Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #NationalTellAJokeDay

Most recents (6)

Guy steps up to the 18th tee box, leading by one in the club championship. His wife is caddying for him. Severe dogleg right. Drive doesn't take the fade and ends up straight and long - rolls through the fairway. Gets up to his ball to find a bathroom between him and the green.
Asks his wife to prop open the front door and go around and hold open the back door so he can hit a 3-iron through the bathroom doors and up toward the green. She does. Just as he's making contact, she peaks around the door to see what he's doing. Ball hits her right between...
...the eyes and drops her, dead. One year later, he steps up to the 18th tee, leading by one in the club championship. Different caddy. Drive doesn't take the fade and ends up in the same spot as last year's drive. Onlookers gasp. Walks the fairway with his head bowed, clearly...
Read 6 tweets

β€œDonald Trump!”

(Donald Trump is the joke)
Rachel Maddow is hellbent on taking Mitch McConnell down…
Donald Trump goes round the bend and back again…
Read 5 tweets
I will not be participating in this #NationalTellAJokeDay chicanery. This is a professional, serious feed moderated by a famous rage pigeon skeleton animated by a cursed amulet.

Thank you for your understanding in this difficult time for me.

FINE, just one.

"A vulture boards a plane carrying twelve dead armadillos. Flight attendant comes up to the vulture and says, 'I'm sorry ma'am. We can only allow one carrion on this flight."
OK. Fine. If you insist... one more.

"What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?"

"A humpback whale"
Read 5 tweets
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ There's like barely over a dozen people there last night. This was his major "address to the nation" he hyped with a press release.
Read 3 tweets
- Hey, it's #NationalTellAJokeDay! Do you know why sharks swim in saltwater?
- No, why ?
- Because if it was pepperwater they'd sneeze all the time!!
Read 8 tweets
"There will be no downside to Brexit, only a considerable upside."
David Davis, October 2016


"The day after we vote to leave, we hold all the cards and we can choose the path we want."
Michael Gove, April 2016


"Getting out of the EU can be quick and easy – the UK holds most of the cards."
John Redwood, July 2016


Read 15 tweets

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