Thread by @BrainClouds

OK, so the third one has come up in conversation more than once, so maybe it's time I talk about it... This might be a long thread.

Like six or seven years ago, I don't remember exactly how I got in contact with a guy but he wanted to create a big social networking site where, in his own words at the time, "lots of people could get together."

At the time I was sort of in between jobs, or at least not happy with the job I had, so I figured I had nothing to lose. So I went to go see him at his home, where he had a pretty elaborate home office.

Now I don't remember the exact exchange, but it basically went something like this:

Him: "Do you have a problem with 'morally questionable' websites?"
Me: "I'm not sure I..."
Him: "We'll pay you $2500 a week."
Me: "... where do I sign?"

The task was to create a social networking site where people get together, but leaning towards sex and hookups. Profiles, chat rooms, video feeds, the works. It was a big freakin' project.

While I was at it, I also was tasked with creating the website and providing streaming services to his wife at the time, who was a... how should we put it... a performer.

There was no timeline, there was no business plan, nothing. The site was created on the fly, based on whatever whim he needed on any given day. That went on for about two years... and I was making $2500 a week.

Cash.

All this while I was working out of the guy's home office, while he was there. Five days a week, and I had to leave by 6pm on certain days because, by 7pm, filming was to begin.

Remember when I said the wife was a "performer"? Well they recorded all the videos on her site in the same house, in the master bedroom. All with hand-held cameras by another guy that worked there, along with his wife, which I'm hoping they got paid more than I did...

...because... Well, let's say filming "started" at 7pm. In order for her to get ready to be filmed, the performer was pretty much hammered by 6pm. And by 6:30pm, guys started showing up.

Yes, guys... PLURAL.

And... How should I put this... some of these guys were scary. The performer was a barbie doll blonde, but by 6:30pm what looked like the Oakland Raiders defensive line was hanging out in the living room waiting until 7.

Some things you can't unsee... So, yeah, I was gone by 6.

Now, as far as the whole "mob" thing...

I was working on this website for over two years. I also worked on her website for about as long, and I know for a fact she didn't have a lot of paying customers (she was doing it for the fun, not for the money).

Now do the math... I was getting paid $2500 a week, cash, for two years, for a website that had ZERO customers and wasn't even launched. And I wasn't the only employee; there were the two camerapeople, one designer, and of course my boss.

And then there were the times when things were just weird.

For example, I got paid every Friday. One day, they said "Hey, David, we don't have a problem paying you this week... but we can only pay you in fives."

"...OK", and I went home with a literal SHOEBOX of cash.

I didn't ask where the money came from, and to be quite honest I didn't really want to know.

One day, they said "we're out of money" and that was that. I left, got a decent job the next day. The site never launched and never made one cent.

I'm pretty sure my wife and son don't know what the job was to this day. Most of our conversations went as follows:

Her: "So what is it you do all day?"
Me: *hands over a crapload of cash!*

And that was pretty much the end of the discussion.

I won't say the full name of the website, but the initials were "AMC". The "A" stood for "Adult", obviously.

Her: "What's the name of where you work?"
Me: "Uh... AMC."
Her: "Like the theaters?"
Me: "... Sure... Let's go with that."

Turns out my employer was, at least in the past, very well connected. I even got one of those "here, let me show you the FBI surveillance video they took of me" chats once.

And, to be totally honest, I'm paying for that job to this day. IRS pretty much owns my ass right now because of all that raw income, and I've been paying them more than I care to mention for the last several years.

So that's all I really got to say about that. If anyone has further questions, I'll do my best to answer them.

Oh, one other thing regarding this... Usually, this sort of thing is not something you brag about on your resume, at least not literally.

For a long time, there was a void of two years on my professional resume in which it seemed like I did nothing at all.

"Contract work," I'd say.

That didn't always go over well... People wanted to know where I disappeared to, and I didn't want to lie about it. And, if I ever got to an in person interview, I didn't lie about it; I'm as honest as I am now about it.

So, since then, I have technically put it on my resume: I was the "lead architect and developer for a high traffic adult social networking portal."

Employer: "Adult social networking portal?"
Me: "Yes. Client/server, multi-user architecture, load balanced, database administration, credit card payment processing and merchant account integration..."
Employer: "... It was a porn site, right?"
Me: "..." *sigh...*

And I have several stories that I can't repeat on Twitter.

So, if you ever meet me and buy me a drink, make sure I spill it out. ;)

And if you enjoyed this story, I'd love to gather enough fives to fill another shoebox... Your support is appreciated! ko-fi.com/brainclouds