Thread by @visakanv

The most powerful IRL interview/conversation/flirting skill isn’t asking good questions nearly as much as asking good followup questions - it’s being sensitive to interesting micro-reactions. When you ask a question and they respond “😂... no”, and you go “Why 😂?” Etc

This is the script of no script, the formula of no formula, you just pay really close attention to the other person in a curious, non-judgmental way without the burden of expectations, and look for anything surprising or interesting - and ask about that in a supportive way

If you do this well, over the course of a conversation you’ll end up asking questions that make them go “huh, nobody’s asked me that before” and “I’ve never really thought of that”, and that often ends up being quite a bonding experience

Little things like “you hesitated for a moment there, why?” can unearth things you wont believe

But you have to do it in a very kind, nurturing and gentle way, or people will get defensive.

You want to be so curious abt people that you make them freshly curious abt themselves

My ex-boss gave me this gift. He was more curious about me than I was about myself. He genuinely wanted to understand my motivations & backstory to a degree that I had stopped caring about, because I didn’t think I merited that much concern. a lot of what I do now is pass that on

Everybody needs this, but imo nobody needs it more than kids. Kids are so used to being pushed around, told what to do, being treated as incomplete humans on probation. Give kids your sincere, attentive curiosity and you will change their lives 5eva

Also kids are fascinating!!!

Kids are fascinating particularly because they haven’t been fully socialized yet. They each still have some weirdness and oddness in them unique to themselves. It’s quite inspiring and humbling to witness if you can

Thinking more, I realize this is abt paying attention to people’s physiological responses & being supportively curious about that. Why did you cringe, why did you flinch? Why did you frown, shudder, laugh, scoff? The body keeps the score. IRL still trumps URL here

Cc @TheAnnaGat

All of that said, if you need a starting question to surface and unearth responses to ask further about, “what is your relationship with X” is my favourite. What is your relationship with fitness? With food? With the internet? Then observe closely

What is the history of your relationship with music? With travel? With leadership? With taking responsibility? Strength? Vulnerability? Fashion? Self-expression? Optimism? Being a public figure? Privacy? Intimacy? Ugh, I am so curious about everything and everyone!! 😂😅🤓❤️

"The best advice is not to tell people what to do, but to ask them the right questions. Find out what's going on in their head, and help them frame that in a way that's useful." –
@gtdguy

proud of this one

pay attention

yup. this effect is greatly heightened by the fact that oftentimes people dont even notice what they themselves are saying