Rich Profile picture
Who needs actions when you've got words? He/him.

Sep 21, 2018, 12 tweets

Will be live-tweeting Gerard Batten's speech to the #Ukip conference shortly.

"It's about time we made crime illegal, in this country" begins Gerard Batten to applause.

New Ukip policy-document proposes to give Neighbourhood Watch Associations recognized status as courts.

Exuding a sense of great ambition - which belies a domestic lifestyle.

Gerard Batten modestly proclaims that under his leadership, Ukip have made historic gains.

Going from zero councillors and no MPs in 2017; to no MPs and zero councillors in 2018. "A number which can only increase" he says, proudly.

Ukip's new education policies bind commonsense to patriotism: "a framed copy of the Magna Carta must be displayed in all primary schools" + morse code lessons will become "a compulsory part of the national curriculum".

On the subject of Brexit, Gerard Batten intones:

"Simple maths demonstrates that we will always have the upper-hand against the EU. The British are simply the best, and Europeans want to be British - so they will have to do as we say. One country outnumbers twenty-seven".

Audience goes wild.

Gerard Batten moves on to the issue of foreign policy. "The Channel Tunnel will be widened by 12 inches". This should "pay for itself, as exported livestock can be lined up sideways".

Batten has a strong message on political correctness: "while there's no law against burning poppies, or flags, it's now illegal to set fire to public libraries which stock copies of foreign books. No telling where that might lead".

#Orwell

Gerard Batten relays an anecdote to support his point: "I don't know what a "selfie stick" [he does the fingers thing here] is, and quite frankly I do not want to know.
If anything this whole episode merely serves to show everything that is wrong with our country, these days".

Not clear whether the audience are cheering, or trying to catch the attention of a passing waiter.

Batten concludes - complaining about the suppression of free speech, by the mainstream media.

His speech will be broadcast by ITV, Channel 4, BBC News, & Sky News later today. The Daily Mail, Sun, Express, Telegraph, and Times are expected to provide extensive quotes.

Share this Scrolly Tale with your friends.

A Scrolly Tale is a new way to read Twitter threads with a more visually immersive experience.
Discover more beautiful Scrolly Tales like this.

Keep scrolling