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(1) A few minutes ago, I accused President Obama of stealing and wearing my grandmother's dentures.

Here's my evidence: a photo I myself took in 1981.

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(2) This photo will not be provided to the press for forensic analysis.

Why would anyone not think this is a genuine photo?

(3) After I made my accusation, FIVE MORE ACCUSERS came forward.

None of us know each other.

(4) It was common knowledge that president Obama stole and wore the dentures of elderly people.

The reason this accusation was never made until five minutes ago is that nobody ever asked us.

(5) Nobody asked us NOW either.

But we all came forward together because SHUT UP.

(6) Six people have now accused President Obama of stealing and wearing the dentures of elderly people, yet the Democrats still stand by him.

(7) The Democratic party is now the party of denture stealing and illicit wearing.

That's just a fact.

(8) It doesn't matter if the president DENIES stealing and wearing the dentures of elderly people.

(9) Defending against these accusations is despicable.

(10) So enjoy being the party of denture stealing and illicit wearing, Democrats.

WE say you are, so YOU ARE.

(11) ADDENDUM: Another accuser points out that President Obama was banned from dental practices all over the country.

There's no record of this, but it's true.

EVERYBODY knew it. I've confirmed it by interviewing all Americans.

(12) ADDENDUM TWO: I accuse President Obama of being an odontophile.…

(13) It doesn't matter that I'm using the term "odontophile" incorrectly.

Because I SAY that the Democrats are the party of odontophilia, that makes it true.

(14) In reality, President Obama would be a "pseudodontophile."

The Democrats are the party of pseudodontophilia.

(15) But since very few people have heard the term "pseudodontophilia," I'm allowed to accuse the former president of odontophilia instead.

In fact, I MYSELF COINED the term pseudodontophilia.

Just now, as we speak.

(16) So what?


(17) Let's recap:

I invented the word "pseudodontophilia."

You must accept that the former president is a pseudodontophile.

(18) BUT since the word "pseudodontophile" is not widely known--after all, I just invented it less than five minutes ago--you must ALSO accept that the former president is an odontophile.…

(19) I am accusing him of all these things.

ALL ACCUSATIONS ARE FACTS, even when you make them up.

(20) The Democrats are the party of pseudodontophilia, a word that does not exist.


(21) The Democrats are the party of odontophilia, even though I'm misusing the term, and there's no evidence whatsoever for my accusation.


(22) ADDENDUM THREE: This heartbreaking video statement speaks for itself.

(24) ADDENDUM FOUR: @WkdPnt found a signed copy of my photo.

(25) There's only one copy of the photo, and I'm holding it in my hand at this second, but OBVIOUSLY @WkdPnt is telling the truth.

So I must believe. And I do.

(26) I'm being told that everybody knew that even though the single copy of the photo never left my possession, @WkdPnt has a signed copy.

Okay. I believe everybody.

(27) Who am I to claim that there's only one copy of the photo that I myself took and never showed anybody until today?

I misspoke.

(28) ADDENDUM FIVE: Breaking news!

An eighth accuser has provided me with evidence that President Obama did indeed steal and wear the dentures of the elderly.

Again, this was common knowledge across the entire country.

(29) The president was so obsessed with dentures that he tried to make every American citizen wear them.

(30) The only question remaining is when will the president drop out?

Analysts say that they can't see how he can continue being a former president.

(31) The tidal wave of accusations leaves no doubt that President Obama is doing more damage to the Democrats than the Democrats are doing to the Democrats.

(32) Calls for for President Obama to become a Republican are increasing.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is said to be in talks with the former president.

(33) ADDENDUM SIX: @n129bz broke the case.

His diligence and unbiased, unflinching search for the truth serves as a model for all journalists.

(34) But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again:

(35) I did NOT egg on that man BrianM. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time, never. These allegations are FALSE, and I need to go back to work for the American people.

(36) What's for dinner?

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