Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #WarOnChristmas

Most recents (23)

So, Christmas is here. And here's a secret I'm only sharing with my 50k most intimate friends: I don't actually hate this holiday.

It is, however, a complicated one for me, due to growing up evangelical, and that was the impetus behind the #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar threads.
So, now that the day is actually here, I will say it: Merry Christmas! Of course I regret nothing of my service in the #WarOnChristmas.

As a bonus to the #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar, enjoy this headline about a Florida Man whose heart seems to have been in the right place.
He thought he could get away with this in Pinellas County though? Really?

Christmas magic mostly died for me a long time ago, with vestiges remaining in guilty pleasures, processed through irony.

If you had to grow up singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, you might understand.
Read 9 tweets
#WarOnChristmas
What percentage of my #Christmas catalogues say Christmas ?
0 of 2
#WarOnChristmas
What percentage of my #Christmas catalogues say Christmas ?
0 of 4
#WarOnChristmas
What percentage of my #Christmas catalogues say Christmas ?
0 of 6
Read 30 tweets
Alright, #WarOnChristmas freedom fighters! I am here to compose my last daily thread in this campaign!

We have fought hard. We are weary. We may need to vent. So I propose we continue the Festivus airing of grievances. And boy do I have one to air.

Why is #ChristmasEve a thing?
So sit back and relax in as coastal elite a manner as possible--if you have them at your disposal, sit down at a MacBook Pro and drink organic ginger lemon kombucha, as I am doing--and join is as I go over all of my objections to #ChristmasEve.

What other holidays get an Eve??
Alright, alright, some Yahoo will immediately burst in like the Kool-Aid man and shout, "New Year's Eve!"

But bear with me; I will attend to objections such as this in the most curmudgeonly way possible as I go through this thread. And NYE is simply not a secular equivalent.
Read 20 tweets
It’s December 23, O godless liberals, and there are only two persecuting days left to martyr our FOX-loving enemies by delivering unto them greetings for holidays other than Christmas.

DO IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Today’s an easy day to fight the #WaronChristmas - it’s Festivus!
I’m tired, so today’s #WaronChristmas thread is short.

Feel free to air your grievances in the replies!

Let’s get down to the big reveal in our #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar!

Behind the little door for Dec. 23...

We...

Find...

Brian’s mom airing her grievances!
Read 3 tweets
Time to get serious, #WaronChristmas troops!

It’s December 22, and there are only three persecuting days left till Christmas!

Take heart:

On this day in 1864, General Sherman captured Savannah, Georgia, and immediately forbade the residents from saying “Merry Christmas.”
Okay, I made up that bit about banning “Merry Christmas.” But this is war! And as General Sherman maintained, war is hell.

Anyway, let’s get ready for today’s #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar big reveal!

First, let me say happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate—it’s the first night!
Here are a few other things you can wish people well on today instead of Christmas:

- It’s Mother’s Day. In Indonesia

- It’s Teacher’s Day in Cuba, with whom we have diplomatic relations these days (thanks, Obama!)

- In India, it’s National Mathematics Day

#WaronChristmas
Read 9 tweets
O come, O come Emmanuel

It’s your birthday! It’s your birthday!

* * *

No, not Jesus! 🤦‍♀️
The very suggestion is silly.

Trump’s frenemy, Emmanuel Macron, was born on December 21, 1977.

And now it’s time for today’s #WarOnChristmas thread!
Which, btw Mac, thanks for making this 1980 baby who has never been close to being a head of state feel really unaccomplished.

But that’s okay, this thread isn’t about me! It’s about our cause, the great War on Christmas, and O godless Twitizens, today is a very fine day for it!
It’s December 21, and there are only 4 persecuting days left till Christmas!

Thankfully, today is the perfect day to oppress our enemy, as the true reason for the season has arrived—the Winter Solstice!

Some of you pedants out there will insist the true reason is axial tilt...
Read 9 tweets
Twas the night before solstice, and what was amiss?

There were no signs about of the #WarOnChristmas!

Had the godless and liberals all given up?

Fighting Christmas, perhaps, demands more than a cup!
But then what to our wondering eyes should appear?

Tis the start of a thread bringing secular cheer!

* * *

Because as you know, the war on Christmas isn't over till it's over. And the #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar must go on!
So hark ye herald evildoers, it's December 20, and there are only 5 persecuting days left till Christmas! Five days to make sure you speak inclusively to our FOX-loving fellow Americans, so that they can be whiny martyrs.

Seriously, that's the best Xmas gift you can give them.
Read 16 tweets
O Come All Ye Faithless, it's that time again. Time for the daily #WarOnChristmas thread!

It's December 19, and there are only six persecuting days left till Christmas. Find a Republican Christian and inflict some vicious persecution on them by wishing them a happy Thursday!
As we contemplate today's not-Christmas possibilities, let's take a moment to wish a happy birthday to the anti-Trump resistance's own @Alyssa_Milano, who was born on December 19!

As for the day in general, it's pretty meh. But there's always something not-Christmas to focus on
@Alyssa_Milano You just have to look for it. For example, today is the feast day for two Catholic popes. One is Pope Athanasius I, who became pope in 399 and died in 401.

He condemned the writings of Origen, who, whatever faults he might have had, at least supported universal salvation.
Read 8 tweets
Greetings in the name of the meaningless void, O godless Twitizens! Today is December 18, and there are only 7 persecuting days left to say “Happy holidays” to FOX-watching Christians and thereby vanquish our enemy in the #WarOnChristmas!

Yesterday we celebrated Saturnalia.
Today, we celebrate the impeachment of the illegitimate president beloved of the “Merry Christmas” fanatics, only the third U.S. president to be impeached.

We may also recall that on December 18, 1655, the Whitehall Conference ended in Oliver Cromwell’s England.

#WarOnChristmas
The Whitehall Conference concluded with the decision to allow Jews, expelled in the late 13th century, to settle in England.

This was the position favored by ol’ Puritan busybody Oliver himself, the unlikely hero of this series of #WarOnChristmas threads

Read 5 tweets
Hello and good evening, O godless liberals of Twitter, and a very merry un-Christmas to you! No, I haven't forgotten my duty to persist in the #WarOnChristmas!

For the last couple of days, the virtual #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar has followed an American history theme.
In today's very short thread, we're going to take a trip back much further in time, and across the Atlantic. Because, you see, apparently the very first Saturnalia was celebrated in 497 BCE in ancient Rome.

As many of you know, Saturnalia is at the root of what became Christmas.
The decorating of trees was part of this festival in honor of the Roman god Saturn, equivalent of the Greek Cronus. Saturn was associated with plenty. So eat, drink, be merry, decorate trees if you want, and have a grand ol' pagan time. The solstice is the reason for the sesason!
Read 6 tweets
I’m restarting today’s #WarOnChristmas thread from here because some pedant who probably shouts “Merry Christmas” to everyone had to point out that I typed “15” twice, when obviously I meant there are only 10 days left to persecute right-wing Christians by including everyone.
Time to build to today’s
#WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar reveal!

Yesterday, we broke the fourth wall, using two sobering anniversaries to examine how the phony “war on Christmas” itself is a weapon in the authoritarian US Right’s ongoing information war.

So, what incarnation (pun intended) of anything-but-Xmas should we employ today in order to peeve the snowflake army of “Merry Christmas” maniacs?

There are a number of appealing possibilities for a historian (yes that is my professional training) to draw on.

#SundayThoughts
Read 14 tweets
It is. O godless citizens of the Republic, today is December 15, and there are only 15 persecuting days left till Christmas!

No more dilly dallying then; it’s time for today’s #WarOnChristmas thread,
in which a combination of snark and informed commentary will culminate in...
Today’s big reveal in my virtual
#WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar!

Yesterday, we broke the fourth wall, using two sobering anniversaries to examine how the phony “war on Christmas” itself is a weapon in the authoritarian US Right’s ongoing information war.

Read 3 tweets
Hear ye, hear ye, O people of Twitter! The #WarOnChristmas never sleeps, and—well tbh that’s a terrible idea; get plenty of rest.

But be vigilant! It’s December 14; there are 11 persecuting days left till Christmas. Tell someone who watches FOX “Happy holidays!”

WHILE YOU CAN
As usual, in my thread building up to today’s

#WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar

big reveal, I will make a few comments on the significance of today’s date, December 14.

Today marks some quite dark anniversaries, including the horrific #SandyHook7yrsLater elementary school shooting
I want to step out of character for a moment and pause to remember the Sandy Hook victims and their families, who have been further victimized by Trump-loving bully and professional grifter Alex Jones, who spread vicious conspiracy theories about the shooting.
Read 25 tweets
Good morning, intrepid defenders in the #WarOnChristmas conjured by the radical Right (that’s the only Right currently in power in the U.S.) and forced upon us partisans of pluralism through no fault of our own!

It’s December 13; there are 12 persecuting days left till Christmas
It’s time for today’s entry in my #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar!

Today is #FridayThe13th and, apparently, World Violin Day.

According to @urbandictionary, December 13 is “the day all the best people are born,” so quick, someone check the birthdays of Trump’s WH staff members
As for World Violin Day, I’d never heard of it till I looked up December 13, but the violin is a wonderful instrument.

Find an aggrieved Christian to wish a happy World Violin Day to today.

If they get offended you can say they have no taste in music. This will in fact be true.
Read 6 tweets
Good morning/afternoon/whatever, fellow travelers in the #WarOnChristmas! Sorry for the late start; I swear eggnog had nothing to do with it.

It’s December 12. With only 13 persecuting days left till Christmas, be sure to wish a right-wing Christian a happy Constitution Day!
What’s that? You didn’t know it was Constitution Day? Well it is. In Russia.

There, the 1993 Constitution, honored with today’s holiday, increasingly means whatever Putin wants it to.

That makes it exactly the sort of constitution our “Merry Christmas” maniacs would prefer.
We thus route our enemy in the #WarOnChristmas with a double bind. If the insist on only accepting “Merry Christmas,” they are refusing to celebrate the Constitution of the Russian Federation, thus in a backwards sort of way more or less taking a stand in support of rule of law.
Read 9 tweets
Evil greetings, #WarOnChristmas freedom fighters! It’s December 11; there are 14 persecuting days left to stick it to the martyred majority before Christmas.

Did you know that today is International Mountain Day according to the United Nations? I didn’t either

#WednesdayWisdom
As we established yesterday, of course, the “Merry Christmas” maniacs who brought this imaginary war to us have a deep-seated and abiding hatred of the United Nations, so let’s run with International Mountain Day.

It’s solidly secular after all, right?

And hey, mountains are pretty great. I learned to ski in the Colorado Rockies back in the 90s. Fun times.

As a bonus, the UN’s info on the day is chock-full of references to climate change, a factual phenomenon in which our enemy refuses to believe:

cstroop.com/2019/09/30/epi…
Read 8 tweets
It’s December 10, and there are only 15 persecuting days left till Christmas!

Today is Human Rights Day, which is ipso facto an act of persecution of Christians. Obviously.

Behind today’s #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar door, we find:

1950s Billy Graham!

It’s December 11, International Mountain Day, and there are only 14 persecuting days left before Christmas!

What’s behind today’s door in the #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar?

Why...

It’s...

Wait for it...

Creationist propaganda about Mount St. Helens!

It’s December 12, Constitution Day in Russia and the day of an important election in the UK!

There are only 13 persecuting days till Christmas.

So, what’s behind today’s door in the #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar?

It’s...

A 6-pack of local #PDX beer!

Read 21 tweets
Good morning, #WarOnChristmas freedom fighters! Today is December 10, meaning there are only 15 persecuting days left till Christmas.

Be evil by saying “Happy holidays!” today to one of those good Christians who just want the religious freedom to force the rest of us to be free
Fortunately for us, December 10 is already a special day of horror for America’s #GoodChristian™ folks—Human Rights Day.

Oh the humanity.

On this day in 1948, the United Nations General Assembly—future tool of the Antichrist—adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
This year, the wicked secularists at the UN have truly outdone themselves in persecuting the #GoodChristian™ population of the United States.

O godless liberals, the theme of this year’s Human Rights Day is Youth Standing up for Human Rights! Please join me in maniacal laughter
Read 10 tweets
#WarOnChristmas freedom fighters, we have an illiterate “Merry Christmas” troll with zero sense of irony behind our lines.

Could everyone please wish him a happy Solstice? Thanks
Well that was a quick delete. What a snowflake
Here’s what he had tweeted
Read 3 tweets
Ok #WarOnChristmas freedom fighters, there are 17 persecuting days left till Christmas!

December 8 is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, the WTAF theology of which was made Catholic dogma by papal bull(sh*t) only in 1854.

So, what’s behind today’s advent calendar door?
As one disturbingly gross and saccharine #ChristianAltFacts story deserves another, behind the little #WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar door for Dec. 8 we find:

...

...

...

...

The completely made up evangelical story of the candy cane!
Did you know that the candy cane is, redundantly, made of candy because Jesus’s “love grows sweeter every day?”

Neither did I, because that’s completely made up nonsense!

Also, it can’t be BOTH a shepherd’s crook AND a letter J, Beverly. I mean come on 🙄🤦‍♀️🙄🤦‍♀️

#EmptyThePews
Read 6 tweets
So @sophiasgaler asked me to make a #WarOnChristmas advent calendar, and I couldn’t say no.

So from now until Christmas, I’ll be tweeting how many persecuting days we godless liberals have left and virtually opening each day’s little calendar door in this thread.

#EmptyThePews
December 6, Saint Nicholas Day (a big ol’ godless liberal “Bah, humbug!” to that).

Behind the door is: Rod Dreher, eternal ass-clown of the radical Christian Right!



#WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar
December 7, National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.

Know who is tarnishing the legacy of Americans who died in World War II?

Christian fascists, that’s who.

And behind the little door we have: Weirdos in the White House!



#WarOnChristmasAdventCalendar
Read 5 tweets
“McFeely said the city has sent video clips to Hallmark and exchanged emails.”

Literally one town over from where I mostly grew up they’re trying to get Hallmark to come film a Christmas movie because of course they are

#WarOnChristmas #ThursdayThoughts wthr.com/article/carmel…
Life imitates (bad) “art” imitating peak white feminist fantasy, I’m dying here 🤣

But alas, a happy ending may prove elusive:

“Hallmark shoots most of its films in Canada where it gets hard-to-beat tax breaks and other incentives.”

#ThursdayMotivation #ChristmasKitsch
Read 5 tweets
Intel had led us to a small outpost, 70 clicks from the North Pole. We weren't told the origin of access codes, but you don't get that kind of secret from a willing elf, even a turned one.

The outpost was almost invisible in the snow, but in radio it glowed.

#WarOnChristmas
The access codes got us onto the elf rad network, but we needed to override the proxim sensors.

Thankfully the elves hubris betrayed them, out here in this white wasteland they had neglected to segment the core from the proxim. A sweep scan found an open elfcam.

#WarOnChristmas
You see the elfcams are older than the rest of the proxim sensors. While most proxims can distinguish elves from humans, the elfcams were designed to monitor humans and so they don't alarm, only provide a live feed.

They also have a vulnerable rad interface.

#WarOnChristmas
Read 13 tweets

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