Eeny sat on the sofa sipping her Sancerre.

"I have decided to go for higher studies," she quipped to Meeny and Moh, who were sipping, respectively, Sula and Sprite. "Humanities."

"Got the visa?" asked Moh.

"Visa?" said Eeny, confused. "I don't need a visa for IIT ******." The flute of Hariprasad Chaurasia was unhurried, gentle, like a saffron sunrise on a winter morning.

"IIT ******?" asked Meeny, looking at Moh to see if she knew better.

Moh just shrugged her shoulders. She longed for a tea.

"Didn't you always want to go abroad?" asked Meeny.

The world was steeped in clashes,
While trade looked grim and sad!
And rose, as if from ashes,
Mr. Trump, aren't we glad? 1/

Tariffs, he made them higher,
Tariffs, he made them fair;
Tariffs, he did not tire,
Tariffs, he didn't care! 2/ A weapon, said the POTUS,
These tariffs are to me!
Make 'murica the Greatest,
Bring back its old glory! 3/

And then out of the blue skies,
Modi, unseen, went rogue!
His defense: very precise;
His attack: masterstroke! 4/

People involved in this movie from the most mature film industry in the known and the unknown Universe: Gokulam Gopalan, Murali Gopi, Suresh Balake, Deepak Dev, Prithviraj Sukumaran, and of course, Mohanlal.

Please, hoist them up some more on imaginary pedestals.

https://twitter.com/OpIndia_com/status/1905968834684559697

The more you rely on celebs, especially from tinsel town, to take up causes which only you have in your mind but do not exist for them, the more you will be disappointed.

Here, we are talking about a movie clique which thinks beef is as mandatory as a story. Who is the idiot?

The Commissioner of Police invited Shashi Tharoor to a comfortable room for interrogation. Some of his officials were also present.

"Good morning, Sir," he started.

"The effulgent yet pristine solar radiation does prognosticate a benevolent ante meridiem," coruscated Tharoor. The people in the room were taken aback. They had particularly looked forward to interrogating a political celebrity like Tharoor, but this came out of the blue.

Tharoor looked at them, flicked his silken hair with a jerk, and smirked to show them that he was in full control.

The story takes us back to 10000 years as history goes, or maybe more. Who knows?

A traveler, after arriving at the location barred by barriers, would see an arch at the entrance.

A hidden loudspeaker would then announce: "Welcome to the Land of the World's Oldest Language". The real story, however, is older, when the people of the land found out that they can speak.

They saw the Sun rising behind the hills. "Sun," shouted one, pointing at it, and that became its word in their tongue.

"Gabbu," shouted another for stink from the piled up garbage.

White Beard and Black Beard were seated in large, plush chairs in a dimly lit hall, their faces plastered with a smile as fake as a bride's when greeted by relatives from the other side, their eyes vacant and tired like a reserved passenger's whose seat is taken over by others. "We have got sondesh for you both," said someone whose name they had forgotten.

White Beard waited for a message, and instead, all he got was a box of just desserts.

"Why is it so red?" asked Black Beard after opening it.

There was only a strained silence from the other side.

"Take it," said the officer to Sam Pitroda with a wink, "and go."

So Sam, with a smirk enclosed within his black-dyed French beard, took the EVM home.

He unwrapped it, unboxed it, and connected it to the power supply.

"How does it feel to disrobe a machine?" said a voice. Sam was stunned and jerked away from the EVM.

Did he really hear the machine speak, or was it his own fertile imagination?

Confused, he moved towards the EVM and then gingerly pressed a button.

The EVM moaned, as if aroused, and teased him, "How gently you press my buttons."

It was early in the morning and there was a knock on the door.

Vikas was too tired to even think about who it could be. He opened the door.

Outside was a bearded man, his eyes lined with kohl and anger. Behind him were two hefty men carrying what appeared to be heavy sticks. "Vikas?" asked the man. Vikas nodded and noticed the name on his green-and-green uniform. Abdul Malik.

"You have not given away sufficient wealth and assets, Vikas," questioned Abdul.

"I've already done what is needed," said Vikas feebly. "All my TDS and WDS are done.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Eeny shouted at Moh as Meeny looked on confused.

"Just remove your Choos, Eeny," urged Moh, who had invited them.

"Where the hell are we?" yelled Eeny, sitting on a bench and looking around at the trees, the lushness of which was lost on her. The trio, which had reduced from a quartet ever since Mynie had gone missing after she had married Parvez who called himself Paresh, was seated in what looked like an āṣhram canteen.

"We're in a good place," teased Moh. "Remove them."

"Those are not Choos," said Eeny. "Gucci."

I don't understand the fetish for restaurants to play background music all the time. A quiet dinner is almost impossible anywhere. Mostly, it is some soft instrumental played so loudly that you feel like gulping down the hot soup would actually be a relief. Yesterday, I was in an Italian restaurant. The background music was RD Burman. I told the staff to reduce the volume as I couldn't hear the conversation of my neighbour who was negotiating a December deal. "It's already low, Sir," he said. "Try our new garlic bread with paneer."

"Guard Me, O Nandī, guard Me well!"
Said Pārvatī and stepped inside;
"Leave that to Me, I surely shall
Let no one in," Nandī replied. 1/ The Divine Bull stood like a rock,
Until the Lord Himself arrived;
In jest said Śiv, "Will You now block,
O Nandī, or shall step aside?" 2/

Black Beard and White Beard were seated in thought.

The Jinn, as was his usual way, materialized silently and stood facing them. On seeing him, the two stood up, startled.

"You have replaced Chanakya and Savarkar with Ambedkar and the Buddha?" said the Jinn looking at the wall.

https://twitter.com/kansaratva/status/951854008930516992

The two looked at each other. Unspoken words hovered like promises during elections.

"Where's Tina?" asked the Jinn.

A moment later a young girl, tired and weak, appeared in the room. She looked at Black Beard and White Beard.

"Is she blaming or begging you?" asked the Jinn.

Nārad, as was his wont, traversed across the parallel worlds chanting, "Nārāyaṇa! Nārāyaṇa!"

A stirring of foliage far below in the young mountains caught his eye and he flew down. It had been ages.

He approached the old figure, bowed low, and said, "Salutations, O Āñjanēyə!" Śrī Hanumān stood up, tall like the mountains behind, old and yet nimble, His muscles rippling as He took the gadā, swung it around, and placed it on the ground with a thud.

"It's just me, O Hanumat," said Nārad.

"Salutations, munī Nārad," said Hanumān. "What brings you here?"

If you are interested here are some basics of genetics as explained by a mechanical engineer.

Y determines the male sex characteristics, is passed from father to son, is short, has a lot of junk DNA, and over millions of generation has degenerated.

Chr 1 is the biggest.

https://twitter.com/kansaratva/status/1649385292003164162

All chromosomes undergo recombination which leads to genetic diversity (spectrum of expressions). Y, however, does not except at a few regions.

https://twitter.com/kansaratva/status/1649385386505043968?s=20

"You are a sex-obsessed patrilineal piece of junk, a short stub of conservative degenerating debris, and we shall kick you out of the group soon!"

The Y chromosome was unfazed over the biggest bully, chromosome 1, towering over him and quivering like reality in a quantum world. "You," said Y coolly, "are the biggest cause of genetic diseases."

"If not for you," continued 1, "we would all be a spectrum of expressions, mingling happily in a peaceful paradise with no gender, no patriarchy, and..."

"...no sex," said Y. "We all live in our own fantasies."

The quarterly jungle meeting was about to start. A pride of lions was on one side, the prime lion at the forefront, and scattered throughout were a herd of deer, a pack of wolves, a cackle of hyenas, a troop of monkeys chattering loudly, and others.

"Silence!" screamed an owl. Perched on a tall bush at the center of the jungle parliament and surrounded by a parliament of other owls the speaker assumed a more serious mien.

The owl then turned its neck gradually a full circle to view those that were present.

"Let the meeting commence," it screeched.

"The war is about to start, O king," said Sanjay, his eyes glazed as if he was trying to peer through the opaque veil of earthly illusions into some distant reality.

In that vision he saw the endless armies arrayed in Kurukśētra, Pāṇḍavs on one side and Kauravs on the other. He heard the blind king speak with a feeble voice that seemed to come from unfathomed depths.

Anxious and distraught, the old king asked him what was going on between his sons and the Pāṇḍavs.

Sanjay, his eyes glazed even more, took on the role of the narrator.

~*~*~*~*~

The Pāṇḍavs, Śrī Kṛṣṇa, and others stood around Bhīśma as he lay on a bed of arrows.

The battlefield of Kurukśetra looked as if a storm had ripped apart a grove of kiṃśuka trees, strewing their branches and flowers on the ground.

Yudhiṣṭhir, dispirited, thought of Aśōk. "What would Aśōk do?" he asked himself, the way Jesus had asked a century later.

Bhīśma looked at Yudhiṣṭhir and thought, "Today, again, his face looks like NDTV journalists' when elections don't go their way."

Aloud, he asked, "Pray, tell me, O King, what is eating you?"

The British gave us railways
So we can travel fast!
They used to tell us always,
Why don't you give up caste?

The British gave us roadways
So bullocks can take rest;
If we today have highways,
Let's thank the British quest! 1/ The British gave us letters,
And post offices old;
They broke the social fetters,
Of lovers far and bold!

The British gave us spices
Our dishes were so bland;
Cumin and cloves enticed us
To far and fairy lands! 2/

Ported out of @airtelindia.

Airtel still owes me 1298₹ plus GST.

https://twitter.com/kansaratva/status/1601826352218243072

Funnily, the only guy who actually apologized for the goof-up was the one from the porting team. His KPI is to prevent porting.

The lady from their escalation team, after listening to my rant impatiently, complained to me that I am talking continuously and not listening to her.

"Heisenberg was one of the pioneers of quantum mechanics. He postulated..."

"He?"

"What?"

"Did you just assume Heisenberg's gender?"

"Let's focus on the uncertainty principle on position and momentum..."

"Momentum? Toxic masculinity again."

"..."

"Mopersonstum is better."

https://twitter.com/ArunKrishnan_/status/1584206747354681347

"Let's ditch that. You love animals , right."

"I am vegan."

"Not that I asked, but you will like Schrodinger's cat."

"Who is Schrodinger?"

"The cat is both alive and dead..."

"So, Schrodinger killed the cat?"

"Consider the quantum..."

"He...what is his preferred pronoun?"