. Think running bets in the Commons on the next auto sector bailout.
𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐭𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐱 𝐃𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞 (𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟕-𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖)
As Heritage Minister that infamous $500M Netflix deal skipped taxes and shortchanged Quebec creators sparking backlash and her first big shuffle demotion.
Classic case of looking good but not being clear whisper those cultural compromises.
𝐃𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐬 (𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐-𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒)
Premature embassy reopening’s in Kyiv that never happened, awkward laughs over Sikh assassinations and admitting she ignored Chinese interference briefs for a year. Expulsions from China and India? Juicy when alliances crumble.
Gaza "pauses" instead of ceasefires, arms export lawsuits from Palestinians, and regime change talk on Russia. It's interesting when international reps die on the vine.
𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 (𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑-𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓, 𝐏𝐫𝐞-𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞)
Praising US drug stances while Canada decriminalizes, pleading (unsuccessfully) against Chinese executions of Canadians. All while op-eds screamed "Fire her!" amid Trump-era trade spats.
𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐆𝐢𝐠, 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐆𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐬: 𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐬 (𝐌𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓-𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭)
𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐟 𝐓𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐫 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐟𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬: Facing US tariffs on steel, aluminum, and autos, Joly's been accused of fumbling responses publicly mimicking China's counter tariffs while ignoring a decade of Liberal policies that weakened Canada's industrial base (high costs, canceled infrastructure, punitive taxes).
Critics say she's hastening erosion by not rebuilding energy access or investor confidence. Other nations handle tariffs fine; Canada's fragility? Blame the "deep incompetence" from her and past Liberal crews.
Pledging $2B for affected workers? Sounds like a bailout for her own party's mess.
𝐄𝐕 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬: Automakers begged to scrap the Liberals' EV push to save jobs but Joly doubled down babbling "nonsense" about support without addressing the core issue.
Result? Predicted job kills and opposition calls of "capitulation."
𝐃𝐄𝐈 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡: Kept in cabinet (and "promoted") despite past flops?
X users roast it as a DEI disaster with Carney catching heat for not benching her. "In over her head again," they say, from Hamas echoes in Foreign Affairs to now industrial stumbles.
𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐜𝐡 𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐩-𝐔𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 𝐅𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐬: Recent pressers?
Agitated gestures, eye darting script reads and odd quips like "Canada is not for sale" or "very democratic" in research funding announcements.
Lacks polish, inspires zero trust defensive vibes undermining her economic warrior pose.
𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠: Fresh whispers of scandal Joly floating multi-billion financing for Chinese mining giants amid trade tensions. Just another day in the Liberal laundry cycle?
There it is, folks the pile's higher now with economic fragility as the new bleach blonde bubble head. We love to cut her down to size, especially when crap's king in cabinet. Kick her when tariffs hit, kick her all around! #JolyLaundry
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𝐏𝐫𝐞-𝐄𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 (𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐬)
Before becoming Liberal leader and Prime Minister, Mark Carney faced significant criticism for his tenure as Governor of the Bank of England (2013-2020) and other roles. These are often cited by opponents as evidence of policy missteps that contributed to economic issues.
Promotion of "radical environmentalist policies" like net zero emissions: Critics argued this reflected left wing bias and harmed economic growth, prioritizing climate goals over practical energy needs.
Handling of Brexit aftermath: Accused of printing too much money, sending mixed signals on interest rates and contributing to the pound's crash which exacerbated economic instability.
Stagnant growth and declining productivity: During his Bank of England leadership the UK experienced stalled living standards and low productivity with some blaming his monetary policies.
Perceived elitism and incompetence: Portrayed as a symbol of out of touch globalism with failures in financial stability reforms that didn't demonstrably improve outcomes.
Anti energy stance and vague disclosures: Criticized for opposing fossil fuels and lacking transparency is seen as part of a disappearing worldview rejected by working people.
Failure to improve Canadian economy during earlier roles: As Governor of the Bank of Canada accused of not addressing key issues with echoes in campaign criticisms of "failed ideas."
𝐂𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 (𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐔𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟐𝟖, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓 𝐄𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧)
During the 2025 federal election campaign Carney was accused of misleading tactics and policy vagueness which helped him win but drew backlash for dishonesty.
Lying about Brookfield Asset Management's head office move: Conservatives accused him of misrepresenting his role in relocating the firm from Toronto damaging his credibility.
Echoing "failed ideas" from past Liberal policies: Promised to "build a new Canadian economy" but criticized for recycling ineffective approaches was seen as out of touch banking elitism.
Fearmongering about public sector job cuts: His campaign including ally Bruce Fanjoy falsely claimed Pierre Poilievre would slash 100,000 jobs while Carney later implemented similar cuts.
Being "too stiff on the hustings" and politically inexperienced: Despite his resume faced criticism for awkward campaigning and reliance on anti Trump sentiment rather than substantive plans.
Alright, strap in, because we’re diving deep into the murky waters of Gregor Robertson
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐨𝐫 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐁𝐮𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐞
Gregor Robertson, former mayor of Vancouver from 2008 to 2018 is no stranger to controversy. He swept into the mayor’s office on a wave of promises such as end homelessness by 2015, make housing affordable, clean up the streets.
Sounds noble, right? But hold the applause. Under his watch Vancouver’s housing market didn’t just spiral it detonated. The average price of a detached home went from $942,000 (inflation adjusted) in 2008 to a jaw dropping $1.8 million by 2018. That’s a $230 daily increase in home prices, every single day, for a decade. Rents and condo prices followed suit, turning Vancouver into one of the most unaffordable cities on the planet.
Now, you might think, “Well, maybe he tried his best.” But peel back the curtain. Critics argue Robertson’s policies or lack thereof fueled this crisis. His Vision Vancouver party cozy with developers pushed density bonuses and incentives like the STIR program, which gave developers sweet deals to build rental units. The catch? These units often weren’t affordable and the public got fleeced while developers raked in profits.
Blogger Randy Helten, who ran City Hall Watch called it outright: Robertson “panicked” after the 2008 financial crisis and got swayed by his donor buddies in the real estate game. Vision Vancouver’s campaign coffers were stuffed with cash from developers, unions and left wing supporters raising eyebrows about whose interests he was really serving.
And that promise to end homelessness? A total bust. By 2018, Vancouver’s homeless count hit 2,181, up from 1,576 when he started. Robertson blamed everyone else, provincial governments, federal governments even “offshore investment” but never took the heat himself. In 2018, he told The Guardian he “wouldn’t have dreamed the crisis would get this intense,” as if he were an innocent bystander. Convenient, isn’t it? A mayor who claims powerlessness while the city he runs becomes a playground for the ultra wealthy.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 “𝐑𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝” 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐲
Here’s where it gets spicier. During his tenure, Vancouver’s housing market was flooded with foreign capital particularly from mainland China.
When researchers like Andy Yan at Simon Fraser University pointed out that 66% of homebuyers in certain areas had non-Anglicized Chinese names, suggesting foreign investment was driving prices, Robertson didn’t just dodge the issue, he played the race card. He called Yan’s study “racist,” despite Yan being Chinese himself and the data being backed by then MLA David Eby (who later apologized for supporting it). Robertson’s dismissal shut down critical discussions about foreign money, letting the market run wild while locals were priced out.
Why the deflection? Was he protecting powerful interests?
Hints on X from 2025 suggest that Robertson’s silence on foreign capital might tie to his personal connections. The optics are terrible, a mayor who cries “racism” to avoid tackling a real issue, all while his city becomes a global hub for real estate speculation.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 $𝟏𝟏 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐄𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞
Now, let’s talk about this juiciest piece of dirty laundry: Robertson’s personal wealth. In June 2025, Conservative MP Scot Davidson dropped a bombshell in Parliament, accusing Robertson of owning a $10–$11 million real estate empire including properties in Vancouver, Tofino and beyond. A $2.8 million, 11 acre property with a “semi-custom” dwelling on Pacific Rim Highway near Tofino? That’s just one piece of his portfolio.
X users went wild calling it a “massive conflict of interest.” How can a housing minister tasked with making homes affordable profit from sky high real estate prices?
Worse, Blacklock’s Reporter claimed Robertson tried to hide these assets when questioned by Parliament, only disclosing them after pressure. He insisted he’d follow “parliamentary ethical rules,” but the damage was done. To skeptics, this looks like a fox guarding the henhouse a minister who benefits from the very crisis he’s supposed to fix.
Canada’s Ukraine Reconstruction Involvement (Follow the Billions)
While BlackRock just quietly shelved its private Ukraine recovery fund (a flashy project now on ice thanks to U.S. political uncertainty), Canada has been funneling money into Ukraine through state-backed schemes, with almost no public debate or transparency.
What’s Canada Really Doing? 1. 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐑𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐋𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐔𝐤𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞
Canada seized about C$2.5 billion from Russian state assets and handed it directly to the Ukrainian government.
This wasn’t humanitarian aid, it was a budget injection. Ukraine can spend it however it wants.
No clear accountability. No public oversight. Just one G7 country wiring another money using foreign-held assets as collateral.
2. 𝐆𝟕’𝐬 $𝟓𝟎 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐔𝐤𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞
Canada signed on to the G7’s mega-loan plan: a $50 billion package backed by interest on frozen Russian assets.
Canada’s tab? C$5 billion in guarantees and loans.
The deal is structured like a credit card backed by stolen collateral—the interest goes to Ukraine, the risk stays with G7 taxpayers.
3. 𝐄𝐑𝐀 𝐋𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐞
Canada pledged US$5 billion into the "Extraordinary Revenue Acceleration" loan system.
These are not gifts. They’re high-risk loans that Ukraine may never repay.
If Ukraine defaults (which many expect), Canadian taxpayers eat the loss.
1. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬: 𝐀 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞
They didn’t need a strong hand at Public Safety—they wanted someone who wouldn’t interfere.
RCMP, CSIS, and CBSA are already run by career bureaucrats and intelligence holdovers.
What the system needed was a figurehead, someone obedient, who lacks the expertise to question anything.
By appointing Gary someone with no firearm, security, or military background they effectively neutralized civilian oversight.
He won’t resist, won’t expose, and won’t understand what’s really happening inside the intelligence files.
You can’t blow the whistle on a machine you don’t even know exists.
2. 𝐀 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲: 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝
Gary checks every box for modern political optics:
Visible minority
Refugee background
Human rights lawyer
Tamil diaspora ties
Soft spoken, loyal Liberal
Perfect for deflecting criticism.
Anyone who challenges his lack of qualification gets branded as racist, xenophobic, or anti-immigrant.
Journalists? Silenced.
Firearm advocates? Discredited.
Civil liberties critics? Painted as “extreme.”
Weaponized diversity: Not for inclusion, but for immunity.