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Apr 14, 2019, 67 tweets

Here we go then...

The ultimate #GameOfThrones character thread:

Jon Snow:

Where do I begin? My King. Insane fighter. The hero we need. The hero we deserve. Shagging his aunt but at this stage anything goes. 9.9/10

Daenerys Targaryen:

Fierce. Perhaps too fierce. Got a feeling she will royally fuck everything up IN the end. Fit. 7/10

The Night King:

I wouldn’t be pissed if he won. Incredible arm. Undead army. Zombie dragon. It’s his to lose. Hasn't had to say a word and is already a TV GOAT. 9/10

Jaime Lannister:

The man. He’s come a long way since pushing Bran out the window. Legendary character development. Hope he’s the one to kill his sister. The King and Queen slayer. Poetic. 9.5/10

Cersei Lannister:

Shame. Shame. Shame. Queen Bitch. Love her for it. Has a serious drinking problem. Hope the tit armour returns in season 8. Paranoid beyond belief. If she survives I’ll be amazed. 8/10

Tyrion Lannister:

He could fall in a shark tank and talk them out of eating him. Master negotiator. Funny. Witty. Still wouldn’t trust him. 9/10

Sansa Stark.

B-Tier Stark. She was genuinely useless for like six season. Just munching on fucking lemon cakes. Incredible glow up. Should've left with the Hound after Blackwater. 4/10

Arya Stark:

The baddest bitch in the lands. No chance she survives until the end. In fact whilst I remember. WTF was that scene when she left the Faceless Men and she was just wondering around Bravos without any care in the world? Loses 2 points for that. 8/10

Bran Stark:

Tree weirdo. Didn’t even notice he missed the whole of season 5. Can’t believe he pied off Meera the way he did 💀 2/10

Varys:

Lived rent free in Littlefinger's head. Icon and hero. No cock. 8/10

The Hound:

Absolute hero. Heart of gold. The thought of Cleganebowl is the only thing that keeps me going 🚨🚨🚨 Can't wait to see him and Arya back together. What a duo. He will eat every fucking chicken in this place. Stay alive please. 9.5/10

Samwell Tarly:

Has grown on me throughout the show. Killed a Thenn and White Walker. Impressive. He’s obviously surviving. He’s the one writing the Song of Ice and Fire. Let his dad drag Gilly in front of him. L. 5/10

Theon Greyjoy (Reek):

Started off as a prick. Got mugged off big time. Joined the no cock club. Respect for saving Sansa I guess? Most relevant Greyjoy which isn’t saying much. 4/10

Brienne of Tarth:

Another grower. Brienne the Beauty. Everything is so OTT with her. Imagine her kids with Tormund. Great beasts that would rule the world! 4/10

Tormund Giantsbane:

Lowkey the funniest person in the series. Warrior. Shagged a bear. Would probably shag anything that moved. Would love to go for a beer with him. 9.5/10

Jorah Mormont:

This guy has lived his last ten years in the friend zone 😂😂😂 Move on fella. You’re old. Still a donny though. 6/10

Davos Seaworth:

The Onion Knight. This legend. Most humble man in the Seven Kingdoms. He is the ultimate survivor. Would be genuinely sad if he dies. 9/10

Melisandre:

The Red Woman. Evil. Living proof to never trust a woman. The night is dark and full of terrors. Arya is going to slice her up differently. 2/10

Gilly:

Pretty boring. Don’t have much to say about her. I used to pretend she was a Pokemon and could only say her name. Gilly Gilly Gilly. Meh. 3/10

Ser Bronn of the Blackwater:

Love this man. Top fighter. No shame. No honour. Admire him for it. Wouldn’t surprise me if he sold his services to the Night King. Wouldn’t blame him either. 8.5/10

Grey Worm:

Needs to grow a pair and man up this series. Elite killer. As much charisma as a cardboard box. 6/10

Littlefinger:

Had Sansa and Cersei on absolute strings. Sleazy. Got very boring towards the end. “I’ve only ever loved one woman...Your sistah!” Inject. 6.5/10

Missandei:

She does her job. Keeps everything ticking over. Game of Thrones Gareth Barry. 5/10

Pod:

Top shagger. 9.5/10

Eddison Tollett:

He has a serious job on his hands this series 😂😂😂 Should never have been left in charge of that wall. 7/10

Gendry:

Got played a fool by the Red Woman and the Brotherhood. Decent chap. Would like to see him marry Arya. Will probably die. Did spend about 4 years rowing. 6.5/10

The Mountain:

He defines brick shithouse. Absolute undead unit. I wouldn’t want to fight him. Cersei’s bitch. 7/10

Ned Stark:

This guy. Stuck to his values then bitched out at the end. Lost his head. Literally. Will never forget seeing him die. Game of Thrones at its best. 6/10

Catelyn Stark:

Made some horrendous decisions. Spent half her time moaning. Boring. Also no Lady Stoneheart so loses more points. 2/10

Robert Baratheon:

Fuck me. What a guy. Bow you shits, bow! Gods he was strong back in the day. Killed by a boar. Sad he’s not still with us. Iconic voice. 9.5/10

Khal Drogo:

Imagine this specimen against the Night King 💉💉💉 Miss him every day. Moon of my life. 9/10

Tywin Lannister:

A true Alpha Male. 8/10

Joffrey Baratheon:

An all time legendary villain. Jesus I miss this kid. Words don’t do him justice. He really was a prick and we loved him for it 😭 9/10

Robb Stark:

Followed his cock and look what happened. Complete mug. Paid for it with the biggest L in history. Good. 1/10

Rickon Stark:

Zig-zag. Fool. Irrelevant. Next. 1/10

Margaery Tyrell:

Spent too long trying to one up Cersei for me to care. Had no problem sleeping with Tommen. Doesn’t sit right with me. Won’t be missed. 3/10

Stannis Baratheon:

Stannis the Mannis. He got shafted big time. The throne was his. Unreal war general. Unforgiving. Lost his head big time in the end. 8/10

Hodor:

Not looking forward to him coming back as a wight 😞 Led a tortured life because of that tree nonce. Felt sorry for him. 7/10

Alliser Thorne:

Pure Game of Thrones Brexit. Leave means leave character. Dished out blue passports and wallops like they were going out of fashion. 9.5/10

Grenn:

Came from a farm. Killed a giant. Held the gate. Now his watch has ended. Legend. 7.5/10

Ramsey Bolton:

What a monster. A nasty nasty guy. Helped Theon escape just so he could capture him and cut off his dick. Have time for that tbf. 5/10

Roose Bolton:

His voice gives me chills. "You're not a Bolton, you're a Snow." Ahhhhh. Had some brilliant lines. Good character. 6.5/10

Meryn Trant:

Nonce. 0/10

Shae:

This woman makes my piss boil. Don't even want to talk about her. 0.5/10

Oberyn Martell:

The only good thing to come out of Dorne. Had the Mountain beat. Instead started fannying about. YOU RAPED HER! YOU MURDERED HER! YOU KILLED HER CHILDREN! Should've just got the job done fella. 9/10

Olenna Tyrell:

Queen. Caused untold mayhem. Everything she said was nasty. Loved her. Her parting shots to Jaime were proper naughty. "He really was a cunt." Rest now. 9.5/10

Ygritte:

I loved her. You know nothing Jon Snow. Sorely missed. Expert archer to boot. 8/10

Jaqen H'ghar:

Started off wicked. Finished a boring old fart. Dry. Can't deny his killing ability. Feel like he will make a comeback this series. Needs to redeem himself for wasting mine and Arya's time. 5/10

Olly:

Prick. Look at his stupid face. Mug. 0/10

Tommen Baratheon:

Had an absolute rocket like Margaery in his bed and he was too busy playing with his cat. Harmless enough but only the strong deserve to survive this. 4/10

Osha:

Didn't mind her. Crafty. Cunning. Probably snitched on Rickon because she knew he was a beta. 7/10

Karl Tanner:

He was a fucking legend in Gin Alley. A fucking legend! He would take any knight. Any time! He didn’t look like a fucking ball sack. Prick. 8/10

Syrio Forell:

Low-key legend. Not convinced he’s dead. Fully expecting him to pop-up and save Arya. Was caught with his pants down. “The best sword in Bravos didn’t have a fucking sword?!” Fair. 7/10

Might as well plug my other threads 🤷‍♂️

Inbetweeners. It banged. 9/10

twitter.com/i/moments/9915…

Love Island 2018 contestants:

Also popped big time.

Call me Thread Sheeran. 8.5/10

twitter.com/i/moments/1024…

Ned Umber:

Fucking nightmare fuel. I didn't sleep. 9/10

Dagmer Cleftjaw:

All I saw was Finchy. A bloody good fighter. One of the cleverest men I know and certainly the cleverest man you know. Squeal piggy, squeal! Once threw a kettle over a pub. 8.5/10

Euron and Yara Greyjoy:

Both as pointless as each other. Couldn’t get less of either lived or died. Actually that’s a lie. Stuck a 10 sheet on Yara dying first at 6s. 1/10 (both)

Mance Rayder:

How did I forget this King?! Refused to kneel. United a 1000 clans. Put respect on his name. His scene with Jon after the battle for Castle Black is the best in #GOT history IMO. Sorely missed. 9.5/10

Mord:

This dumb fuck. Just your typical bouncer really. Smh. 2/10

Robin Arryn:

This kid was wild 😂😂😂 The Night King will be shitting it at him charging down the undead. If he had half a brain he would just wait for this whole thing to blow over in the Eyrie. 1/10

Ser Barristan Selmy:

Didn’t deserve to die the way he did. A true OG. Would’ve backed him to waste every member of the Kings Guard when he was exiled. “Is it we already Ser Barristan?” 💉 7.5/10

Irri:

You are irrelevant. It is known. It is known. 1/10

Lyanna Mormont:

Losing points every time she opens her trap. Stay in your lane. 4/10

Smalljon Umber:

Who owns the north?! Who owns the north?! Show me! Gutted he lost. 8/10

Mace Tyrell:

Mace the Ace. Legendary wet wipe. “Madness has had its day” is still one of the best TV speeches in history. Hero. 7/10

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