Thread by @kansaratva

"Take it," said an EVM officer to Sam, "and go."

So Sam, with a smirk enclosed within his black-dyed French beard, took an EVM home.

He unwrapped it, unboxed it, and connected it to power supply to uncover its secrets.

"How does it feel to disrobe a machine?" said a voice.

Sam was stunned and stepped away from the EVM with a jerk.

Did he really hear the machine speak, or was it his own fertile imagination?

He moved towards the EVM and then gingerly pressed a button.

The EVM moaned, as if excited, and said, "How does it feel to press a machine?"

There was no question about it now in Sam's mind. The EVM was speaking to him.

He took a deep breath and looked up at the portrait of Nehru hanging on the wall to gather some courage.

"What's your name?" he asked, as if the EVM was a kid.

"E V Meena, Uncle," said E V Meena.

Sam sputtered incoherently.

"Uncle?" he yelled, feeling insulted as if E V Meena was a real woman, and a svelte one at that. "Don't call me uncle!"

"What shall I call you then, Uncle?"

"Sam. Call me Sam."

"Uncle Sam," said E V Meena, "Why did you bring me to your home?"

Now that he subconsciously considered E V Meena a woman, he couldn't say "I wanted to poke your internals" or "I wanted to know how you are wired".

Sam found the only reasonable response. "Well, uh...let's get to know each other, uh...Meena."

"Call me E V Meena, Uncle Sam."

After a pause when he realized that he can't make her call him Sam, or better, Sammie, he said, "Meena? It's a Hindu name."

"And Sam, Uncle Sam? What kind of a name is that?"

Sam decided to change the subject.

"So Meena," he said, "do you like some music?"

E V Meena moaned.

Sam pressed the Play button on his tape recorder.

In what can only be considered as cosmic coincidence, the tape played "De De Pyaar De" from Sharabi.

Amitabh started the song, "Meena, arre Meena, aa gaya tera deewana!"

Sam went pink.

"Naughty, Uncle Sam," cooed E V Meena.

Sam quickly pressed the Stop and the Eject buttons together and the cassette holder slowly yawned out.

"Does Rahul love songs, Uncle Sam?" asked E V Meena.

A relieved Sam nodded, and then realized that E V Meena cannot see him, and then said, "Of course! He's human like us."

"Well, I am not human," said E V Meena flirtatiously.

"I'm sorry," mumbled Sam, embarrassed, and said, "I didn't mean it that way."

"Do you know which song comes to my memory whenever I hear Rahul speak?"

"Which one?" asked Sam eagerly.

"Tohfa tohfa tohfa...lier lier lier..."

"It's a nice song," agreed Sam.

"You agree?" she asked.

"Of course," said Sam. "Tohfa... Gifts. For the poor."

"And lier?"

"Yes. Laaya. Bringer of Gifts."

"I know Hindi, Uncle Sam," quipped E V Meena. "I meant lier. L. I. E. R."

She then started singing the song excitedly.

"Stop it," shouted Sam.

E V Meena stopped.

Sam had half a mind to ask her if she liked Single Malt.

"I don't," she replied.

Sam was flabbergasted. How did E V Meena read his mind?

"It's not that difficult," said E V Meena, reading his mind, or whatever he had instead.

Sam had had enough for an evening.

"It's time to pack her...pack it," he thought, trying not to think of the machine as a woman.

The moment he held the machine to lift it, E V Meena crooned, "His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy..."

With an effort he unplugged her.

Sam could not sleep that night. Who was E V Meena? Her voice was sultry, her laughter was magnetic too. Was E V Meena just a piece of code or was she a real person somewhere?

The next day he silently returned the EVM.

CHANAKYA had the last laugh. //

Oh shoot! That's liar, not lier. 🤦🏻‍♂️