Dissecting the Murdoch Drain on Dollars 💸🦊
How Rupert’s billion-dollar Shakespearean farce ended with Lachlan crowned King of Fox, siblings paid off like reality-show contestants, and Bill Barr wandering in from stage left.
Let’s break it down…🧵
1/
The Shakespearean Farce
Not Succession. Not even Shakespeare.
This was Succession rewritten by Monty Python.
A 94-year-old billionaire pushing “Project Family Harmony” — aka a hostile coup with Bill Barr as the house solicitor. Harmony, my arse.
How Rupert’s billion-dollar Shakespearean farce ended with Lachlan crowned King of Fox, siblings paid off like reality-show contestants, and Bill Barr wandering in from stage left.
Let’s break it down…🧵
1/
The Shakespearean Farce
Not Succession. Not even Shakespeare.
This was Succession rewritten by Monty Python.
A 94-year-old billionaire pushing “Project Family Harmony” — aka a hostile coup with Bill Barr as the house solicitor. Harmony, my arse.
2/
Family Therapy, Murdoch-Style
Prue, Liz, and James just bagged $1.1 billion each for saying, “Dad, we’re sick of you.”
That’s not inheritance — that’s hush money.
They were literally labelled “the objecting children.” Sounds like a Netflix special.
Family Therapy, Murdoch-Style
Prue, Liz, and James just bagged $1.1 billion each for saying, “Dad, we’re sick of you.”
That’s not inheritance — that’s hush money.
They were literally labelled “the objecting children.” Sounds like a Netflix special.
3/
Democracy, Fox Edition
Rupert once promised equal control. Noble, until he realised democracy only works under Fox’s definition: one man, one Lachlan.
The judge called their scheme a “carefully crafted charade.” That’s not law — that’s a theatre review.
Democracy, Fox Edition
Rupert once promised equal control. Noble, until he realised democracy only works under Fox’s definition: one man, one Lachlan.
The judge called their scheme a “carefully crafted charade.” That’s not law — that’s a theatre review.
4/
Bill Barr Cameo
Yep, that Bill Barr. Once done bending the U.S. Constitution, now doing freelance duct tape jobs on Rupert’s trust fund.
The commissioner: “Abuse of discretion.” Translation: Barr’s law degree doubles as a Happy Meal toy.
Bill Barr Cameo
Yep, that Bill Barr. Once done bending the U.S. Constitution, now doing freelance duct tape jobs on Rupert’s trust fund.
The commissioner: “Abuse of discretion.” Translation: Barr’s law degree doubles as a Happy Meal toy.
5/
Murdochopoly
Lachlan’s prize: Fox, WSJ, and The Post.
The world’s worst Monopoly set.
Collect lies on “Go.”
Pay $200 in credibility fines.
Go directly to Tucker. Do not pass Go.
Murdochopoly
Lachlan’s prize: Fox, WSJ, and The Post.
The world’s worst Monopoly set.
Collect lies on “Go.”
Pay $200 in credibility fines.
Go directly to Tucker. Do not pass Go.
6/
The Irony Clause
Rupert: “Protector of the conservative voice.”
Reality: His family needed a Reno probate judge to stop strangling each other with trust deeds.
Empire frozen until 2050. Twenty-five more years of Tucker wannabes. Pass the cyanide.
The Irony Clause
Rupert: “Protector of the conservative voice.”
Reality: His family needed a Reno probate judge to stop strangling each other with trust deeds.
Empire frozen until 2050. Twenty-five more years of Tucker wannabes. Pass the cyanide.
7/
Rich People Problems
Your family fight: “Who’s doing the dishes?”
Theirs: “How do we structure a $3.3 billion payout without a trust implosion?”
50 lawyers. Reno trials. Harvard Club meetings. Peak passive aggression, billionaire edition.
Rich People Problems
Your family fight: “Who’s doing the dishes?”
Theirs: “How do we structure a $3.3 billion payout without a trust implosion?”
50 lawyers. Reno trials. Harvard Club meetings. Peak passive aggression, billionaire edition.
Closer:
The Murdochs just spent billions proving the only thing stronger than family love… is their love of controlling headlines.
But hey — at least Succession writers got free material for Season 10.
We wonder. Is there any TAX liabilities?
The Murdochs just spent billions proving the only thing stronger than family love… is their love of controlling headlines.
But hey — at least Succession writers got free material for Season 10.
We wonder. Is there any TAX liabilities?
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