CERN: we stared at antimatter and are pretty sure reality is fake
top physicists:nothing is real, according to theory
Also STEM: the cat is a metaphor,idiot
STEM:half of everything is Dark Matter.
physics:ridiculous! quarks tho
NHSYFB: sounds fake
NHYSFB:tell us more
MY FIELD: we also understand why groups act
PHYSICS: we want to crash microscopic things in to one another very fast
HUMANITIES: how did you guys get taken over by literally Russia
PHYSICS:we can decide exactly whose acid trip delusion is actually right
PHYSICS: so there's this cat going fast
GOVT: ok, philosophy and comp sci. What's a cool theory most people don't know?
"Women's Studies vs biology, go!"
Biology: that except different things
biology:same, mostly together with ours, even tho they contradict
BIO: people have known about chromosomes since Adam and Eve!
Government: what problem has been most challenging for your field to try to address?
Physics: why even are there things
PHYSICS:we used to think space was full of goo
COM:like Hitler was bad but people thought he was good at words
PHYS:we thought space was slimy
WS:we struggled with finding a way to say sexism isn't natural but people's gender is real
WS:if rights are up for debate
BIO:the most important issue is bees
COMM:kind of but we teach being good at talking
PHYS:yes, pro collision
PHYSICS: what would happen if different kinds of things hit other stuff
COMM:how can you change people's minds about things
PHYSICS:we might be in the Matrix
COMM: we don't literally mean that everyone who ever wrote anything is deceased
COMM:precision in language is needed for clarity
PHYS:like, we don't actually mean the cat exists
COMM:by most meanings of real, yes. Someone had to put it there for a reason tho
PHYSICS:hypothetically you could walk right through it if the atoms move right
PHYS:the Holocaust but literally everyone dies this time
COMM:Greek dude who thought women had less teeth
COMM:if we take a hard look, we probably are
PHYS:only if you don't know that white men are just better
COMM:not really any
PHYS:most of them
COMM: there's several points of view
PHYS: as in LITERALLY
PHYS:hold up though, only if you share their point of view
PHYS: not if they go real fast
PHYS: we can't do that
PHYSICS: again, the cat is very important but also completely not real
PHYSICS: we may all be in a computer, I mean who knows right?
PHYS:from some points of view he wasn't ever born
COMM: we think so
PHYS: well how fast is it moving?
COMMUNICATION:I guess because weput gender related names on things
PHYSICS:gender depends on if you're going fast
COMM:well you're white and he's not so society makes things easier for you
PHYS: when you drive your car you age less
COMM: "white privilege" is more specific than "racism"
PHYS: for people traveling close to our speed only-
COMM: but we can't read minds
PHYS:shooting the cat isn't cruel bc the cat is fake
PHYS:hah, you losers can't even build bombs
COMM: like you're talking about observing things in a lab being hard bc you influence them without trying
COMM: yes, go on
PHYS: so if we hypothetically had a lab with a cat
COMM: we have that issue too with human subjects. We find we can sometimes influence people by accident
COMM: there are ethical questions not about cats
PHYS: not at this speed
PHYSICS:first of all the cat is not biased, second, the cat is not moving
PHYS:no you don't get the metaphor
COMM:whereas this quantum thing is easy to describe without any weird terms
PHYS:no, it's not
PHYS:is the lab real?
COMM:yeah, in like a building somewhere
PHYS:but is it real
PHYS:I mean I can picture that
COMM: but like that's pretty simple, no metaphors needed. Your research influences itself
COMM: yes, like particles in labs
PHYS: right, which are like -
PHYS:and if you go very fast, it looks REALLY different
PHYS: literally nothing is true and probably nothing is real
COMM: it only looks that way because of how much you accelerated when we shoved you out the window
PHYS: incidentally,stuff could only exist if there was twice as much of it, somewhere
right,so long there's "dark matter" that is completely undetectable
PHYS:it's important to know there's also antimatter, but it all exploded probably
PHYS: everything is both a wave and not.
COMM: sometimes common sense is political
PHYS: common sense is bullshit, thats why the antimatter is hiding
Physics:like the kind of physics for slow things or the kind for very small things?
PHYS: I need to know if you mean big physics or slow physics
PHYS: yes but objectively, very small fast things are just weird
COMM: different ways to understand facts
PHYS: there r 3 physics,they're all true but also false
PHYS:so we have the Newtonian theory, Einsteinian theory, and quantum theory
PHYS: what you study is so easy we can solve it with math
PHYS: WE ARE BEYOND MORTAL COMPRE
PHYS:how dare you pretend to know our secrets
PHYS: I don't get why you people are so obssessed with the cat thing
"So, why are you torturing cats?"
"I TOLD YOU THAT WASN'T LITERALLY TRUE"
"No, I actually literally mean fast people age less"
"Yeah but you believe shrimp are evil"
"No, I don't actually"
"Then why do you support theoocracy?"
"Based on recent theory, the universe shouldn't exist. This may or may not be the case. >
"Not to pry, but how is your cat"
"I don't know"
"I can't guarantee that. Not without knowing how fast both you and my cat are"
DEAN: just as a formality, can you say specifically how your research helps NJ?
DEAN: yes, but what do YOU bring to the table?
DEAN: thanks to your courage we know at last
DEAN: not really, no
DR. PROFESSORINEN: not just any laser. A radioactive laser
ME: a working knowledge of influence in society
DR. PROFESSORINEN: conversely, my students need to know reality is likely fake
OUR BOSS: ok man give me a hit. Ellie, gtfo,you're fired
STEM: we bought a quarry because we had extra cash
ME:I'm no statistician but likely higher than 50% bc of tampering
ME: maybe you're right
PHYSICIST:there was an explosion
ME:yes but how do you answer the question
STUDENTS: "yeah sometimes"
STUDENTS: but they are sometimes
ME: right so that's why we obey laws
PHYSICS: we have 3 frameworks and all of them only work if you add invisible dark energy