My self is mainly effected by 3 things;
Gender Dysphoria
Anxiety
and Depression.
Like the Greek Moirai, Depression effects my view of my birth, Anxiety effects my view of my life, and Depression effects my view of my death.
However a better metaphor for these ignored illnesses...

...would be that of Judge, Jury, and Executioner.
Dysphoria, the Judge of my self, refusing me of absolution.
Anxiety, the Jury of my actions, assuming wronging yet undecisive as how.
Depression, the executioner, yet instead of an axe, it's a slow poison, like a lethal injection.

Just two of these problems and maybe I'd be able to live my life, but all three heads of this hydra breathing their wretched hellfire on my self.
How I got this far with all this? Fear of death. Just because the thoughts of death haunt me, doesn't mean I idolize it.