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Just off a WhatsApp call w/a friend in Europe who's been studying narcissism and wants me to consider a few things about the man I left earlier this year. He was not surprised by the ghosting and stonewalling; I too had expected it, bc the fellow in question has done this before.
2) Europe said, “It's a sustained tantrum on his part, a way of prolonging the last of his controls over you.” I had expected he'd do this, & have been using his behavior to clear up questions in my head about the intrinsic value of the relationship.
3. I told Europe, “He's done this before.” The last woman had been an abuse survivor and he told me she was “nuts.” I questioned why he'd ever been with “nuts” in the first place, and why he felt ghosting and stonewalling her had been a compassionate response.
#BubbleStory book notes:
The bubble is not about enclosure or safety, but about control. It's not a biodome but a mold, where control is exerted, and members are expected to conform or be excluded, even degraded.
The bubble is not about enclosure or safety, but about control. It's not a biodome but a mold, where control is exerted, and members are expected to conform or be excluded, even degraded.
2) Narcissistic family systems run largely on anger, so there's a lot of telling, not discussion. There's no love in the joyful sense: it's about dominance and control, manipulation, even bullying and humiliation. Members are frequently triangulated to afford control.
3) To make the triangulations run more effectively, certain members are favored while others are made 2nd class citizens—hence the favorite, the scapegoat, and the lost child who just can't master competence. But who would run their family this way?
