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#pregnancyhelpline
"Can I just trauma dump?" a sobbing girl asks me.
You know, I am actually really, really not good with feelings. I don't like to see others' pain. I am uncomfortable sitting with people in it. Because I want to fix it. I want them to be happy.
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"Can I just trauma dump?" a sobbing girl asks me.
You know, I am actually really, really not good with feelings. I don't like to see others' pain. I am uncomfortable sitting with people in it. Because I want to fix it. I want them to be happy.
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I want them to not hurt. And when I can't DO anything to help, I just feel like a useless lump of coal. So emotional calls make me uncomfortable. But I can't tell her no, either. Like, this is my job. I just feel so bad at it sometimes.
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But anyways. We talk and her story comes out. She's pregnant. The baby's father loves her, she says, and she loves him. But he does not want the baby and has told her that he thinks she should get an abortion. But she doesn't want that, and she's not going to do it.
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#pregnancyhelpline
#pregnancyhelpline
This woman told me her man was trying to say he was not the baby's father. "He told me he is sure he pulls out every time, so he is trying to make it seem like he is not the factor here, but I know because he is the only man I see."
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#pregnancyhelpline
This woman told me her man was trying to say he was not the baby's father. "He told me he is sure he pulls out every time, so he is trying to make it seem like he is not the factor here, but I know because he is the only man I see."
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Oooooh boy. These are always fun conversations. So we talk about pregnancy and sperm and the pullout/withdrawal method and she's like, "Yeah. Yeah, I know all this. I just needed to make sure, you know? Because he is saying all sorts of things right now, like how he has...
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...erectile problems and on and on. But I'm thinking he's trippin."
And we discuss how men sometimes freak out when they learn they might be a dad. We talk about paternity testing. She thinks he's just shocked right now, and not ready.
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And we discuss how men sometimes freak out when they learn they might be a dad. We talk about paternity testing. She thinks he's just shocked right now, and not ready.
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#pregnancyhelpline
I talked to a young woman this week who thought she was maybe 5 mo. along. We chatted a bit, she asked what services the center she was wondering about offered. I let her know. She understood they did not do or refer for abortions, but she still wanted...
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I talked to a young woman this week who thought she was maybe 5 mo. along. We chatted a bit, she asked what services the center she was wondering about offered. I let her know. She understood they did not do or refer for abortions, but she still wanted...
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...to get an ultrasound done.
Then she asked, "What if I wanted...to, you know...terminate?" Very quiet voice. I don't know if she was scared or ashamed or both or neither or something else. We generally discussed state laws, exceptions and she seemed to be following along.
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Then she asked, "What if I wanted...to, you know...terminate?" Very quiet voice. I don't know if she was scared or ashamed or both or neither or something else. We generally discussed state laws, exceptions and she seemed to be following along.
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Then: "Is it just pills? Or do they have to go up inside me?" Very quiet again.
5 months is about 20 weeks, give or take maybe 2 weeks. Just based on her best guess, of course. She hadn't had any prenatal care or an ultrasound yet so she wasn't 100% sure.
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5 months is about 20 weeks, give or take maybe 2 weeks. Just based on her best guess, of course. She hadn't had any prenatal care or an ultrasound yet so she wasn't 100% sure.
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I've been doing hotline work quite a bit the past few weeks. You ready for several #pregnancyhelpline stories? I don't care. You're getting them. I find this work gives me a glimpse of reality not seen on Twitter, the news, or any other public outlet. First story:
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The weeks since New Year's have been filled with women seeking abortion. I don't know if data backs up higher numbers of abortions done in January as opposed to December, but anecdotally, it seems that way.
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One thing I've noticed is how many women are so grateful merely to have someone to talk to who takes the time to listen and explain.
One day a couple of weeks ago I had 3 callers in a row seeking the abortion pill.
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One day a couple of weeks ago I had 3 callers in a row seeking the abortion pill.
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#pregnancyhelpline
When a woman has an abortion then has unprotected PIV sex 2 days later & wants to know if it's possible she could get pregnant, that indicates parents and society are doing their children a great disservice by not educating them about fertility & pregnancy.
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When a woman has an abortion then has unprotected PIV sex 2 days later & wants to know if it's possible she could get pregnant, that indicates parents and society are doing their children a great disservice by not educating them about fertility & pregnancy.
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Unfortunately, working at a pregnancy helpline means I see the worst sides of issues at hand, like pregnancy, abortion, BC, EC, STIs, etc.
I can tell you abortion is done as birth control sometimes. I can tell you not every women gave informed consent for her abortion.
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I can tell you abortion is done as birth control sometimes. I can tell you not every women gave informed consent for her abortion.
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I can tell you parents are not discussing sex or sexual relationships with their kids and whatever sex ed is being taught in schools (or however it is being taught) is not being listened to by students.
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#pregnancyhelpline longer story, but worth reading every part! A positive outcome we don't normally get to see at the helpline bc we just don't normally get this kind of follow-up.
A young woman called last Thursday. She had started a surgical abortion procedure.
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A young woman called last Thursday. She had started a surgical abortion procedure.
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She is only 17, about 5-5.5 months along, and her bf who threatened to leave her if she did not get an abortion had actually already left her, even though she agreed to finally get the abortion. But she wanted to to reverse it (she never wanted it to begin with).
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We were able to transfer to a local PHC center where she talked to someone. This person had never handled a request to reverse a surgical abortion in her 20+ years at the center. However, she had a good relationship with a nurse at the local hospital.
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#pregnancyhelpline
So many pregnant women simply need someone to listen to their story and to remind them they are capable, they are strong, and there is support for them.
A teen mama called, already had a 4 month old and is pregnant again. I don't think she was actually
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So many pregnant women simply need someone to listen to their story and to remind them they are capable, they are strong, and there is support for them.
A teen mama called, already had a 4 month old and is pregnant again. I don't think she was actually
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seriously considering abortion, but she was freaking out and thinking about how bad her last pregnancy was.
Birth (natural) was very painful. Baby daddy had left her when she was 7 months along. Mom had to scrape together what she could to help her get ready for the baby.
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Birth (natural) was very painful. Baby daddy had left her when she was 7 months along. Mom had to scrape together what she could to help her get ready for the baby.
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Her current SO, whom she has known a long time, has readily accepted her first child as his own, supports her, she's financially stable and has a safe, clean place to live.
But she's scared of the pain and scared her mom will be disappointed in her.
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But she's scared of the pain and scared her mom will be disappointed in her.
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#pregnancyhelpline post abortion regret
These calls are more common in the late night and early morning hours.
A young woman near my age called, sobbing. Her abortion was a trauma no one understands or is willing to listen to her about.
She had an abortion a year ago.
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These calls are more common in the late night and early morning hours.
A young woman near my age called, sobbing. Her abortion was a trauma no one understands or is willing to listen to her about.
She had an abortion a year ago.
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She had been with the father for 5 years at that point. She said he thought he was supporting her but all actually offered to do was to call the abortion clinic for her. 🙄
He wanted kids. She still wants kids. He left her 1 month after she got the abortion.
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He wanted kids. She still wants kids. He left her 1 month after she got the abortion.
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The day she called me, she had gone to a baby shower for her ex's current baby mama. She said she had to leave a few times because it was too overwhelming.
All she could think about was how SHE should have a baby right now, how old he would be (she always refered to her lost
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All she could think about was how SHE should have a baby right now, how old he would be (she always refered to her lost
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#pregnancyhelpline Just a good chat...
A lady called really just needing to talk. She experienced a miscarriage back in October. She has 4 kiddos already but she and her SO were (are) open to having more, and it hit them both hard. In fact, she went on bc because she did not want
A lady called really just needing to talk. She experienced a miscarriage back in October. She has 4 kiddos already but she and her SO were (are) open to having more, and it hit them both hard. In fact, she went on bc because she did not want
to go through the pain of another miscarriage. But had side effects, etc, and she eventually decided to come off of it. Now...she's late on her period with pregnancy symptoms and she is excited but a little nervous. She is excited to welcome another child with her SO, who she
loves and knows will be a great father, but she is nervous she may miscarry again. SO we talked abut rainbow babies, learning patience, and having hope. She was so thankful to have someone talk to to share her feelings with before taking a pregnancy test, and I assured her we'd
#pregnancyhelpline A soft answer turns away wrath 😆
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Sometimes we get a really angry caller, and they could be angry for any number of reasons. This lady was not just angry. She was irate and looking for a fight. She called 4 times. I got her the 3rd and 4th time she called.
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Sometimes we get a really angry caller, and they could be angry for any number of reasons. This lady was not just angry. She was irate and looking for a fight. She called 4 times. I got her the 3rd and 4th time she called.
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I was much better prepared the second time around to try to deal with her. After yelling at me, cursing at me, calling me white trash, telling me I had a nasty attitude, saying I was insulting her intelligence, etc. on my first and second call with her, I decided to deploy a
I was much better prepared the second time around to try to deal with her. After yelling at me, cursing at me, calling me white trash, telling me I had a nasty attitude, saying I was insulting her intelligence, etc. on my first and second call with her, I decided to deploy a
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very useful tactic, which is to actually stay on the line, but to continue speaking softly, offering help, apologizing, and acting like her screaming was totally normal. Some might call this "playing dumb" or maybe "playing nice." But I figured there *might* be a reason she
very useful tactic, which is to actually stay on the line, but to continue speaking softly, offering help, apologizing, and acting like her screaming was totally normal. Some might call this "playing dumb" or maybe "playing nice." But I figured there *might* be a reason she
#pregnancyhelpline desperation
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A sniffling, quiet 23 year old girl calls and is scared she is pregnant. She only had sex a week and a half ago, so a urine test won't be able to tell quite yet if she is or not. She is already trying to schedule an abortion, because she's living
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A sniffling, quiet 23 year old girl calls and is scared she is pregnant. She only had sex a week and a half ago, so a urine test won't be able to tell quite yet if she is or not. She is already trying to schedule an abortion, because she's living
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with her parents over the summer and she's worried they will kick her out if they find out she is pregnant. After informing her she would have to wait a few more days before being able to take a urine test, she got more upset and asked if she could just go ahead and schedule
with her parents over the summer and she's worried they will kick her out if they find out she is pregnant. After informing her she would have to wait a few more days before being able to take a urine test, she got more upset and asked if she could just go ahead and schedule
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the abortion. So back to square one. I had to explain, no, she could not schedule an abortion if she does not even know if she's pregnant. Spent some time calming her down, getting to know her situation better. We finally agreed taking things one step at a time at this point
the abortion. So back to square one. I had to explain, no, she could not schedule an abortion if she does not even know if she's pregnant. Spent some time calming her down, getting to know her situation better. We finally agreed taking things one step at a time at this point
#pregnancyhelpline Fishy business Ed.
A woman calls after taking the first abortion pill. She says a lady on the sidewalk outside the clinic gave her a brochure with our number, and she really does not want to go through with the abortion.
(Thanks, kind sidewalk counselors!)
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A woman calls after taking the first abortion pill. She says a lady on the sidewalk outside the clinic gave her a brochure with our number, and she really does not want to go through with the abortion.
(Thanks, kind sidewalk counselors!)
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Before I transfer her to the nurse, she tells me she had an ultrasound and the clinic worker told her she saw 2 embryos! Then they told her only one was alive.
She asked me how they would know that, because there was no sound coming out of the machine. She assumed it was bc
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She asked me how they would know that, because there was no sound coming out of the machine. She assumed it was bc
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she was too early for them to pick up a heartbeat, but wondered then how'd they known one embryo was dead already? They also wouldn't tell her which one on the screen was the one they were asserting was already dead.
I said I wasn't sure, but to ask about it when she got her
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I said I wasn't sure, but to ask about it when she got her
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#pregnancyhelpline
Post-abortion regret, Men's edition
Yes, men experience it, too. With the rise in regret calls, I've been hearing from more men, too. This is both good and bad.
It's bad because...wow, there's a lot of regret for a part in a bad decision out there.
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Post-abortion regret, Men's edition
Yes, men experience it, too. With the rise in regret calls, I've been hearing from more men, too. This is both good and bad.
It's bad because...wow, there's a lot of regret for a part in a bad decision out there.
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It's good, though, because more men are realizing their powerful role in women's decision-making regarding pregnancy, and how they've knowingly or unknowingly coerced a woman into an abortion. They also don't know who to talk to because the person they want to talk to is the
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person they coerced into the abortion and that person may not be ready to talk about their abortion.
For example, one young man called and told me he was just realizing he coerced his gf (now fiance) into an abortion about a year ago. He told her it was just like going to
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For example, one young man called and told me he was just realizing he coerced his gf (now fiance) into an abortion about a year ago. He told her it was just like going to
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#pregnancyhelpline
I had to sit for a bit after this one, I admit. It was a late night call. While I think this woman ultimately is going to be better off, the call just made me so emotional. The injustice of it all gets to me sometimes. So. Prepare to be a little heartbroken.
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I had to sit for a bit after this one, I admit. It was a late night call. While I think this woman ultimately is going to be better off, the call just made me so emotional. The injustice of it all gets to me sometimes. So. Prepare to be a little heartbroken.
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I answer with my standard line, and all I hear is this woman sobbing. I can tell she is trying to calm down, but she's crying too hard and hiccuping while trying to talk. So I just start by telling her it's ok, take her time, breathe. She finally is calmed enough I can
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understand her, but she's still crying. She keeps telling me she is so sorry, she never wanted to do this again, she never thought she'd be in this situation, she can't believe what she did. I'm thinking she's talking about an abortion. I've had a few calls like that. But no.
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#pregnancyhelpline heart-jerker edition
So I've talked about minors calling in the past. These always get me. Well, recently I had a call from a 15 yr old girl, and when she first got on, she was just a sobbing mess. I get her to calm down, and the story comes out.
She just
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So I've talked about minors calling in the past. These always get me. Well, recently I had a call from a 15 yr old girl, and when she first got on, she was just a sobbing mess. I get her to calm down, and the story comes out.
She just
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took a pregnancy test in her bathroom and it came back positive. She is freaking out. She has told no one-she literally just looked up a number to call after getting the test result. So I have a crying girl in her bathroom. She tells me her mom is a single mom and would want
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so much better for her. She is afraid her mom will be so disappointed her daughter is making the same mistakes she made, and this girl feels like she should have known better, so know her mom is just going to think she is "a fuck-up--pardon my language >sniffle<."
Wow, where
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Wow, where
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#pregnancyhelpline #doubts edition
This from my colleague, who decided to share an encouraging story with me after I got off a particular call.
Some women call us and want to schedule an abortion, get a referral for an abortion, or have already scheduled an abortion and just
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This from my colleague, who decided to share an encouraging story with me after I got off a particular call.
Some women call us and want to schedule an abortion, get a referral for an abortion, or have already scheduled an abortion and just
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want more info before going into their appointment. (which is a little weird-why don't they feel comfortable calling the place they are scheduled for the procedure at to ask for more info?)
So a woman calls her and tells her she is scheduled for an abortion is two days.
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So a woman calls her and tells her she is scheduled for an abortion is two days.
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My colleague chats with her, asks a few questions, mentions our centers. Then the lady lets her know that she has actually already been to one of our center. In fact, she went there after scheduling her abortion to get a free ultrasound. She said the women at the center were
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#pregnancyhelpline #thingsIhear
#Abortion regret edition, 2
A call I got recently was from a lady who was just sobbing wildly on the phone at first, I couldn't understand anything she was saying, I just told her she's fine, take her time. She calms down enough to tell me a
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#Abortion regret edition, 2
A call I got recently was from a lady who was just sobbing wildly on the phone at first, I couldn't understand anything she was saying, I just told her she's fine, take her time. She calms down enough to tell me a
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very odd story. She went to a clinic to get the abortion pill procedure done. They gave her the first dose of medication at the clinic, and gave her the dose of the second medication to take home in a brown paper bag.
She did not want the abortion. She says she regretted the
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She did not want the abortion. She says she regretted the
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decision even as she was going into the clinic. Well, she gets home and finds out the 4 pills she was supposed to get were only 2 pills, and the packaging was not intact and one of the 2 pills was not whole. She focused her feelings into anger and went back to the clinic
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#pregnancyhelpline #thingsIhear
Abortion regret edition, 1
Do you know how many women contact me expressing #abortion regret?
A lot.
These women come to me usually at the end of their rope, completely desperate. They feel they cannot tell their family or friends or SO about
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Abortion regret edition, 1
Do you know how many women contact me expressing #abortion regret?
A lot.
These women come to me usually at the end of their rope, completely desperate. They feel they cannot tell their family or friends or SO about
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their feelings. In many cases, it was one or more of these people who encouraged them or even pressured them to have the abortion in the first place, or is encouraging them for doing the right thing afterwards. Sometimes they have told no one about the pregnancy or abortion.
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In all these situations, it boils down to them keeping all the feelings of regret, guilt, shame, doubt, sadness, fear, anxiety, etc. inside because they are afraid of telling someone close them and getting judged and being made to feel worse, or being dismissed and not helped.
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#pregnancyhelpline #thingsIhear
A young woman called me, she was very early in pregnancy. She was trying to decide whether to have an abortion or carry to term. She was facing pressure from her family for one option, and from her bf for another option. She just did not know
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A young woman called me, she was very early in pregnancy. She was trying to decide whether to have an abortion or carry to term. She was facing pressure from her family for one option, and from her bf for another option. She just did not know
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what to do and had never found herself in this situation before, so she hadn't really thought about her options. It was later at night, so I had more time to talk with her. We went over carrying to term and adoption, since one thing she was afraid of was providing for the
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baby and having them grow up in a good environment, She mentioned she knew she could not carry to term only to give her child up. If she carried to term, she would have to parent.
(Many women I talk to feel this way, btw. Adoption is not an option bc they do not want to be a
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(Many women I talk to feel this way, btw. Adoption is not an option bc they do not want to be a
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#pregnancyhelpline #thingsihear
These are the calls that make me question how seriously wrong we've gone as a culture.
Young woman in early 20s calls. She is just a few weeks pregnant. She wants help figuring out who the father of her child is. Not an atypical request I get.
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These are the calls that make me question how seriously wrong we've gone as a culture.
Young woman in early 20s calls. She is just a few weeks pregnant. She wants help figuring out who the father of her child is. Not an atypical request I get.
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So I let her know that doctors can only tell with an accuracy of about a week when a woman got pregnant, and it may take til she is much further along for them to get that accurate of a timeframe. So if she had sex with more than one partner within the week timeframe...she may
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need a paternity test.
With that info given, she then proceeded to tell me her specific story.
She had sex with her partner during the day one day. She had sex with another guy about 9 hours later, at midnight, and sex with her partner again the following afternoon.
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With that info given, she then proceeded to tell me her specific story.
She had sex with her partner during the day one day. She had sex with another guy about 9 hours later, at midnight, and sex with her partner again the following afternoon.
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#pregnancyhelpline slightly more optimistic version
An 18 yr old calls, she's 17 weeks pregnant. Her bf is very supportive, has gone with her to her 3 appointments so far and is saving for baby stuff. She is about to graduate highschool. She lives with her grandparents.
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An 18 yr old calls, she's 17 weeks pregnant. Her bf is very supportive, has gone with her to her 3 appointments so far and is saving for baby stuff. She is about to graduate highschool. She lives with her grandparents.
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She is certainly not considering abortion, but she just needs to talk about how to tell her parents and grandparents the news. His family knows about them and the baby. Her family does not know about either. She's hidden her state so far.
She is afraid of disappointment.
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She is afraid of disappointment.
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She wants her grandparents, who have raised her, to be proud of her. She wants them to see she has succeeded in her studies while pregnant. She wants them to see how supportive her bf is. But she's scared.
Her mom knows. She thinks her mom only knows about her bf,
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Her mom knows. She thinks her mom only knows about her bf,
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