Strangers can be forced to fall in love.
In just 45 minutes.
In 1997, a psychologist found a way,
by asking 36 questions.
It worked so well the two strangers married.
Here's the secret science behind making anyone fall in love (and keep it for life):🧵
In just 45 minutes.
In 1997, a psychologist found a way,
by asking 36 questions.
It worked so well the two strangers married.
Here's the secret science behind making anyone fall in love (and keep it for life):🧵
In 1997, a psychologist named Arthur Arons was obssesed with a theory:
He didn’t believe love had to be mysterious. That it would just happen.
He believed it could be engineered.
So he tested it in a lab, with total strangers.
What happened next shocked everyone...
He didn’t believe love had to be mysterious. That it would just happen.
He believed it could be engineered.
So he tested it in a lab, with total strangers.
What happened next shocked everyone...
He brought a few college students who've never met eachother before.
And paired them.
They sat in a lab face-to-face.
Nothing else, just them with a list of questions, and 45 minutes on the clock.
And paired them.
They sat in a lab face-to-face.
Nothing else, just them with a list of questions, and 45 minutes on the clock.
The rules were fairly simple:
Participants had to take turns reading the questions aloud and answer honestly.
Then hold eye contact for 4 uninterrupted minutes.
No talking. Just stare.
That’s it.
Participants had to take turns reading the questions aloud and answer honestly.
Then hold eye contact for 4 uninterrupted minutes.
No talking. Just stare.
That’s it.
But the genius was in the questions.
They were split into 3 tiers of vulnerability:
Tier 1: Comfort & curiosity
Tier 2: Emotional & values-based
Tier 3: Deep personal truth
Each answer unlocked more intimacy.
(Here are all the questions):
They were split into 3 tiers of vulnerability:
Tier 1: Comfort & curiosity
Tier 2: Emotional & values-based
Tier 3: Deep personal truth
Each answer unlocked more intimacy.
(Here are all the questions):
For example:
Tier 1: "Would you like to be famous?"
Tier 2: "What do you value most in a friendship?"
Tier 3: "When did you last cry in front of someone?"
From surface-level to soul-level... fast.
Tier 1: "Would you like to be famous?"
Tier 2: "What do you value most in a friendship?"
Tier 3: "When did you last cry in front of someone?"
From surface-level to soul-level... fast.
It worked.
The participants felt emotionally close, quickly.
One couple fell so hard, they got married six months later.
They invited the entire research team to the wedding.
But what really made it happen?
The participants felt emotionally close, quickly.
One couple fell so hard, they got married six months later.
They invited the entire research team to the wedding.
But what really made it happen?
The science behind it:
Aron designed the questions to trigger neurochemicals.
Dopamine (desire)
Serotonin (feel good)
Oxytocin (bonding)
Your brain starts to associate that person with safety, thrill, connection.
Boom: Love.
Aron designed the questions to trigger neurochemicals.
Dopamine (desire)
Serotonin (feel good)
Oxytocin (bonding)
Your brain starts to associate that person with safety, thrill, connection.
Boom: Love.
This experiment proves love isn’t an accident, it’s a pattern.
But after 20+ years of marriage, I’ve learned something…
The real magic isn’t falling in love in 45 minutes.
It’s staying in love for 45 years.
And that happens when you never stop asking those questions.
But after 20+ years of marriage, I’ve learned something…
The real magic isn’t falling in love in 45 minutes.
It’s staying in love for 45 years.
And that happens when you never stop asking those questions.
My wife and I didn’t meet in a lab. But we did meet in a moment where the masks came off.
Neither of us were performing or pretending.
We met with truth.
We both were interdependent to each other and we always been opened about it.
Neither of us were performing or pretending.
We met with truth.
We both were interdependent to each other and we always been opened about it.
Pretending can get you applause.
But it won’t get you the respect, desire, and ease you actually want at home.
I’ve coached driven men who’ve conquered careers, and bank accounts.
They were kings in the boardroom, and strangers in their own living room.
But it won’t get you the respect, desire, and ease you actually want at home.
I’ve coached driven men who’ve conquered careers, and bank accounts.
They were kings in the boardroom, and strangers in their own living room.
I know, because I lived it.
I spent years mastering performance.
But it wasn’t until I stopped performing at home that real connection, and real love began.
These moments lit the spark.
I spent years mastering performance.
But it wasn’t until I stopped performing at home that real connection, and real love began.
These moments lit the spark.
If you want to maintain that spark for a long run, guard the 3 Cs:
Chemistry – Shared values.
Commitment – The glue that keeps it lasting.
Connection – A safe space where both feel seen & heard.
Lose one, and the whole thing starts to crumble.
Chemistry – Shared values.
Commitment – The glue that keeps it lasting.
Connection – A safe space where both feel seen & heard.
Lose one, and the whole thing starts to crumble.
Early in our marriage, I made the same mistake most of us make in love:
I tried to perform my way into connection... doing more, achieving more, providing more.
But you can’t out-perform emotional distance.
You have to close the gap.
I tried to perform my way into connection... doing more, achieving more, providing more.
But you can’t out-perform emotional distance.
You have to close the gap.
Closing the gap means naming what’s really going on inside you.
Listening past your partner’s words to what’s underneath, and dropping the mask even when you’re scared it’ll cost you.
That’s where real intimacy lives.
Listening past your partner’s words to what’s underneath, and dropping the mask even when you’re scared it’ll cost you.
That’s where real intimacy lives.
The same willingness that lets two strangers fall in love in 45 minutes...
...is what keeps a couple in love for 45 years.
You just have to keep asking, and answering the questions that matter.
So here’s my challenge to you:
...is what keeps a couple in love for 45 years.
You just have to keep asking, and answering the questions that matter.
So here’s my challenge to you:
Tonight, ask your partner one question that goes beyond the surface.
Not “How was your day?”
But “What’s one thing you wish I understood about you right now?”
And then... really listen.
Not “How was your day?”
But “What’s one thing you wish I understood about you right now?”
And then... really listen.
That’s how you engineer love that lasts.
Not just by sparking it once, but by choosing it, over and over, without the mask, without the performance.
Because love isn’t found. It’s built.
Every. Single. Day.
Not just by sparking it once, but by choosing it, over and over, without the mask, without the performance.
Because love isn’t found. It’s built.
Every. Single. Day.
If this touched something real, something you don’t usually say out loud, I share more like it at @RealBrandonHawk.
Drop a comment if it hit. I read every one.
Drop a comment if it hit. I read every one.
https://x.com/RealBrandonHawk/status/1957092768678871048
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