Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #umnxebaWodumo

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#NdebeleTwitter herewith Season 2, Episode 1 of #UmnxebaWodumo.

My Hillside Experience

It all began when I met uGalvin. Sagidla sonke eMoray but yena yilezana ezazingaboni nex. So he tells me he is now a waiter. Phela bragging about jobs is the new ntenene bragging contest Image
2. Nxa sifika ku parking he gets into a very expensive car. Ngangenwa yingubhane madoda. This guy owayekopa Kimi ama Corrections is now driving this sexy thingumabob? Zimbabwe ilesono shame. My ego was sodomised I tell you. He saw it and said, don't worry call me. I can help you Image
3. After serious thought, ngimfonele after 3 days. He tells me ukuthi akwenzi ukuthi sikhulume over the phone. I must go to his work place siyexoxela khona. I just cudnt believe it! Galvin wama ansa arongo now has power to call me to his office? Kunzima bo Jo Image
Read 17 tweets
As promised herewith the thread about my experiences. #ChroniclesofHope
Thread 1: The Clouds Gather

It all started with a WhatsApp Chat below on the 1st of May. This is 2 months before the July 31 Demonstrations was announced. At this point nothing suggested that am in danger
2. Everything was normal in the Zim sense way. Somehow, this message confirmed with my spirit. Something was afoot in the horizon and God warned me through someone I least expected. I needed to start preparing for that fateful day
3. I had seen how @JoeMzacaNgulube had been in activism & remained unknown in these streets. I decided to grow my Following. I had 386. I changed my content and used my other talents: Humour and Storytelling via #UmnxebaWodumo. I also embraced #NdebeleTwitter. I grew to over 2k
Read 21 tweets
1. #NdebeleTwitter Herewith Episode 8 of #UmnxebaWodumo enjoy 😂

Escape Sexcapade

Once it was established that your Favourite Malume is a Dark Force I knew I had to skip the country. So I left and headed for a village close to the border. The chief welcomed me kuhle sibili Image
2. The Chief advised that I stay okwamalanga till the Mkomana who knows amasotsha comes back. Phela Abadizeki nxa kungelamuntu obaziyo. So I had to wait and enjoy iHospitality yenduna and his 6 wives and his pretty Mabhobhodlwana. Bahle abantwana beNduna madoda Image
3. Since I was a fugitive ngangingasebenzi. I spent the day ngingumatshaya inyoka. Ngibuka amabhekane abantwana beNduna. Umalume wenu phela vele uyalingeka. Ngugwayi liyaluma. Yikho engumalume. Lakanye ngirobhe okukodwa. Umthobanhliziyo uyadingeka when one is stressed Image
Read 18 tweets
Herewith #NdebeleTwitter #UmnxebaWodumo
Episode 7

My Plumtree Experience

Umalume as some of you might not know, usebenza izinto ezinengi. He is a defender of the #Zimbabwe Constitution against the #2ndAmendment. So I was deployed ePram ukuyafundisa abadala.
2. Phela to make money ethe xaxa in these missions kumele uhlakaniphe. Instead of ukuyalala eOmadu, I decided ukucela indawo yokulala emzini Wabantu. Challenge, angazimuntu. Needed a solid plan. Ngenzenjani? I decided to wayawaya, oluzulayo ngoludobhayo bo Jo
3. I decided ukuya eskotshweni. OMrs Njiva bonke bathe fatsha bhoyi. ICovid ivalele amadoda ngale, sebengomazakhela. Lenkulumo zakhona uyazizwa ukuthi hayi mani, uyashota umthobanhliziyo. I stood there deciding ukuthi ngingene siphi
Read 17 tweets
#NdebeleTwitter herewith #UmnxebaWodumo Episode 6

My Gwanda Experience

So I get a call that my cousin Spiro has died. Ngisegoli. Quickly I go to PowerHouse & gada okungamabhasi kwenu okutshiphileyo. Kuthwele ama Border Jumper lama dealer wodwa. Plus ku overloaded Image
2. Every Roadblock kuyamiswa. Sikhupha ama R20. Kuyafa. Impahla sihamba siyethula. Ogogo beMasvingo abadla wayawaya bahamba becela irecess every 20Km. 2 days sisendleleni. Kwafela eGwanda okuyibhasi. I get a call to sleepover in Gwanda bazangithatha ekuseni sesisiyangcwaba
3. Mina swi. Yehliyani straight to Gwanda hotel. Kuthwe fully booked. Next option ko Growly (Wakanda name be this) Again fully booked. Ngibhode wonke fully booked. I go and kwejisa eRiver Dance (another weird name for a club). Ziyawa kodwa shame Image
Read 15 tweets
#NdebeleTwitter namuhla ngidinwee. Kodwa 50likes can encourage me to do episode 6 of #UmnxebaWodumo Image
Lets meet here at 10😑
Check my TL. Usukhona #UmxebaWodumo
Read 3 tweets
#UmnxebaWodumo suhluphile bo bhoyi. Kodwa some say it's too long. Akelitsho ke #NdebeleTwitter, How long must an average thread be? I will put 2 samples on replies
Read 3 tweets
Herewith Episode 4 of #NdebeleTwitter Big Saturday Read, #UmnxebaWodumo

Ukulobola iKharadi

As you are aware, UMthwithi is a Dombo 4 Hire. Ngake ngayalobola ikharadi eBarham Green. Bo Jo! Samiswa egedini for almost 2hrs. Gedi lakhona alila intercom futhi. Ilanga litshisa bhe Image
2.. After sesiphose sawela inkanda, thutshu isalukazi seKharadi. A bubbly granny I must say. Will call her Madea. She looked tipsy though and umthabo wakhe bordered around ukuba lizankanyana, just a bit. Kulomsebenzi lapha ku Madea. Clearly. She welcomed us warmly though Image
3. Lami ngangigqoke iLobola outfit, that one ethi AngikaSenti but Ungangijwayeli amasimba. Madea led us into the house saya naba phezu kweTile eliqanda moo, No cansi. For luck I don't wear iskhindi for such missions. Igear box yahle yathi kwata phezu kweTile. Ngaphosa ngafroza. Image
Read 19 tweets
#NdebeleTwitter herewith #UmnxebaWodumo Episode 3.
From Lokitshini to Mayadini

The change to emayadini imnandi bo Jo kodwa the differences are vast. Ama bustop akula bo bhampeni labo lapho ecina khona. I address yenkomponi can pass for a phone number emayadini
#ZanupfMustGo
The worst for me was the changes eskolo. 1st day of school ngahle ngathola a nick name. My teacher did not know where Amaswazi Primary School is. She said kusemaguswini. Okungamasalala kwahle kwavele kwathi nginguMaguswini guy. Imagine!
Ngale koLokitshi umbalisi ngu Titsha for a male and Misi for ongumama. Ngapha it's Teacher for either. You can imagine sengihlekwa sengithe Titsha with that mkhemeswane accent. Ukugoqa ulimi to pronounce words was a nightmare. Abanye besithi khethel mina ngangisithi khekli bo Jo
Read 16 tweets

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