Thread by @vectorgen

THREAD
I always get asked for advice about starting/surviving the tenure track. Last couple of months I've started compiling rules etc I find myself saying. Thought I'd put it out there for the masses if anyone found it useful. Will prob keep adding, feel free to add your own!

1. Hard work is required for success, but it is, in of itself, not enough. You need to be lucky.

2. Sometimes luck can be more important than hard work.

3. Luck can turn at any moment. Never forget that.

4. The data are the data are the data.

5. If you have the proper controls, there is no such thing as a failed experiment.

6. All outcomes should be publishable.

7. Never attempt to merely make the grade. Instead endeavor to be bulletproof.

8. Anything worth doing is worth not just doing well; it’s worth overdoing.

9. Persevere! One quality that often separates the successful from the unsuccessful is not intelligence, talent, or creativity. It is sheer bloody-minded persistence.

10. Funding is a random process.

11. Be mercenary in your approach to funding. Apply for everything that you can even vaguely make yourself fit. Use a shoehorn if necessary.

12. Publish Early. Publish Often. Publish yesterday.

13. There are 3 categories of papers: Papers in press, papers in review, and papers you’re working on. Always strive to have at least one paper in each category at all times (more than 1 is better)

14. NETWORK NETWORK NETWORK!!! You will always need letter writers, references etc… beyond your PhD and postdoc advisors.

15. Look out for yourself. No one else will do it for you

16. Know your worth, both to yourself and to others.

17. Do not have loyalty to your institution; they don’t have any for you. Never fool yourself; a tenure-track job is a mutually beneficial business arrangement. Do what is best for you.

18. Have loyalty to your people, but in the same vein do not expect unconditional loyalty from them. They ultimately have to do what’s best for them, not for you. Your best people may be the quickest to leave. This is a feature, not a bug.

19. Treat everyone you meet with respect, no matter who they are, or what they do.

20. Don't feel guilty about wanting a life outside of work. Your job is not your life

21. It's almost never personal. Don't make it so.

22. You can do everything right and still lose.

23. You can do everything wrong and still win.

24. There's no such thing as basic vs. applied science. There's just good science and bad science. Do good science.

(Told to me by Bruce Hammock way back when I was a a wet-behind-the-ears PhD student. I still live by this)

25. Your lab members are not your family. They are not your friends. They are mentees, trainees, & employees. It may be fun to have one big happy lab family, but sooner or later you're going to have to pull rank. You can't easily switch from buddy to boss without bruised feelings

26. The lab is not a democracy. It's a friendly dictatorship

27. Lab members may, from time to time, seek to subvert the dictatorship (i.e. do stuff you counseled them not to do). It's often good to turn a blind eye to this, significant advances may result (i.e. your people may know the system better than yo do)

28. Always get it in writing.

28 Corollary: Make sure the person you're getting it in writing from has the authority to do so

29. Never collaborate with people you don't know and trust.

I got out of a bad collaboration (my first, and the only time I'd broken the know and trust rule) months ago and the hassles are still ongoing

30. Authorship is cheap. Err on the side of inclusion, especially for technicians and undergrads

31. Never be afraid to say "No"

32. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them. Don't let them.

33. Learn to make decisions, often without complete data. You’ll have to make them frequently. If you’re not comfortable with this, get comfortable. If you don’t make a decision when it needs to be made, it will be made for you, either by others, or simply by circumstance

34. Like most things in life, the problem is never "everyone else". If you keep having the same issues even though the situation changes, look for the common denominator and work to change yourself

35. If it was easy, someone would have done it already

36. In a negotiation, always ask for what you need; never shortchange yourself in an attempt to be "nice". Also, be prepared for the other party to say No.

37. Many parts of the job are just a grind.

Never stop grinding.

38. Never hire someone just because they have their own money. There is no such thing as a free postdoc/grad student.

(Not a subtweet, just a thought that popped into my head today)

39. The best time to write a grant is just after you have one funded. Or had one rejected. Or, any time really.

40. The best idea in the world is worthless if people can't understand you. A mediocre idea* presented outstandingly will go over better than an outstanding idea presented mediocrely.

(*grants, papers, seminars, talks, conversations etc etc)

41. When the margin between winning and losing is razor-thin, and folk are looking for the merest excuse to say no, don't give the gatekeepers a reason to reject you before you even get to the gate.

In other words, FOLLOW THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS!

42. Own your decisions

43. Until the Notice Of Award arrives, you do not have a grant

44. Don't write the grant you want to write. Write the grant they want to fund

45. READ the RFA. USE it to structure your proposal. I literally parrot back the exact language in the RFA in my proposals - the funder is telling you exactly what they want to see, if you're smart you'll give it to them!

46. When an institution tells you "We have no $$ to do or solve X", what they really mean is they have no will to desire to do or solve X. They want you to mistake the two. Don't fall for it.

There is always money. The will to solve problems is rarer

47. Startup is not meant to be hoarded (assuming your Uni will even let you). It is literally a resource to help you "Start Up". Obviously don't be foolish with it but it does you no good to have $200K left in the account when you don't get tenure

48. Thou Shalt Not Annoy The Reviewer

49. A successfully funded grant is never just about the science. Packaging, marketing, language matters. These "soft" aspects can be more important that the actual scientific question and methods

50. If a University policy puzzles you, and you want to know why it exists, or why things are being done that way, the answer is money.

It may not be directly obvious, but the answer is ALWAYS money

51. Funding begats funding

52. Grants are not just resources to do science. They are also influence, power, & protection. Not all grant $ is equal in this regard; some $ sources are prized above others. Learn which is which

If you are lucky to have lots of $, don't abuse the influence & power it gives you

53. There is no such thing as a "Perfect" grant. There is not even such thing as a "Good" grant. The only thing that matters is a "Funded" grant. Let go of the idea of the perfect grant. The quest for perfection is a fools errand & counterproductive to the goal of being funded.

54. If you are unclear about a rule in the proposal instructions, or the RFA, do not try to interpret the rules yourself. No one at the funder cares about your specific interpretation about the rules. Ask for specific clarification BEFORE submitting the application.

55. The buck stops with you. You are solely responsible for ensuring regs are followed and policies are carried out. Your admin doesn't catch a change in regs and your grant is shitcanned? That's your fault. Never assume people w no skin in the game will do their jobs correctly.

56. You are not entitled to funding. Or publication. Or a job.

57. When you want to do something at your institution, and are told "No, its against Policy", it can be instructive to ask to see the official written policy. Sometimes its true. More often you'll find it isn't "policy" at all, but rather simply bureaucratic inertia & customs

58. Like many things, institutional culture flows downhill. It doesn't matter what unit scale you're looking at. If an institution, or department, or administrative office has bad leadership, this will be reflected in the culture of that unit. Pay close attention to leadership

59. Self-promotion may feel tacky and classless, but it is neccessary. You can not rely on being rewarded for simply doing a great job. You have to grab the brass ring yourself

60. In science (and life in general), time is the most expensive item. Budget accordingly

61. Don't get disappointed. Get angry. When properly harnessed and focused, rage can be one if the most powerful and constructive weapons in your arsenal

62. Sometimes there is no good choice, only bad choices, and worse choices. Do the best you can

63. Always be (at least unofficially) on the market.

64. When dealing with admin, colleagues, or, anyone really, ALWAYS be professional. Keep your cool, even when you're in the process of shanking the other guy

65. If you want to know what your University employer (or, any institution or person really) wants and values, don't listen to what they tell you. Instead, take careful note of where they spend their money.

66. Every talk is a Job Talk

(ht @rellanalvarez!)

67. No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.

Adapt or die

68. There is one measure that accurately quantifies how much you are valued to an institution (everywhere, not just academia). And it ain't plexiglass plaques, newsletter shout-outs, or one-off awards.

It's your salary. You want to know what you're valued? Ask for a raise.

68 correllary. Institutions will often reflexively say "No" when asked for a raise. Threaten to leave* and see what retention they will or won't come up with. This is the true value of your worth to them.

*always be prepared to follow through on threats, never make them lightly!

69. If your theory or hypothesis isn't testable, it's not a theory or a hypothesis. At best, it's speculative fiction

70. Every decision has tradeoffs and consequences; sometimes obvious, sometimes more nuanced. Be aware and act accordingly

71. If you have to go down, go down swinging

72. You have a limited amount of political capital. Pick your battles.

(Even after 20 years, I still have trouble with this one sometimes. But i'm working on it)

73. The only real job security is (the ability to get) an external offer

(hat tip to @timtriche)

74. Spend your resources wisely, but don't go cheap. Being cheap never saves money in the long term.

75. Negotiate as hard as you can. But once you accept the job, negotiations are over. Get what you need before you say Yes; trying to renegotiate after accepting will only earn you bad blood and may result in the offer being pulled

76. It should go without saying, but do not date, creep on, or have inappropriate relationships (reciprocated or otherwise) w any subordinates (students, postdocs, techs, etc). This includes folk not in your direct line of authority. Even folk at other institutions.

Just don't.

77. Shit flows downhill.
Money flows uphill.

78. Failure is the norm. Get used to it.

79. ACT. Don't REACT. Decisions should be an ACTION. Never make a decision as a REACTION. React in private, never publicly.

Clear your head, think, plan, then ACT.