Thread by @planet_anthro

Long 🧵. Sorry.

We need to talk.

I've never done anything to anyone in the pro-Ukraine Xitterverse that would result in someone being a victim. Yet I'm being asked by a dude in a DM group to stay away from victims of attack by a group because I follow certain accounts.

Image Source: independenceplus.com/blog/5-keys-of…

He won't tell who he's passing a message on from. I don't know exactly who has been attacked so I don't know who I'm supposed to be staying away from. He's blocked me so I can't communicate directly with him about that.

He's made people in a previously harmonious DM group feel uncomfortable. An extremely valuable member of the group left. Another significant member has expressed their displeasure about the crap brought into the group.

In the group there was a call for unity and to remember why we're here - UKRAINE. I've written countless threads on unity and why we need to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us. I've even been critiqued and criticised for it, but I stand by it.

One of the things I learnt from Narcotics Anonymous is to let compassion be my code. I'm human. Sometimes I'm more human than others. I don't always manage it. It's aspirational though. I try.

The way I roll is that I see all who are pro-Ukraine, pro-human rights and dedicated to the principles of democracy as family. Some family members you love and click with. Some family members drive you nuts but you tolerate them. Then there's all the people that fall in between.

With this in mind, I feel like the value of a friendship is that you can safely have in-depth conversations about dangerous ideas, especially areas where you see things differently.

Even if you disagree, in discussing the disagreement you have a new and deeper understanding about other people's perspectives and the relationship is actually stronger for having prosecuted difficult subject matter.

I actually enjoy conversing with people that don't share my world view or have a different opinion on something. It informs me on how other people think and why, opens my mind to other perspectives and helps me understand why some things are the way they are in the world.

If we who came together to support Ukraine in its fight for freedom to choose democracy can't engage in good faith, deeper conversations about challenging ideas without becoming adversaries, doesn't that seem the antithesis of democratic principles?

If we can't have open dialog without different collectives within our movement turning against each other, doesn't that make a mockery of what we're fighting for?

This week, as a result of this stuff, I've been blocked by 3 people I know of and probably more I don't know about. Two of the 3 I considered friends. I had both of them on Signal as well. One of them was in a small Australian group of mine. They left the group.

Due to our shared concern with Ukraine, the fact that we are both Australian, and him being in a small, intimate group of close friends it never dawned on me we couldn't have a conversation about something difficult and remain friends.

I'm always shocked by it when people discard me so easily. Not because I'm anything special, but because I go into all my relationships with a desire to care for and develop them. I work on relationships, dig deep for understanding, compassion and forgiveness, often to my own detriment, so it's extremely jarring to be thrown away.

Then for the people that block because of a small disagreement there are a few that will block because that person recommends their friends do it.

In this case I'm being blocked not because of my actions but because of who I follow. How whack is that? How bout you judge me on what I do? This has been going on since the start of the full scale invasion so I am getting a lot more philosophical about it but it's still extremely disappointing.

I need to find a way to be more emotionally reserved as I develop relationships with people so it doesn't hurt as much if they go pear-shaped. Boundaries. I've always sucked at boundaries.

It's sad though. If I hold back to protect my heart then I'm not fully in and experiencing the true potential love with those who are genuine.

This also makes me question what I'm putting my energy into. If we can't operate with democratic principles is that something I want to support? Am I better to focus my energy on the plight of First Nations Indigenous Australians instead? Or is this just a function of the toxicity of social media, more than related to Ukrainian advocacy circles?

I know that the medium of communication being predominantly text-based contributes significantly to misunderstandings which often give rise to discord. I'm going to write about this soon. I have written about it before but I'd like to do a deeper dive and present the info more comprehensively.

What's the purpose of this waffle? It's a call to arms to focus on what unites us and try to accept the things that might divide. By accept, I don't mean condoning things you don't feel you can. I'm suggesting we can see aspects of a person as a small part of what makes them who they are, not what defines them in their totality, which might assist us in having a more powerful effect on the things we care about collectively.

Side benefits?
Great friendships that truly enrich your life.
Developing tolerance and compassion.
Developing / enhancing skills in civil discourse.

Look out for my 🧵 on the limitations and challenges of text based communication and how on a platform whose business model relies on rage baiting and conflict to elicit and maintain engagement this leads to destruction and weakening of any advocacy movement.