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The Cattle Raid of Cooley; Epidsode 18. Haven listened to enough of Fergus’ stories about Cuchulainn, Maeve orders her army to cross the river. On reaching the north bank, they are now in the territory of the Ulster king. But where is Cuchulainn? #TainOnTwitter
Far away to the north, the Ulster warriors at Emainn Macha are assembling to repulse the invaders. “Howyas” said the Ulster king “are yis looking forward to kicking the Connaught men back across the Shannon?”. But the Ulster men were uncharacteristically silent #TainOnTwitter
“What’s wrong boys?” Asks the king. “A pain” said one, “cramps” said another. “More like a gripe” added another, “tenderness” said someone else. “Misery” “no, more like a twinge”, “mine feels like a pang”, “Yes, a pang” agreed several others #TainOnTwitter
Cattle Raid of Cooley. Episode 17. Forgal’s daughter, Emer, had already warned him of the danger he faced in Scotland. “Lovely jubly” said the Ulster hero “Scotland is lovely and so are the Scottish people, shure what could go wrong” #TainOnTwitter
As Cuchulainn approached Scotland he saw some warriors near the “Pupil’s Bridge”. “Howyas”. “Howya, Are you going to try to cross that bridge” they asked. “Are you going to stop me” he asked. “No” said the boys sitting back as if to enjoy a show #TainOnTwitter
Cuchulainn walked boldly onto the bridge - the boys watched with amusement. “What are ye smirking at?” he asked. “Nothing” grinned the boys. Next thing the bridge sprung up firing the Ulster hero into the air “yoooooo!” he yelped as he landed back where he started #TainOnTwitter
Cattle Raid of Cooley: episode 16. Cuchulainn has returned from Meath and madness and is now back among his Ulster friends. “Howyas”, “Howya, Cuchulainn - we are just trying the apple-feat and other nimble fighting techniques, will you join us?” #TainOnTwitter
Cuchulainn was a apple-feat genius and when the Ulster WaGs saw him performing it they were mighty impressed; “we’ve never seen such a romantic and risqué apple-feat before” they said. The Ulster husbands were very unimpressed “hmmmmmmh” they sulked #TainOnTwitter
The Ulster husbands hald a meeting. “I’m doing apple-feats for years and the wife never compliments me” moaned a husband . “Cuchulainn does one and everyone thinks he’s a hero” agreed another. “We need to get him a wife”. “Secretary, put that in the minutes”. #TainOnTwitter
Cattle Raid of Cooley: episode 15. “What would today be good for?” asked someone from a passing Druid. “If a warrior took up arms today” replied the Druid “his name would endure in Ireland forever”. “By golly!” said Cúchulainn “that’s the job for me” #TainOnTwitter
Cuchulainn approached the king “Howya”, “Howya - would there be any chance of you giving me your spear, sword, shield- in fact all your weapons” he asked “also your chariot”. “What do you want them for”. “To kill things with”. “No bother so” replied the king #TainOnTwitter
Cúchulainn and his charioteer decided to take a trip to Ulster’s southern border on the Fews mountains. There they met Conal Cernach - Crooked Neck - who was guarding the pass. “Howya” “Howya - What do you want boy”. “I merely want to kill things replied Cúchulainn #TainOnTwitter
Cattle Raid of Cooley: episode 14. “Boys” said Fergus to the boys “sit down there and I’ll tell you about Cúchulainn, the lone Ulster warrior who is going to kill most of you”. The boys sat down “we’re dying to hear about him” said the boys #TainOnTwitter
Maeve’s army had reached the previously unnamed ford on the River Mattock, now known as the Ford of the Forked Branch. “It’s lovely here” they said as they sat down to hear about Cúchulainn #TainOnTwitter 
“He wasn’t alway called Cúchulainn” said Fergus “when he was a gosson he was called Setanta”. He lived near Dundalk and decided to go to the Ulster capital at Emainn Macha. “Nothing strange there” said the boys. “He was 7 years old” said Fergus #TainOnTwitter
