My husband @svendawhite is White + Muslim. I had a trippy dream yesterday: I was married to Svend, but met up with another Svend who is a different guy but the same? In the dream, I'm contemplating cheating on [Muslim Svend spouse] with [White non-Muslim boring other Svend] ...
(I know it's hard to keep up) in the end I decided [non muslim Svend] wasn't worth the trouble, so I backed away.
Narrated the dream to real-life Svend. "So you were planning on cheating on *me* with *me*? Your cheating dreams are really lacking in imagination, aren't they?"
Pandemic cheating dream? Cheating on spouse with same-but-other spouse, so is pandemic-safe? One might say, you should get out more but I DON'T so.
Many of us never speak publicly about what we believe -esp religious views on gender & sexuality. Because of community gossip & judgement that can literally get people kicked out of jobs, orgs, networks.
People learn to self-censor.
For male religious leaders of known harmful behavior, as long as they buy into patriarchy and traditional gender roles, all is forgotten. Women too must buy into patriarchal religion to be acceptable.
I'm mostly not into self-censoring - it's not a big virtue; it's due to my circumstances, where I live, my spouse, the kind of person I am. My solidarity is relatively open.
But I'm aware of possible dangers. When you work within the community, there's always risk.
The single clip from "Cuties" that is being circulated is not representative of the entire movie.
I have watched it. This is a serious, ethnographic film by a Muslim woman on girlhood, cultural tension, race, belonging, sexism, and the widespread sexualization of girls.
Yes, there are some terrible camera angles and images. I would not show it to your young kids. If you are attracted to little girls, you should not watch it.
But sexualized content is widely available and impacts young girls. That's the point. That's the reality of our children.
The two-minute clip is part of a story. It is not the whole story. This girl is torn between cultures, yearning to belong, deploying her body.
The ending is amazing. I can't say more because spoilers. But it's beautiful.
In case you're wondering, I am quite prudish as people go.
I contemplate some key N American Muslim women leaders, scholars, organizers
Then I consider some of the community brothers who rise to celebrity-level prominence with not HALF the leadership, organizing, emotional, interpersonal, spiritual skills+strength of these women
I think to myself
So-and-so would be next-level prominent in the community if she were a man
With some power, her skills and experience would make real change in our orgs, our communities, our mosques!
and I get mad.
And then, when one of these amazing women makes a much-needed critique of our communities, she is lambasted and excluded from leadership, her critique lives in long memories, and she becomes framed as an outsider.
Contrast with how abusers & racists are uplifted & defended.
In my many yrs on this planet, I've served many orgs & institutions. I've learned there's a certain type of person who has the talent of figuring out how to dine off an org, while contributing the least amount of labor in return. Ppl like me take a job description seriously ...
as in, to serve & build the org. But the parasitical type of person looks at the org and sees not a flowerbed they can nurture, but a larger animal whose purpose is to be leeched off, sucked dry, & eventually discarded.
They grow fat, accumulate laurels, & keep the powers happy.
The key qualifications they have are this: They are neither encumbered by excess competence or professionalism, or by inconvenient ethical principles.
They are free to follow the route of profit & power. They are trusted because they're as self-serving as those already in power.