Hi, all. I write jokes for TV, but not long ago I was a financial analyst. I had my Series 7.

For those who say Fran Drescher or any SAG-AFTRA member should stop whining and appreciate what they have, let me give you a lesson in capitalism. 🧵 The WGA and SAG-AFTRA are dealing mainly with publicly traded companies, companies that have a fiduciary responsibility to their shareholders.

Netflix, for example, has 88.21% of their shares held by institutional investors - banks, hedge funds, insurance companies, etc.

Elections should be about voting for those you can trust — politicians who will stand by their words.

As we see the SCOTUS battle play out, please share this thread of liars.

Hold them all accountable with your voices and your votes. 2016, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas): “It has been 80 years since a Supreme Court vacancy was nominated and confirmed in an election year. There is a long tradition that you don’t do this in an election year.”

Just so everyone is clear, sending federal agents to incite violence is the textbook definition of terrorism.

"The unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims."

"Operation Legend" is state-sponsored terrorism. For everyone in this thread who says "incite" isn't the proper word:

Trump's secret police aren't there to keep the peace.

Their goal is for the protestors to fight back, giving them the narrative Trump needs.

They are there to incite violence, plain and simple.

To honor John Lewis, please share this speech, his speech, on the House floor calling for commonsense gun laws.

Though he will not live to see them, men like John Lewis plant seeds for the shade of trees they will never get to sit under.

Help those seeds grow:

(Thread) For months, even for years, through several sessions of Congress, I wondered: What would bring this body to take action?

What will finally make Congress do what is right?

What is just?

What the people of this country have been demanding?

And what is long overdue?

A message for Trump and Stephen Miller on Independence Day:

We are America, not you. We are the ones who get to claim the spirit of the American revolutionaries.

Cancel culture? The American colonials canceled the entire country of Great Britain. In 1776, after a reading of the Declaration of Independence, a group of New Yorkers physically pulled down a statue of King George III in Manhattan.

We haven't forgotten our history. Like the colonials, we are striving for a history that doesn't honor our oppressors.

@realDonaldTrump Speaking of low IQ, Trump didn't even know what the 19 in COVID-19 stood for. @realDonaldTrump Speaking of low IQ, Trump believes that windmills cause cancer.

For the 55% of Americans who approve of Trump's handling of the Coronavirus, I give you a thread of real quotes the occupant of the White House has made.

If you can read through these and still support him, then may God help you, because you won't help yourself. January 22: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.”

One day, I wrote a tweet that James O'Keefe paid $100K to settle a defamation case.

That technically wasn't true. He paid $100K to settle a case where he broke a state law barring the secret recording of someone's voice or image.

Anyway, he threatened to sue me over it. Rather than get entangled in his bullshit, I retracted the statement. I did make sure to say in my retraction that James O'Keefe is a piece of shit.

This guy literally printed it out and put it up on his wall.

He framed a tweet saying he was a piece of shit to own the libs.

Dear Marco Rubio,

The only thing worse than your football analogies was your Presidential run. (thread)

https://twitter.com/marcorubio/status/1062522615666016256

What's actually happening is that one team is celebrating with time still left on the clock.

The other team is picking up a yards and getting closer to the end zone.