My loyalties have been questioned and, of course, I am usually assumed to be queer (because to be straight means to hate women).
You have to let go of the need to be liked by other white people. It's pretty messed up if you have to comply with racism in order to be liked. You'd be the person who pushed a stranger in front of a moving train to be accepted into a fraternity or sorority.
White privilege is like a boomerang. Even if you throw it away, it will come back right to you. So, fear not. Pissing off a few fellow white people who are racist won't ruin your life and, again, the costs pale in comparison to what it costs us.
You're white. A person of color has directly or indirectly suggested that something you have said about race/POCs/white people is problematic or something you didn't intend to be about race was inherently related to race. They might even have said "you(r comments) are racist."
You feel a wave of emotions: surprise, anger, resentment, sadness, embarrassment. The person of color has questioned your racial politics, your allyship to people of color, your commitment to liberalism, equality, and social justice. You are hurt!
You want to do many things while not providing more fodder for the accusation that you are racist. Maybe you want to say "I'm not racist," or "you're reading into things," or "you're being overly sensitive," or "it's not always about race," or "you're playing the race card"
People in power define social identities as they have the means to control the narrative – news coverage, platforms to broadcast their platforms, & the power to influence law enforcement and legislation. Social identity affects how people perceive themselves and others. 3