It’s patience. It’s being able to clock the client’s problem in the first 15 min but spending 6 months nudging their agency.
One of the best sequences in BLL is Celeste & her therapist. Doc knows from first meeting with Celeste & Perry that he’s an abusive shitstain, but Celeste isn’t ready for that. Respecting Celeste’s agency demands working through her process of ...
This is our dynamic
I’m just as responsible
We’re okay except when we’re not
OMFG He’s going to kill me if I don’t GTFO.
As far as I can tell, that’s something like 6 months in terms of show and about that in real therapy.
What’s prompted this thread is a Captain Awkward thread & the stance that it’s a no quarter given, absolute responsibility of white people to handle other white people’s racism.
But she works w/ him, maybe commutes with him (she mentions a mobility issue in passing), lives w/ him, can’t afford Bye, boy!
She wants behavior to stop.
It’s “pls send help or ballgag. Don’t care which.”
LW may not be short on calories/O2/H2O (Maslow 1), but Maslow 2 is shaky. Housing, body and employment depend...
—people I see at $Hobby
—Works in same building, we sometimes share lunch table
—can call for bail $$
—will handle my funeral
Friend is vast.
But she’s new to this. She thinks it’s a communication problem, that he won’t take “shut the fuck up about your unacknowledged fetish” without causing more crap.
This is an emotionally exploitative relationship. Guy’s Cool Lesbian Friend is his emotional dump. He forces her involvement in his emotional/sexual needs, w/o her consent. He’s an emotional flasher who jacks off through his mouth.
But that’s an emotionally scary place & she’s just starting to ask for help now.
Vocab not yet installed.
But if she just wants to roll her eyes & walk away, that’s fine, too. He’s not her fixer-upper.
Nobody is born self-actualized.
We don’t download social empathy on our 21st birthdays.
Would be nice if we did.
(Which is my 🥇strategy. Isolate the fuckers. But we haven’t yet set aside Nebraska for people who won’t live in peace with others.)
Alas, our housing market. So...
Just as it’s not every woman’s job to take men through Misogyny 101, the job of confronting racism is adjustable. An eye roll & walking away is not a Seminar, but it’s a valid step.
(More to follow)
So, to borrow from the Murderinos: politeness is overrated. Walk away when the racists start 🤮
He’s an emotional flasher, jacking off via mouth.
If not, turn your back, walk away, go away. Close the door.
Let him get constipated/blue balls.
(Oh, fuck, this metaphor is gross.)
They’re consenting to their verbal circle jerk.
It’s icky, it’s causing harm, but we have to build the baseline of Everybody Gets Boundaries!
That means shunning this behavior.
But expecting the t-ball team to play Yankee stadium just makes the t-ball team feel like they’re failures.
People just starting their emotional journey don’t need take shit from the experts. Empathy for all. End
This is my job. We therapists build and foster social empathy in people whose empathy-ers have been injured or infected or atrophied.
We’re in the trenches, doing base work. We don’t see people at their best.
Truly, one of the easiest ways to turn a moderate into a MAGAt is to tell them they suck at everything and should be shunned for Doin It Rong.
You’re not a beginner. Don’t expect your performance from a noob.
So... people who hate me, or people who don’t and hate the people who hate me?
Congratulations, this is how MAGAts, and a whole lot of other antisocial behavior, breed.
But give the noobs & undetermined just a little latitude. Just a little. Tiny bit of patience. Let them know that we have tools to help, and we understand that you have to put your own oxygen on first.
That alteration takes time.
And we don’t hate you because you’re stressed and scared.
Empathy for all. End.