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Uche Onwuemeli @UchennaNG
, 62 tweets, 25 min read Read on Twitter
When you think you're a Mekwe Lord but you meet not one but 2 Mekwe Queens in a space of days, you know that your destiny is about to be re-arranged.

Kenny was scrolling through his gallery & I pointed towards one slim, dark girl.



Kenny came to see my brother while I was around, he waited outside sipping on some Goldberg & scrolling through his phone.

"How far na?" I ask him

"I dey" he responds.

I looked at his phone & saw this fine girl

"This babe fine o, how far?"

"Ha! Ushe,No o!"

"Wetin happen?"
"Ha, omo this girl go kill you o" Kenny said, I asked him if she was a hired killer & he laughed.

"The babe na Nackademus" Kenny adds, I told him to give me her contact & he said he would talk to her first.

I told him it was fine & he nodded; my brother later came to join us.
The next day I went to work and on my way back I got a call from Triple C who was our class rep back in school, he reminded me of Chichi's wedding
happening that weekend in Yenagoa.

I had totally forgotten about it, he asked if I was going to make it and I said I would.
I checked my schedule for the weekend and made up my mind to attend, Chichi was one of the best in our class and we had promised to see the man that she would marry.

I called Steve and other guys to see if they would attend & they said yes, so far the boys would be there.

I took a day off on Friday to prepare for the trip, the dresscode was white native & luckily I had one so I packed. I decided to go cut my hair & on my way out I saw Kenny;

"I dun tell the babe about you o, she say make I give you her number" Kenny said

"I dey travel o"
Kenny told me that she also travelled and they only talked on WhatsApp, so I told him that we would see when I got back. I went to Ade's shop to barb;

"Bros welcome o" Ade said

"How far na, I dey go one wedding for Bayelsa"

"Your hair sharp but I go still barb you confirm"
I finished barbing then went home, brought out my laptop to book a flight to port harcourt; I did then called Triple C to ask for the name of the event centre & he told me.

Next day I flew to port harcourt, took a car to Yenagoa. Immediately I got down I got a call

"Oboy where you dey?" Progress asked, I told him I just arrived Yenagoa.

"We dey 'stop over', come meet us for there" progress added, I didn't know where "Stop over" was so I asked around.

I was directed there, I got there & saw the boys who were already hailing from the gate!
I went in and greeted the boys one after the other;

"Uchman the Hitman" Progress hailed when I got to his sit, I greeted him and he offered to get me a sit.

Progress started becoming nice to me so I started to suspect him, he almost even took beer from the table to feed me like
I dropped my bag and joined the discussion; they were talking about the Bachelor's eve and I had to cut them short to ask how they knew the guy Chichi was getting married to

"Ah, na my main guy na" Progress said

"Your guy keh?" I asked surprisingly

"Na progress guy" Steve said
I knew I had come for one hell of a party, I only prayed that Chichi's husband didn't have the same traits as progress; or that they should allow progress take charge of any major part of the ceremony.

"No wahala na, e make sense like that" I responded as we kept planning.

Few minutes later..

I needed to lodge in a hotel, I asked if any of them could suggest of a good hotel & Triple C took me to one nearby

I got there & checked in, freshened up & changed to something causal. Sprayed a nice perfume & decided to go back to the boys, on my way out..
I saw this beautiful Fulani girl dressed in a nice native attire, she was smoking cigarette & drinking water at the bar.

I couldn't take my eyes off her even while I was dropping my room key with the receptionist so I decided to go talk to her.

I walked to her with a smile

She looked at me & said hello to me, her expression wasn't encouraging but who am I to give up; I asked if she was alone & she said she came with a friend who was upstairs with someone else.

I asked if I could join her & she agreed. I pulled out a chair & sat near her;

I'm Uche
She said her name was Aisha, I remembered Aisha my crush back in Sokoto & smiled. She asked me why I was smiling & I told her about Aisha who I dated while in Sokoto;

"That's touching" She said when I finished, I nodded and we kept talking about other stuff.

She told me she grew up in Abuja and studied in the UK, I was quite impressed so I offered her a drink but she declined saying she doesn't drink alcohol

"Maybe Red wine" she added.

I ordered a bottle of Red wine and we started drinking, few minutes later her friend joins us
She introduced her friend "Priye" to me; Priye was Aisha's bestfriend back in the UK and Priye was getting married that weekend too, I introduced myself and told her that I also came to support a friend's wedding too.

She pulled a chair & joined Aisha and I, we drank & talked🍸
The temperature was cool and the wine was already doing it's job and we were all excited, I managed to throw in a joke and Aisha laughed for some seconds then looked at me;

"I'm going to get something from my room, wanna walk me?" She said

I was too sharp not to know what's up!
I told her it would be my pleasure, we excused Priye who already hinted that her fiance was joining her shortly. I walked behind her admiring her body from head to toe; "chai see Asa nwa" I thought.

We climbed the stairs and I followed her lead till we got to her room

"Come in"
I went inside the room & everywhere was dark and cozy; the drink was already making me excited and when I turned back Aisha was already close and she gently grabbed my face.

I grabbed her waist by reflex and we started to kiss, the taste of wine in our mouths made the kiss sweet
I started to have a flash, wondering how I had barely landed in Yenagoa & was already having pre-wedding mekwe.

I wanted to ask what was going on but my mouth was covered with kiss; next thing she pushes me with just one finger & I fell on the bed like I was under anointing 😩
I though it was the normal mekwe that will just happen briefly but I didn't know Aisha had other plans, she gently removed every single fashion item she was wearing & placed them in the wardrobe.

She helped me remove mine too, pounced on me & started to leak my face like a dog.
Next thing she came close to my ear & whispered "Do you have the energy?" I felt the question was insulting to a Lord like me, I ecstatically replied "Call me Mr All Night Long"

She made a strange romantic sound & started to kiss my whole face like it was covered with Ice cream.
Before I knew it she had scrolled down my body & mekwe had started; "Wait we didn't use protection" I said in the heat of the mekwe

"I'm Safe" she said

I was worried about STD not even pregnancy, but as the mekwe had already started I just continued

"Something must kill a man"
The grinding & whining was intense, it felt like military drilling and I was already sweating like a 'Christmas goat' even inside the air conditioned room.

She was slapping my face & stomach, moaning words like "Shege! Wayo! Woohoo!" I was feeling pleasure & pain altogether but
After much acrobatics we finally finished, she got up and went to drink some water; I was still there gasping for breath when she came and told me "It's your turn"

I was shocked so I asked her "turn for what?" And she said we were just getting started.

"We are?" I asked.

I didn't want to look weak so I told her it was a go, this time around the mekwe was on a different gear because it felt like our bodies had synchronised.

Her slim waist was rolling like boris while I stayed sweating like I was pushing truck in Onitsha!

"Chaii! See my life"
From round 2 to round 3 to round 4, I thought she was done but she wanted to keep going so I started to beg.

"Remember I asked if you were capable and you consented" Aisha said

"I know but I have withdrawn my consent" I said with plea😢

While we were talking we heard a knock!
She asked if I was expecting anybody because she wasn't expecting anybody, I told her none of my friends knew I was in her room. She covered up and went to answer the door; lo and behold it was progress!

"Oh thank God" I heaved a sigh of relief;

Progress finally came to my aid!
He walked in & asked me why I was naked

"We been dey pray" I sarcastically replied

"All man dun dey find you since o" Progress added; I told him to wait for me outside that I'd be out shortly.

I put on my clothes & told Aisha I had to go, she asked for my number but I refused.
I grabbed all my items and dashed out of the room, When I got outside I thanked progress because his "stupidity" just saved my life. He didn't understand but I left it at that & we went to join the boys.

It was already dark & the Bachelor's eve had started so we just joined them
We got to the hotel, met the boys & the groom-to-be, Progress introduced me to him & he thanked me for coming through for them.

"Don't mention, Chichi na our pesin" I replied. We sat down briefly as drinks started to go round & music started to blast.

Few minutes later....
Progress came in with 4 strippers, everybody was shocked!

"Progress the main Gee" Triple C hailed as one of the strippers came straight to him to give him lap dance; the party came alive, fun was born.

I just sat there looking because I was exhausted from the mekwe with Aisha.
I soon began to think about the unprotected mekwe with Aisha; "what if she has disease?" "What if she becomes pregnant?" I asked myself, I decided to calm down with some alcohol so I took more shots & passed out.

Few hours later my phone rang, I looked to see who it was

"How far?" I asked

"I dey, where you talk say you travel go again?" Kenny asked


"Ha! Na there Betty sef dey"

He told me 'Nackademus' was also in Yenagoa for a wedding & that I should try to see her, he sent me her number & told me she was expecting my call.

"No P"
I ended the call, looked at the time & it was past 3 am. I looked up & saw progress making out with one of the strippers, I ignore him & found my way to the exit.

Luckily there were taxis parked by the hotel gate so I took one back to my hotel to sleep & prepare for the wedding.
The next day I dressed up & joined them at a Catholic church for the church wedding, I was a bit hungover but I managed to compose myself.

The church wedding didn't take long, we finished; took photos & went to the reception venue which was the same hotel as the Bachelor's eve😯
We were at our table gisting & laughing when we noticed that progress wasn't with us, I asked where he was & I was told he was serving drinks.

Before we could speak further progress arrived with drinks & wine for our table, there was also a young ladywith him carrying food

The food was great & the drinks were more than enough, the venue was filled with beautiful people & everybody looked happy.

Few minutes later Chichi came to our table to say hello to us & thank us for being there for her, she teased us about getting married & we all laughed 😂
We were still eating when this girl who served us food came again, I noticed she was dressed like she was in the bridal train; she came close to me & whispered "excuse me for a minute?"

I excused myself & went 2-aside with her; "Are you Uche?" She asked

"Yes! Am I in trouble?"
She laughed & said she just wanted to be sure, "Kenny told me about you, he showed me your pics"

I looked closely & recognized her, she looked different with makeup.

"Oh, you're Betty?" I asked


"Wow, that's nice! Nice to meet you"

"We'll see later, I Have your number"
While I was getting back to my chair progress walked up to me & asked what I was doing with Betty, he told me to stay away that she was for him.

I looked at him & remembered all the troubles he put me through in life so I decided to make sure I "snatched" Betty from him.
We finished eating & the DJ started to play nice songs, we all got up to dance. I had a very high morale so we joined the couple on the dance floor to celebrate with them.

While we were dancing I noticed Betty move closer, 'Fada Fada' by @phynofino came up & we started to dance!
Me & Betty spent the rest of the afternoon together & we ended up in my hotel room, she immediately pulled off her wig & she looked like the Betty I saw in Kenny's phone.

She went straight into the bathroom to shower while I grabbed the remaining Guinness stout in my fridge.🍺
She came out from the bathroom with my towel, I went into the bathroom to shower too & when I finished there was no towel for me to use so I came out naked.

The room was cold & when Betty saw me she threw the towel at me and was now naked, I cleaned my body & joined her in bed.
She reached out for her bag & brought out a wrapped 'smoke' & lit it up, she puffed & ask me if I smoke

"No I don't" I reply her as I kept drinking my Guinness extra stout, I turned on the TV to watch but when I turned back to Betty she was looking like Kim Kardashian 😯

"You have the body of a goddess" I told her, she asked if I would be her "Papi-water" & I dived towards her immediately like Michael Phelps.

I had totally forgotten about Kenny's warning, I also forgot "protection".

The mekwe went down; Aisha was a novice compared to Betty😣😢
From the movement on her waist I knew she was a pro, the mekwe was good until she wanted more rounds; I knew I had to act fast because progress may not be there to save me this time🤔

I decided I was going to run away, I told her to relax that I needed to buy beer downstairs.
I wore a short & a top, grabbed my phone & wallet then kissed her on the cheeks; "I'll be back soon" I said. She said I shouldn't take long & I just agreed, I left the room & closed the door behind me.

While I was at the lobby I brought out my phone to call Triple C

"How far?"
I told him I needed a place to sleep, he didn't even ask questions he just gave me directions so I stepped out.

When I got downstairs I saw Aisha coming in with Priye, I immediately hid behind a pillar till they passed.

Aisha seeing me would've been a case of 'fry pan to fire"
Aisha passed & I escaped to Triple C's hotel to sleep & put off my phone, the next day I went back to my hotel & realized that Betty was gone.

The receptionist gave me my key & I went upstairs to assess my belongings & pack for my flight back to Lagos.

Everything was intact
I met up with the boys to take a car to Port Harcourt, on our way progress started to gist us about different people at the wedding. He got to Betty's turn & said her brother died of HIV.

"What?!" I exclaimed

"Yes o, the guy die o! HIV, live na em kill am!"

"Chineke me ee!!"
My heart started to pound like Enugu fufu, I couldn't tell anybody what happened so I started to die inside.

"Why didn't I use protection?" I silently cried

The rest of the journey became irritating to me, I was thinking of my life and dreams.

"Na so I go take go?"

We got back to Lagos and I started to get more worried, my friends noticed my mood changed but I managed to convince them I was fine.

Following week I resumed work; I started losing focus at work, I became more skinny because i wasn't eating.

One day I got a call from an NGO
They contacted me & wanted me to be part of a campaign, I asked which campaign it was & they said it was "World AIDS Day"

"Chai! Is this truly happening😢" I thought, I told them I'll give them a feedback later. When I turned on the TV a series titled 'SHUGA' was showing on MNet
My worries grew & I had no choice than to open up to my friend, I called Steve to tell him my worries & he picked. As I told him I had HIV scare, I heard a strong laughter in the background.

"Na progress be that?" I asked

"Na me na! Guy, you dun carry HIV o" Progress added

Steve advised me to go for a test, I was reluctant but after much persuasion I agreed. The next day I made up my mind to go for a test.

I summoned courage & went to a nearby hospital for test, I went in & talked to the lab scientist there.

Few minutes later they attended to me
They took my blood for the test & I went to the waiting room for my test result, I grabbed my phone & went to twitter to read tweets.

While I was on twitter I came across @chubbycuisine & saw mouth watering food, while I was scrolling I got called for my result

"Yes, I'm Uche"
I went for my result & realized it was negative, I was excited & started to celebrate. I immediately called @chubbycuisine to order a meal, on my way home I called Steve to inform him I was negative💃.

When I got home to relax I got a knock on my door

"Your package is here"

I took my food, ate & relaxed. My phone rang; I looked to see who it was - Betty!

"Are you in Lagos?"

"I'm in Kano" I lied😐

I didn't want her to come to my house and ruin me further.

I ended the call and called the NGO to accept the offer.

"This mekwe will kuku not kill me"
HIV is real so try to get tested regularly, avoid unprotected mekwe & stay safe.


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Thanks for reading, please visit my pinned tweet for more stories. Follow @UchennaNG on IG&SC


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