Saturday- my kid and his family kicked my butt, wore me out, had me frustrated, emotional, overwhelmed.
Sometimes you advocate so hard, and people listen and don’t listen and challenge you and you leave exhausted.
I didn’t want to do it again on Sunday.
I don’t expect many changes for the day, but the team had other plans so we end up cutting sedation & preparing for extubation.
These are all good signs. The family is excited. The patient is scared
Seeing absolute fear in a child’s eyes pulls your heart harder than anything else. I hold his hand, pray with him, we listen to his favorite music, & put on a brave face.
I want to fight everyone and everything for his wellbeing. I want him to smile, be healthy, and make it home.
-taking a soap & water bath, wearing pants, brushing teeth, eating ice chips. Things we all take for granted
He teared up when I left.
I looked forward to my next shift.
We sat up in a chair, read books, played games, and slowly eliminated one tube (chest tubes, feeding tubes, catheters, etc) at a time until all we had left was one PIV. And you can bet we celebrated each one away.
He squeezed my hand when I finished my last shift with him, teared up, and whispered “thank you”
I wanted to see him walk, eat a meal, & transfer out of the ICU.
It’s funny how these kids and this career get your heart worked up like that