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overton widow 🍙🍵 @waywardsine
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yes now - our year 2018 - is my medium edge time

trying to associate it with social media platforms is interesting too cause 2009-2012 was my highest use of fb by far according to On this Day and my own data analysis
that's also my first three years On Here and the height of my - and Vegas's - startup town interest

all not unrelated
basically i have only brief punctuated times of clarity and empathy and it was like nine months in 2007
eleven long years hijacked by the internet
not really surprising most of my theater work precedes 2010 at this point
watching CA collapse has reminded me of things around that time and thinking most of all how compressed this all felt - that it felt like at first mundane then exceptional traumatic like five hours
having very little normal trajectory work wise and health wise does that too
2008 is also when i left my regular job and didn't get another till 2015 (bar that year at the Studio) which lasted a year to the day
I've spent 8 years in the last decade wildly underemployed and desperate and i had three cities to be that way in

it does change you
more tallying: i worked at a record store, i worked at a clothing store, i watched my parents and my partner stay in the hospital, i lost a dog and a grandmother, i hurt a lot of fucking feelings - and maybe am starting to feel bad about it
*checking linked in to remember more* I thought LinkedIn premium would get me a job, I thought USA JOBS would, I thought Monster and Medium and here would. No. Only Craigslist and connects did that
oh right i did an art auction, i worked at a call center, i built standees for justice league, i stocked soda (still the best), i stocked makeup (still the worst), i served really good pita sandwiches really badly and was fired
if i get a new job it'll still pay less than what i made in 2007 most likely by at least five bucks
oh right the outright scams: I joined WorldVentures, I worked for a Christian athlete recruiting mgt company with one client, i worked for Next Promotions in Vegas who I'm pleased to say never checks on their NDA/NC contractees much bc they flee back home, I live there
hahaha what a seriously weird decade so much of what i described had a shelf life of three months or less
oh i was a stage manager too. all that really is left standing are those occasional marketing gigs, the events company made of gooch parts, and my desire to quit America for a different set of problems. oh lol and I've been an editor at large since 2006
*very large* as it were bc i was only informed the site with nearly all my journalism on it was purchased then dead two months after the fact. pretty channel awesome of em
i have more weird soft trade skills than digits on my income last year, probably my most navel gazing self interested not even online pout fest since i was kicked from AS
i hate that theater is still my third rail and I'm so baldly shunned by it
(gurgis tho self! just today! peers!!! well u know kinda)
what my sibling have done in the last ten years: been an engineer
sometimes i quail to think of the next big separation between us which is likely marriage and family for them
it's a stone miracle my erratic and hostile behavior - hey some their fault most me and my chemicals - we even have things left in common
but truly very little. with my father almost none at all
he spent the better part of the last decade solidly unemployed, no trying, all his hobby
thank crap they're gone bc for awhile there he was attempting to sell old crt monitors
then again i signed up for world ventures i think we know what was a better risk
what to do not to make the next ten years this same wheel spinning weeble wobbler bullshit
maybe the answer is give up lol, mike judge is an annoying retrograde centrist but regardless I've never felt seen like i have when in office space the main character said their dream was to do nothing
i can distinctly remember my last days at my two long jobs and at the call center and I've never had sex so sweet, never rocketed off the balls of my feet, never breathed so well
i remember exactly how the orange blossoms looked on los palmas street as i sat outside on a curb and decided not to walk back in
i also remember lol my purse flinging tantrum-away firings

the best one by far - the thing that finally killed my theater - took me to Los Angeles, to that street with the orange blossoms
i really miss it, Vegas is the one i can't leave but everything so cal that's not san diego lol calls to me like a dream
i remember in that bad time 2012-3
-4 ish especially that all blurs, i missed it so bad i drove to state line on all the gas i had

on the way back threw myself the biggest self hate party on the floor of a haunted casino
stuff that gets other people shot
stuff that today in ny my naive ass would definitely been shot
i consider the gold strike casino near boulder city like my waterloo

where i was either gonna stay life sick or get moving. that's the year the events started in earnest
that's the year i started caring for this now fragmented group of maggots, goths, SoundCloud rappers, and friggin actual murderer of people probably
from my most straight laced curtain fic monogamist straight cis friend i found a crack in the floor of Vegas and went down
i was stockimg for soda company last spring and one of the crew saw me - his actual construction work took him behind the convenience store
we did a dance like whaaaat motherfucker jobs? and laughed about how all our friends had babies
i reminded him of the sweet now back in midwest juggalo who once strode through the afteemath of a party bellowed WHICH ASSHOLE DRANK MY FAYGO and my hungover ass was like me I'm guilty i was gonna puke and he went oh if it's you who cares 😍
then we both had to get back to work
i think as largely a becky a normal a sweater person a warm glass of cold milk this time means more to me than it did to them. but i dunno
edm doesn't feel the same
I'm probably the few people who would get misty eyed at tech nine
the other factor - the x factor - is that i did my fair share to bring that all down

i didn't impregnate anyone! but i was gone when they might have needed me bc they always needed me
my dirty thirty was the party i wanted at sixteen (give or take several bouts of k2 induced projectile vomiting) and i wish everybody who hasn't hit it the same kind of crusty, ridiculous covered in literally puppies dream i had that night
Vegas the city has cracked down on party houses in these last years my friend who owned that house (and on and off kicked the shit out of ? for ?!) were charged $6000 for them which easily buys you a number of stages in town.
shit that rents you the entire Artisan hotel
but that it was home that i got tucked in to sleep or got to pet a dog or hurl into the bushes (not me actually!) unmolested for a time these things cops or nimbys or really "adults" don't get
team cover to walk into a bar won
team two drink minimum
team don't fall asleep here don't mosh here don't beer bong here team hookah is $25 so a lady comes over
the babies (lack of bc) did their part the pigs the other. happy to see house parties still quietly doing their thing - i was so excited to find a flyer for a 15 year olds bday turnup - and the flyer was good! i brought it in to show my roommates
"you're not GOING are you you could be their mom"
"no what! no i mean ... let me check out these rappers first at least"
followers, i didn't go 😂
unroll my nostalgia trip please
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