Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #puns

Most recents (4)

If I proved to you that a 2500 year-old cult believes that the way to bring about heaven on earth is to first create hell on earth, and then, you saw the world going to hell, would you connect the dots?
All Jewish people who whine and bleat about the perceived rise of "anti-semitism", would be well-advised to STFU, and prioritise cleaning their *own* house first...
Rabbi Marvin Antelman, To Eliminate The Opiate Vol. 2

Behold the 'genius' logic of Cabala, aka #doublethink....
Read 33 tweets
It’s #Monday, I’m boozing it up at a 4 seat bar, the #barkeep is a long pourer, and I’m all fucking set if I get something stuck between my teeth.👇🙃 #RandomThoughts #drinking #OutAndAbout
Shooting the shit with a friend, she’s proud to be doing well with her plants - unusual for her.

The key was a #video explaining the benefits of pruning.

She needs REASONS. She got them.

Apparently, pruning in a particular manner stimulates growth hormones.
#RandomThoughts
Of course, this led to me initiating a discussion about the #movie I just watched on Hulu, called “The German Doctor.”

The main character was Josef Mengele. #ThisHappened

People, this is why I’m known in my circles as “The Black Hole Of Conversation.” SMTH
#RandomThoughts
Read 239 tweets
#nebrasummit opens with reminding we are a region of 156 clubs, 2300 license holders, 139 events
SoTU: road rider days, 11,766, down 7%, for 41 events, down from one YoY
cx rider days, 11498, down 22% for 31 events, down from five YoY
#hotlinetake : KMC is looking at Hartford for '19
Read 115 tweets
Hey @Walmart, I have a story for you. Tonight I visited store 908 in Orlando. I was on my phone reading my shopping list when an employee approached me. He was a young man between 18 and 25 I’d guess. In a very high-pitched, falsetto, Mickey Mouse-like voice, he said,
“Can I help you find anything?” Now, my first thought was “Oh my, what an unfortunate thing it is, to go through life as an adult male with that voice.” But, I shrugged it off and thanked him saying I was good. Since I was near the toy aisle, he then asked if I was shopping for
toys for anyone. I said I was just going through my shopping list making sure I had everything. And then, to quote Will Smith as The Fresh Prince, “...my life got flipped, turned upside down.” Bryan then looked at me and said “Ok, thank you for shopping at Walmart!”
Read 12 tweets

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