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Thå Rëv @4Qhen
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I finished highschool at age 14, back in 2002, very few people finished at that age. In fact, at 14, I had 4 complete results(2 SSCEs, NECO and GCE) and JAMB was OK too but like everyone else, I filled Medicine and Surgery in #UNILAG for both choices. Such high hopes!
Cut off mark was 10 points higher, but was able to get Cell biology and genetics but wouldn't settle for less, so I got the form for diploma. You know that one year diploma to Second year, so I could still study my medicine...yes My medicine or so I thought
Then this family friend I called cousin came home and told my mum about #UNAAB diploma, fees was half of #UNILAG and my mum didn't even think twice, she knew she wouldn't have to apply for as much from her thrift account. They plotted behind me to get the forms
I was naively buying timberland boots to impress #UNILAG girls, even slept in ElKa, went to the waterfront to spy on those smoking and having sex and even attended a few lectures but fate had other plans. Not only wouldn't I study Medicine, I wouldn't go to UNILAG either
One day, my mum said we were going to abeokuta, I was happy she was going to let me drive that distance to prove to her I could handle a car while in #UNILAG. I notice we packed the extra rug, new pots, some of my clothes, plates, extension etc and I asked why gift these to her
My mum lied to me and said her(my fake cousin)room was robbed and I thought to myself, they are richer than us naa but didn't push further. What's my own? We even stopped by Sapon Market to buy standing fan and we went house hunting. Kept asking why we would wanna rent a house
Momsie didn't say anything, so outta anger, I chose the smallest room, so small that the rug was folded 3times under. We placed everything we brought from the car only for me to see my timbs. This woman is going to far, does she wanna dash her my clothes and shoes too?
Next momsie dropped the bombshell, threw my credentials and teller at me to resume Diploma in Computer Science. MA? I had played myself, I'm stuck with probably the smallest room in abeokuta(Abeokuta rooms are usually huge)
I couldn't sleep all night, mosquitoes and stench of weed were the least of my worries. I was pondering all these could happen to me. This was a fall from grace. I woke up so early and was out yelling Isale igbein campus to the cabs(as mum said I should)
Then a cab man stopped, came down, was about appreciating how cultured they were thinking he wanted to open the door for me. He actually came down to insult my life. Apparently, I live in Isale igbein, in fact adjascent to the mini campus. Lesson learnt.
I got into the school way too early so I went back home, changed my clothes and wore my timberland. I had to show them I was out of their league. I got back to see there were many like me...naive, clueless and wearing timberland. Made a few friends but my woes were about to start
One of the most feared schools in the west was close by. #MAPOLY was dreaded for many things, first on that list was the fierce and open cultism. #UNAAB mini campus was their Hunger Games arena. Each faction wanna see how many they could quickly recruit and blend
I had prior orientationon colours and handshake from UNILAG but nothing prepared me for this scale. All my clothes became obsolete, cult groups so much that they took all the colours from a pack of poster colour. I had to wear multi colored beach clothes to class.
I even resprayed my black Clark's boot and my red Snoop Dogg jacket. One by one, my classmates either dropped out of the program or were persuading me to join whatever faction they did. I could always sense danger and was out before anything happened
I was so sure they couldn't get me and in fact they gave up on me(or so I thought). My only weakness then was video games and pussy.
Always leaving class to play PS2, after all it's still basic maths and science we were being taught. At night, I slept at different girls' rooms.
I was new how easy sex was. #UNILAG would make you think you have to sell your birthright to kiss and I'm here telling just a joke and panties be dropping. Even my friends were coming to take notes as I was the stifler amongst them.
Then a particular day, I went visiting a babe, she wanted it straight awayand I was like we have all night. 11pm the landlady came to knock and chased me out o. Was dodging yours, cultists, vigilante and herbalists all night till I got home by 2pm. Was hiding in gutters and trees
I survived and slept till 12pm and ran to lectures only to be told that some number 4(if you know, you know)was looking for me. Haaa, they haff get me ooo. I was dodging in school, staying till the end of every lecture and avoiding love garden and cafetaria
Then on my way home I noticed weird faces stationed everywhere I could see. Then one calm small boy pointed at me to come. Who? Me? Am I him? Is him me? Am me he? That was the longest walk of my life. I approached him like and he met me half way like
Apparently each cult thought I was a member of the other. This one didn't care as he was a reckless type. He slapped me and "obtained" me of one of the only 3 Bluetooth phones in the school. And said he had declared war and I had 3 days to renounce my cult and join his. Lobatan
What cult sir? What is a cult? Ayemi o. *in Ogogo's voice* walahi talahi, mofolorun not a cultist ke? He went on to say the three girls he tried to date claimed I was their boyfriend and bragged I was a top shot. I got to Lagos an hour later and my mum was shocked
But since it was a a Friday, she felt I came for the weekend. I already started badmouthing the school hoping she tells me not to go back. She didn't bulge. Luckily one of my uncles came that weekend. He was a number one when he was in Mapoly
He told me not to worry and go back to school. I was so scared and attended Monday lectures expecting death. Was in the class till evening and when I finally stepped out, I saw the guy that threatened me. I just asked God for forgiveness and slowly walked away
As he came towards me, I walked faster, he walked faster, I ran and he did same...when he caught up with me he went on his knees to beg. I noticed his nose was bleeding. he said I must put my legs on his head and that they are watching. Wait who? Why? He said they would kill him
I told him I couldn't and he held on to my legs. By this time, my classmates were staring at the drama but he didn't care. The menace to everyone was begging Kennedy. I could see their gestures confirming to their friends as if the rumours were true. To be continued
OK let me continue the thread. Man has to go hustle. Done with my shoot so back to the story.
Next I knew, the crowd grew bigger. And cos he insisted and I wanted to get away in a hurry, I yelled at him to put his down and I stomped on it...maybe a little too hard and the reaction wasn't what I expected. It just confirmed the fears of my classmates...i should be feared
I lived the first few weeks in shame and fear of uprisal but instead I'm constantly being harassed by Mr number 4 asking for forgiveness. let's shift focus from cultism(trust me, the story will come up again). I knew I had to do well to get to the main campus,
I put in work and GP was looking good. Next MySpace and Hi5 took over, in no time, I was importing friends from "overschools" and man's was having fun. After all, it's the local ones that got me into trouble. It was all fun till I met a girl from tasued. I had bragged o
Mama came on the appointed day, she was way taller than the pubertised me(probably older too), she came bearing gift: 2 sliced bread, sardine, lots of milk and 4 vcd containing hardcore porn. She arrived Friday night and cleaned my room and fixed dinner...who does that?
By Saturday evening and say 5 rounds, I was still a man. By then we were on our second VCD looking for new styles. My friends came by knocking, we just ignored the knocks and mama was teaching me the nasties. Saturday night, I was already pleading cos I was sore
Early Sunday morning, I was telling her how I'm the only son of my mother. I was made to climb it, lick it, bite it, grab it, ride it, split it, cum on it, flip it, suck it, call her names, chop slap, slap back, drink piss, piss on her, get pissed on. I suffered o, had to beg
She said just 3 more rounds before she leaves, at that point, I changed it for her....who do you wanna kill? Dem send you? Are you using my destiny? Still somehow, her huge boob's landed in my mouth, I just laid there like a cadaver while she did her thing
She left just before night fall, I couldn't even see her off and she left, came back with more provisions, left me 3500 and said her final goodbyes. Wouldn't see her again for another 10years but she gave me an experience money rarely buys
A week later after my final diploma exams, I got wind of this exclusive party somewhere close to the main campus, all my female friends had been talking about it, I decided to carry myself there...went with two of my trusted friends so I was sure one of us would survive at least
I was a great dancer(now I just do a subtle shaku and I'm good). I discovered a long time ago that girls love dancers especially those with whining waist. My waist was gonna almost kill me that night. I waited for the right song to show myself....then Terry G free madness played
See me dancing and literally stepping on toes. Next someone switched off the light and I hear the chant of the black axe....ha, moku, mogbe, modaaran....won ti get MI. Next free madness part 2 played...tile tile I was back to stepping on toes and switching dance partners
Next, the most unusual thing happened, the light went off again....this time it was a buccaneer chant. At a time when they were counting scores in neighbouring OSU, it has happened!!!!
I'd have to continue this gist later needs my attention. I promise it's soon abeg
This one I'm receiving death threats already, lemme be writing as I'm pacifying le baby. OK here it comes...might be slow again, forgive me pls
Like a sharp guy I stepped out and was gisting with one of the girls I danced with outside when I saw my friend Mike whizzed past me. This guy was like 120kg and wearing a varsity jacket and timberlands, before I could make sense of it, all hell was let loose. Gunshots!!!
As time froze, I saw some guys outside regrouping and I could swear one guy opened an invisible cupboard and was handing his mates guns out of nothingness. Next I saw Mr number 4(told you his story continues)and he saw me too and pointed to me, at this point my legs entered turbo
They shot at me and Mr number 4 chased after me while the others went back in, I noticed he was able to see me in the dark cos of the luminous NY at the back of my shirt, I removed it and dived into the nearest gutter. I laid still and heard him searching for me
He was pained I humiliated him and was keen to kill me. Next i felt a bite on my back, Soldier ants all around me, I could not move. I guess he left to go help his brothers, as I was trying to get out, I heard the local vigilantes coming and i dived back into the gutter...again
the pain from the soldier ants started again but after a few hours, they probably got fed up of this loser and moved on. As I snuck out of the gutter, I saw Mike my friends exiting the gutter at the other side with some girl. We found our way home without exchanging words
We all got to my place, I was trying to shower and sleep and Mike came to me asking if I could excuse them, that was it!!! I pushed him to the wall and was yelling out threats when my neighbors(students) came and saw me....again. I didn't care even after he said
"but you get laid on a regular, why spoil my own chances", I didn't care, must have been the post traumatic stress yet I chased them both away, locked myself up till night, many other friends came to check on me partly to know if I was alive and partly to hear gist
I found out later only few was injured, they settled it and decided to rape innocent young girls instead. Many of whom ended their UNAAB dreams right then. But UNAAB wasn't done with me, in fact, it would fuck me up the more
I was home for the break when we heard admission list was out and I asked that my same "cousin" to help check if my name came out in computer science. She said it did and I called popsies in the UK then that his son has made it o. He asked me to request the specs of PC I wanted
Weeks later he shipped me a dell PC with 8USBs, DVD RW drive, LCD screen, audio and video card etc the best at that time and man's was ready to conquer new territories. I went about registration process thinking I got computer science and filled CSC on all forms
When it was time to verify, this woman insulted my life ehn as my name wasn't on the list. I kept arguing it was and she gave me the list with her, to my surprise, my name wasn't there and I decided to check the whole list. Lo and behold, I found my name ooo
My name was right there in CPT department(explains why my cousin taught it was computer science). Ma, it's here MA, I have found it. She laughed for like some 3minutes. This is CPT not CSC....ehn, it's computer naaah.
No mister, that's CROP PROTECTION
Crop eribuu wo lon protect fa? How naa? How do I tell the old man working 3 jobs in London or my mum raising 3 kids here in Lagos.
Inside the hot UNAAB sun(those who know, know the sun during registration is different), I went back to get new forms while seeking who to help... change my course, everyone kept telling me College of Plant Sciences(COLPLANT) NEVER releases their students. Finally my sagamu people have geolocated me. When my mates were studying law, medicine, "piloting"...I'm here protecting plant...Guardian of the forest
So one bastard ill-advised me to fail so COLPLANT would release me then I can switch to Computer Science seamlessly....more like senselessly. Seemed logical then, so I spent first year on Gallas haircut, female hostel, basketball ball court, front of library at night till exams
Just before exams, I met a final year student that helped me read in the library. She was genuinely trying to help and I was genuinely following her cos of her bumbum and fine face. Next the rumours started and those that knew me from mini campus didn't help either
She once heard the rumours and called me crying, told her not to bother about it, instead we played along, held hands in public, went to church together, studied together and "orva fins"
I helped with her project research and typing and she taught me how to read with ease and
Calculate my GPA. She also told me I needed at least a 3.0/5.0 CGPA to do masters. I changed my mind a little and passed some courses to keep me on track for 3.0 even if I switched departments. Results came, she graduated, I failed and wahala started
OK let's round up this thread, bigger thread coming on Friday. Where was I again?
Ehen, so the new semester of 300level(diploma meant direct entry to 200L) and I walked to my departmental office to submit my change of department form and letter and the HOD asked to see me. He said he requested the good eggs computer science couldn't accommodate
And was surprised I was failing this much. He was asking if all was OK at home and which coursei had difficulty with...Oga ade, ewo ni gaan...Shimile jare. In my Trump moment, I told him point blank I wanted to leave the department. He told me once I left, no coming back
I didn't care, I just collected the letter and mini transcript and headed to Computer Science department with shoulders high and chest puffed
After waiting 4 long hours to see the HOD, he told me they don't accept losers and failures. He offered a referral HSM(Home Science and Management)....Haaa. I pondered for months what to do, paid different people to help before I found courage to go back to CPT
I was begging them daily for weeks and they only accepted me back the week before first semester results with the promise I had to put in work...i did my part with two 5.0gp in 400L, let's just say I graduated, did masters and I'm all good now. More importantly, I'M NOT A CULTIST
End of thread. See y'all on Friday. Pls support my hustle pages on IG.
@ourweddi_ng @ourfoodie_ng @thar.ev @thehairyones and my fashion line @AnQ_ara
I'm more of an IG person for hustle! Thanks.
Oh and if you read it this far....reply with #imnotacultist
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