Thread by @iamharaldur

Ok, some thoughts about feedback.

First, let’s start with the basics:
1. There’s a thing you think could be better
2. You tell someone about it.

Both of those are great in theory. No argument there, we should all do those things.

But the details is where we fuck up

/Thread

The why, how, where, when and who you deliver the feedback to is where most of us tend to fail.

Let’s start with why:
This is by far the most important part. If nothing else, make sure your why is correct because then the other things will become easy.

So, start by asking yourself, why am I giving the feedback? Is it because you genuinely want to have a positive impact and you honestly believe that your feedback will do that? If so, then yes, you are ready to move on.

But, and really think about this, is it maybe because you want to put someone else down to make yourself feel better? Or is it because you are frustrated for some other reason and you want to take it out on someone?

Both very normal and human emotions. But not really a good why.

If these, or other negative reasons, are your why (and again, you need to be super honest with yourself on this) then you should stop right there and put the feedback idea on hold.

Maybe revisit it once you’ve sorted out your other issues.

But if your why is good then next let’s look at who you deliver the feedback to:
Is the person you are talking to the right person to give the feedback to?

example: If you there are structural issues at your company, are you complaining to your peers or to the people you manage, and if so are they in a position to fix it?

Most likely you should take the issue to your manager. Complaining up is usually the right direction.

Always aim the feedback towards the person that can act on it and do something about it.

Ok, now, your why is good and you've found the right who, next up, how and when:
How you give feedback will have a huge impact on the likelihood of it being received well and from for it to create positive changes.

Remember, we're only giving the feedback to make a positive impact so we want to optimize this for effectiveness.

Most people will automatically get defensive when they get feedback. It's just how we are wired. And if we're in defense mode it's very hard to get to us.

So do what you can to signal that you are doing this for the right reason.

For example, ask the person if they are in a good place to receive feedback.

For example, you can ask the person if they are in a good place to receive feedback.

This does two things, number one prepares the person, it tells them you are likely wanting to help and by opting in they are participating in this from the start.

Second, if they are not in a good place it gives them a way out. Maybe they are in a bad mood, maybe they are preoccupied, whatever the reason, they are at that moment not ready for feedback and giving it to them won't lead to the successful results you want.

Use non-combative language. Ask questions, be on their team, try to work through the issue with them.

Lastly, where should you give the feedback:
Like most things it depends. If it's a medium or large issue then in person is always best. It’s the way we’ve worked through things since we lived in caves so that's what we're best at.

ome sort of text communication is most likely the worst because it leaves out all the subtle cues we give and interpret in person.

Giving feedback on Twitter for example is almost definitely not going to be successful.

Ok, those are some of my thoughts. It's worth noting that I constantly don't follow the things that I'm listing here.

I often give feedback for the wrong reasons, to the wrong person, in the wrong way and at the wrong time.

But when I follow these guidelines it always leads to better results.

And that should always be our main goal.