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[kie.ran] @danblackroyd
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I want to do a thread of TV show and movie characters where the project is clearly telling us they’re good, but they’re actually horrible human beings. I don’t think it will surprise you that most of these characters are male.
Xander Harris (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)

-repeatedly slut shames Buffy.
-entitled “nice guy”
-is aware Willow has romantic feelings for him that he doesn’t return and uses those feelings to his advantage throughout the run of the show.
-leaves Anya at the altar
Dawson Leery (“Dawson’s Creek”)

-slut shames his mother. Slut shames Jen. Slut shames Joey.
-constantly reminds Pacey, his best friend, that he thinks he’s better than him
-hides a misogynist worldview underneath what he thinks is cinematic romanticism
Lorelei Gilmore (“Gilmore Girls”)

-controlling mother.
-dismissive of her best friend.
-just as classist and elitist as her parents who she judges for both these traits.
-generally mean-spirited. Especially when threatened.
Joan Clayton (“Girlfriends”)

-the rift with Toni was her fault. End of story.
-“Classist and egregious” in the words of Maya.
Derek Shepherd (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

-verbally abusive and controlling of both of his wives.
-sanctimonious as fuck.
-hypocritical. Holds the rest of the world to a rigid moral standard that he himself doesn’t even follow.
-his sexual behavior is borderline sociopathic.
Nate Fisher (“Six Feet Under”)
-this may not count because I feel like the show lowkey acknowledges that he’s trash.
-he’s trash. A liar. Manipulative. Controlling (a recurring theme).
Captain Planet (“Captain Planet”)

-all talk, little action.
-forces children to do his bidding despite the fact that he has superpowers.
-questionable haircut that calls his judgement into question.
Willy Wonka (“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”)
-I’ve discussed this sadistic motherfucker. Employs slave labor.
-Reacts nonchalantly when children get injured and then makes his slaves perform a song to the parents about how it doesn’t matter because their child deserved it.
Grandpa Joe (“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”)
-I see we’re suddenly not so bedridden when there’s a chance to tour a chocolate factory.
-Grandma Josephine is getting tired of his shit. He don’t never buy her nothing.
Joey Gladstone (“Full House”)
-I get that he moved in to help Danny with the kids. But, once DJ and Stephanie got old enough to babysit, he was just squatting in his friends house for free at that point. Why are you still here, Joey?
Yogi Bear
-the original Joanne the Scammer. A thief. A stunt queen. A messy bitch who lives for drama and picnic baskets that don’t belong to him.
Carl Winslow (“Family Members”)
-serious rage issues that he continuously directs at his teenage neighbor.
-aggressively ignorant.
-constantly disrespects Harriet.
Jessie Spano (“Saved by the Bell”)
-proto white feminist.
-when she found out she was descended by slave owners, she dumped her feelings of guilt on Lisa in an attempt to be reassured they’re still friends. Girl...go sit your ass down somewhere.
Ross Geller (“Friends”)
-I haven’t seen a lot of episodes of “Friends,” but from what I’ve seen he definitely fits the bill of the “entitled nice guy” trope. And he dresses like a fucking Backstreet Boy in the later seasons. Grow up, dude.
Jim Halpert (“The Office”)
-not *terrible* person, but he’s not nearly as good as the show thinks.
-controlling of Pam
-those pranks he plays on Dwight...if my coworker did any of those things to me once, I’d say “never do that again. I’m telling you this with my mouth once.”
Chris Traeger (“Parks and Recreation”)
-wanted to fire Ben and Leslie for dating, but he dated one of his subordinate’s (Jerry) much younger daughter.
-classic example of nice but not kind.
-cheerily controlling.
-probably voted for Trump
Kirk Gleason (“Gilmore Girls”)
-probably murdered somebody at some point. Probably enjoyed it.
-a nuisance. And he’s got a mean side that often comes out.
-a grown man who blames his mother for his issues.
Homer Simpson (“The Simpsons”)
-I hear a lot of people (mostly men) talk about how he’s stupid, but he’s a great husband/father. He’s a terrible husband/father. He loves his kids and his wife, but he’s willfully lazy and inept and always leaves Marge holding the bag.
Tamera Campbell (“Sister, Sister”)
-often manipulated Tia into taking part in her schemes, which usually exclusively benefited her.
-was always jealous of Tia, often about things she didn’t even wave herself. Just petty.
Aiden Shaw (“Sex and the City”):
-paternalistic AF. Very controlling.
-entitled nice guy.
-the most basic of the basic bitches.
-masks real rage issues underneath a veneer of disingenuous cheer.
Harry Crane (“Mad Men”)
-dick masquerading as a “nice guy.”
-desperately wants the “cool kids” to like him despite the fact that he’s a grown ass man.
-cheats on his wife a lot.
-a classic mediocre white man failing upwards. Pass.
(He’s lowkey cute, though. In a way I’d fall for)
Susan Delfino (“Desperate Housewives”)
-clumsy and absent-minded to the point of negligence.
-horrible taste in men. All this extra-ness behind Mike Delfino’s boring ass? Really? Okay, girl.
-forces her teenage daughter to parent her.
-slut shames her neighbors. A lot.
George O’Malley (“Grey’s Anatomy”)
-falls in “love” with Meredith after knowing her for two seconds just because she’s pretty and blonde.
-treats her like shit because she cried during sex with him.
-treated Callie like shit.
-entitled nice guy (a theme)
Andy Dwyer (“Parks and Recreation”)
-knowingly took advantage of Ann and then stalked her after their relationship was over.
-trades on the fact that he’s charming and he knows people think he’s stupid to take advantage of women in general.
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