Thread by @erinscafe

I am pleased to announce that in honor of the release of Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw on August 2, I will spend today watching the Fast and Furious Cinematic Universe (FFCU) in its entirety.

The run time is 21.5 hours.

Mute me, unfollow me, block me, watch with me you cowards.

But I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters. Not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those 21.5 hours or less, I’m free.

Up first: The Fast and the Furious (2001).

Ride or die, you guys.

Btw, the first few films at least are streaming on Netflix.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wanted to recreate this scene in the Dodger Stadium parking lot.

Nothing like hearing someone casually drop a homophobic slur to remind you that 2001 America wasn’t that great either.

“It’s not how you stand by your car, it’s how you race your car. You better learn that.”

This script lmao.

AND WE HAVE OUR FIRST ILLEGAL STREET RACE.

“I’ve got a 187 in Glendale, cops are all over it. We’re good to roll.”

This always drives me crazy. They’re clearly racing in Koreatown and DTLA, which are LAPD. A murder in Glendale is gonna be covered by Glendale PD. All of these people should have been arrested.

“Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning’s winning.”

And then the mispronunciation of Lompoc by Dom, who supposedly spent two years there.

Sigh.

“It’s a long story.”

“Well we’ve got a 20-mile hike.”

Brian is very bad at math if he thinks Little Saigon to Echo Park is only a 20-mile hike.

Most of the scantily clad ladies in these street racing scenes got booked at non-union rates (I believe it was $64/8 hours at the time; I think it’s all the way up to...$80 now.)

Hopefully they at least got an atmosphere bump and a couple of wardrobe changes on their checks.

Brian listening to Dom’s quarter mile speech is 18-year-old me realizing I might fucking love this movie.

oh my god

Brian really is a terrible undercover cop, how did they not know.

RIP Jesse

one down

Next up: Better Luck Tomorrow (2002)

In which we first meet the character of Han Hu, portrayed by Sung Kang.

This is Han’s origin story, and it is canon.

If you have Showtime, I believe you can stream it for free.

I always forget this was MTV’s first film buy.

Fun story, this movie exists because of MC Hammer. Lin met him once in Vegas, and he said “give me a call if you ever need anything.”

When Lin ran out of money, he called.

The film premiered at Sundance.

wired.com/2007/03/qa-wit…

HELLO HAN

I’m doing laundry so there will be fewer tweets for a bit, but I need to say that they’re all babies in this film my god.

Also the line “Rumors about us came fast and furious” always makes me so happy.

Next up: The Turbo Charged Prelude for 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

This 6-minute short tells us how Brian got from Los Angeles at the end of The Fast and Furious to Miami for 2 Fast 2 Furious.

You can find it on YouTube.

I think if you’re willing to show up for a sequel that only involves one original cast member and changes the genre from street racing to buddy cop, you probably don’t really care how he got across the country.

But that’s just me.

Up next: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

The greatest name for a sequel in the history of film.

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel is a close second.

You can find 2 Fast 2 Furious on Netflix.

Next up: I’m gonna change up my own order and go with Annapolis (2006).

If you have HBO, you can stream it for free.

This is canon af, don’t at me.

Up next: Los Bandoleros (2009)

This short film was co-produced, co-written, and directed by Vin Diesel. It features Dom, Han, and Letty.

Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster appear only on the poster, don’t ask, idk.

Up next: Fast & Furious (2009)

THE GANG’S BACK TOGETHER

Directed by Justin Lin, this installment really propels the franchise in a new high-energy heist film direction.

This is where it gets really really good.

The least believable part of this film is open floor plan at the FBI tbqh.

STILL A BUSTER

ARE YOU READY FOR FAST FIVE (2011)

THIS FULL ON HEIST FILM IS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE AND THE CROWN JEWEL OF THE FRANCHISE

BOOSTING CARS FROM A SPEEDING TRAIN

THIS FILM IS VERY GOOD

THIS IS ALL I EVER WANT FROM A MOVIE TBQH

HELLO THE ROCK, AKA FRANCHISE VIAGRA

THIS GUY

“We’re gonna do one last job.”

SPOILER ALERT DOM, FAST FIVE IS ONLY THE HALFWAY POINT

Do you think Dom shaves his head every morning even when he’s on the lam.

“We’re gonna need a team.”

HELL YES WE ARE

“We ain’t stealing it.”

Lighting a stack of someone else’s money on fire is a solid power move.

this scene shouldn’t be nearly as good as it always is

THIS FILM IS A GODDAMNED GIFT

I’VE BEEN WATCHING THESE FILMS FOR 13 HOURS AND I FEEL INVINCIBLE

Up next: Fast & Furious 6

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

This is so hot.

It must be hard to be The Rock and never be able to find t-shirts that fit.

me irl on twitter during presidential debates

this is what true love looks like

10/10 FIGHT SCENES, JUST EXCELLENT WORK ALL AROUND

If you don’t love the 13-minute 28.829-mile runway scene, we can’t be friends. vulture.com/2013/05/how-lo…

I absolutely adore Ludacris reacting to The Rock’s improvisations.

Up next: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

Originally pitched as a story for Vin Diesel’s character, the writer was told to keep the general concept but set it in high school.

Although it was panned by critics, Tokyo Drift has become the linchpin of the franchise.

what I’ve learned from fast and furious is that all over the world people are having street racing dance parties in parking structures and somehow I’ve never been invited

Shout out to Han for having the best fake ID ever.

This shot is absolutely gorgeous.

okay so yesterday I went 2 fast and 2 furious and I fell asleep after Tokyo Drift

Up next: the post-credits scene from Fast & Furious 6

the absolute biggest reveal in the franchise

I’m not saying I stood up in a movie theatre and yelled OH MY HELL YES

but I may have

Up next: Furious 7

This was Paul Walker’s final performance as he died two months into filming. His brothers served as stand-ins to film his last few scenes.

If you’ve never sobbed through the end of an action film, brace yourself.

This film has an absolute killer opening credits sequence that officially introduces Jason Statham to the franchise.

“You sure as hell ain't the IT guy. You just earned yourself a dance w/ the devil, boy."

HOBBS AND SHAW TOGETHER AT LAST.

only The Rock can say sumbitch without a southern accent and still make it sound completely natural

Lucas Black’s scene in Furious 7 takes place a few minutes after the end of Tokyo Drift, filmed...nine years earlier.

Vin Diesel looks exactly the same.

Lucas Black...just don’t look too close, it’s fine.

WELCOME TO THE FRANCHISE, KURT RUSSELL.

CARS DON’T FLY AMIRITE

And yes, they actually dropped cars out of a C-130 transport plane.

“So, you know, there was a rehearsal period of about two weeks where all we did was just drop cars out of C-130s with parachutes so we could figure out how we're going to do this.” npr.org/2015/04/05/397…

this scene

“We’re going to the Middle East.”

I have never cheered so loudly in a theater as I did when The Rock uttered the immortal line “Daddy’s gotta go to work.”

“You thought this was gonna be a street fight?

* fires shotgun in the air, throws it in the car, pulls out wrench and pipe*

You're goddamn right it is.”

“You aren’t going to say goodbye?”

“It’s never goodbye.”

gah, all the feelings, every time

“No matter where you are, whether it's a quarter mile away or half way across the world, you'll always be with me.”

RIP Paul Walker (September 12, 1973 – November 30, 2013)

After the earthquake that devastated Haiti, Paul funded and deployed a team of first responders to assist with disaster relief. His organization, Reach Out Worldwide, grew out of that initial mission.

Now headed by Paul’s brother Cody, Reach Out Worldwide sends small, highly trained groups of first responders into remote areas that are often the last to see disaster relief. They provide medical care, food, and water filtration. You can donate here: donate.roww.org/give/170164/#!…

Okay, this is it, kids.

Up next: The Fate of the Furious (2017)

aka the one with the Oscar-winning actresses

The best part of this franchise is that every movie has to outdo the one before, so obvs you have to start with Dom driving a car that is literally on fire.