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Like when my child goes to swim practice this evening. 😊
So I've read this and as a self-described feminist, you may be surprised to hear that I'm siding with the guy on this. I'm annoyed by her.
In my opinion, the REAL issue is her insecurity about coming into a relationship financially insecure, not the prenup. She's a mess.
I don't really care for people who believe they are somehow morally superior for not respecting money. Especially, when they're bad at it.
They're both in their early 40s and she's both proud and embarrassed by how relatively little she's accumulated. Judges him for having it.
She implies that he traded his real passions to be a "rock journalist" to be a sell out working in finance for financial stability. Ok.
He likely ONLY married her because they had a child together. He doesn't trust women because he's gotten burned by previous girlfriends.
She likely ONLY had a child w/ him because he IS financially secure. Listen. She's 40+ & white. White women don't like struggle. I've told u
She thinks prenups are "humiliating".
I think they're *essential* when large amounts of wealth are involved. Marriage isn't a game. Contract
Control of money is about power.
Control of money is about power.

This is why I advocate both parties to come with their OWN.
Esp women.
Women have more education and are earning more than ever. Women have a responsibility to learn how to manage it in order to keep their POWER
When a woman is barely earning $40k but talking about how she won't date men who earn less than $75k. My stank face be like -
Where do they teach people that, seriously? When did that come to be? I have never understood this.
When I talk about #AssortativeMating and like marrying like -- I really do mean BOTH parties.
As in balance of power. Demand what you ARE.
An ideal situation is both parties coming together as *equally as possible* to balance the power dynamic. For the WOMAN'S benefit, mainly.
You do not want to be with a man who feels like he OWNS you. Again, that's the ideal in MY opinion for the modern era.
Like, the woman doesn't even have to work the entire time (e.g. stay at home moms), but she should have the *capacity* to earn. Skills.
Is it unreasonable for women who earn $40k to *demand* access to men who earn $50 - $60k? Absolutely not. Husbands are 2 yrs older on avg
But sometimes people just sound ridiculous with their expectations of potential partners, likely literally setting themselves up to fail. 🙄
"Trophy wives" are earners today, Boo Boo.
For the simple fact that more women finish college & are in the workforce. Wise men seek them.
Notice I said "wise men" because those are the ones paying attention. Payoff 4 choosing an educated woman=financial security & smarter kids
Think I'm kidding?
Come visit the aliens in DC.
MDs married to MDs
Attorneys married to Attorneys
PhDs married to PhDs
NOT exaggerating.
So *my feminism* says you want a partner who earns more? Earn it yourself first. I like equals.
I like women holding power over the money.
Cause the prenup shouldn't be unilateral.
Women should desire it *just as much as men*.
When have I ever said, women should "marry up" without saying "women should marry same" in the same sentence?🤔 Usually I say "SAME or UP".
When I was in my late 20s & taking off as a consultant, oh honey I changed my dating parameters overnight. 😂 Sought a whole new social group
I felt powerful.
I knew what I was bringing to the table and what power dynamic I wanted with a man.
This is a good point. However, keep in mind I'm only suggesting meeting equally *initially*.
Off-ramps are common.

It is not uncommon and actually very likely that the woman will pause or scale back her career to care for kids temporarily
It is also not uncommon for one party to still be in school or decide to go back (grad/ doctorate) that's when *potential* earnings factor.
No one should be taking on debt to acquire more education unless there is some ROI. There is more info than ever about salaries of careers.
So based on what someone is studying and their career track you can gain a sense of their employability & mid-career earnings thru research.
I advocate that women acquire an education and marketable skills to support herself, first & foremost. Basically, the opposite of essay lady
The lady in the essay is screwed from the jump because she's *never* had his respect for managing money. How you initially meet matters.
She is not the same as the woman who *comes to the table initially with financial knowledge*. She's almost infantile about money.
It's a choice.
But there's no way around it.
If a woman doesn't prioritize her own financial security while single? Will feel inferior w/man
The woman in the essay - extra proof that she's dumb? *Negotiating is part of the process*.
It's his lawyer's job to protect HIM. #GirlBye 🙄
The whole time I'm reading this like - please get your dumbass off my phone. Have your lawyer amend and sign the shyt. Or don't.
But see that's what overly (unnecessarily) emotional "what's money got to do with love?" people do.
They forget how COMMON divorce is.
He can't really LOVE me cause he wants us to sign a prenup.
In closing this long ass thread😊 just want to end on this. Be careful abt commoditizing your youth & beauty to wealthy men as the whole deal
There's a certain kind of man looking for that dynamic & in longterm it usually doesn't work out for the woman (divorce settlement aside).
Meaning, there may be a LOT of abuse of power (in the interim) because he controls the money. I can't clap to that dynamic. Why I say avoid
I don't agree. Maybe for their child, yes.
She's a financial liability based on her overall relationship with money
I will NEVER side with the person who's irresponsible and indifferent about managing money. *I* wouldn't have married her. 😕

Who said women should date men who earn LESS than they do?
Certainly not I. 🤔

I don't like siding with men, because when children are involved, women get short stick.
But he's right to be wary.😕
Her:"I left corporate to follow my passions. Now I'm 41 & broke."

Also her: "Matt didn't follow his passion he valued financial stability."
What she DIDN'T say:
But see, cause I'm a college-educated white woman, I'm going to secure my child's future.
I didn't choose a deadbeat"🙄
If you don't care about money, only passions, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T HAVE A BABY with your passion-chasing broke male counterpart, Boo?🤔
Are you seeing why I can't with her?
White women, yo. They stay coming to WIN. Suffering ain't their forte. Never. Know this.
This book right here spills all the tea. I know her life is in this book.
Bet you $ that she's decent looking and Matt is now balding.☕
Matt didn't really want to get married. Matt just didn't want his child to feel bastardized among other upper middles.
He's a HOBBY Hippie🤣
The *majority* of college-educated black women are NOT marrying up. Thassa lie.
Other women of same cohort? YES.

High profile folks have been demanding that black women "marry down" for the past 30 yrs and *unfortunately for us*, we listen.
And I can now say *unfortunately* with confidence because the data are in & black women have gotten nothing out of it but HIGHEST divorce..
... and LOWEST social mobility for our children. Meanwhile, similarly educated white & Asian women have been power coupling & coming up.😕☕
Apparently, you know a lot-- cause yes to this!!

Cite your source for this, please. Women doing the SAME job, SAME credentials, SAME hours with THIS much pay gap.
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