Thread by @Lolo_cy

I cannot overemphasize how much foreplay guarantees better sex! It makes sure that all parties are at their peak of arousal at the time of Sexual intercourse.

Been looking to get to that peak?

Keep reading and I will explain how to get one to their peak of arousal by knowing what type of arousal ignites a desire within them.

With men we know foreplay leads to an erection as blood flows to their penis; interestingly with women, the clitoris acts as the female penis. During foreplay, blood flows into the clitoris and the vagina gets lubricated.

But in order for ALL that to happen – The person must be aroused and that means that they need to be stimulated!

The one issue I hear from women is that the men just want to penetrate sharp sharp and I have spoken to some men and they claim that it’s too much “process”- it gets boring and they are afraid of losing their erection. S

So what some say is they want foreplay but at least after the first round – then they know they have released and they can now build the momentum together.

But this is the catch-all that leads to performance anxiety which makes it harder for men to stay aroused. You are in your head overthinking! There’s nothing wrong in taking your time till you reach full erection!

Women take longer than men to reach the level of arousal needed for orgasm, so you want to pace yourself. Do not rush the process and short-change both yourselves out of a great sexual experience

Now I know people think foreplay is about touching but it goes above touch - touch here could be hugging, kissing, fondling, undressing each other etc

Let’s look at different types of arousal (Concepts gotten from Sex therapist Petra Zebraff).

You may find that you will be a complex mix of all the types but one or two are often the real driving force.

1. The Sensual Type (Body Oriented)
This kind of arousal relies on our senses (touch, taste and smell). You have people here who are aroused by fondling, stroking, kissing, massages, dry humping (Rub your clothed genitals against your partner’s leg -

knee, genitals, or anywhere else that feels good- this indirect stimulation on the clit can be a huge turn-on that can lead to orgasms), smelling a delicious scent (this is why perfumes are extra sexualized), eating a good meal etc

2. The Cognitive Type (Head Oriented)
This kind of arousal relies on imagination and thoughts to drive sexual feelings. So we have people whose desires are sparked by thinking or seeing certain sexual acts –

for example porn, nudes, fantasy play, sexting, erotic pictures or music- you ever listen to Rihanna “work” and you don’t know you become lol…the ideas you have in your head whilst the song is playing is arousing you.

3. The Intimacy Type
They get aroused when they feel they have connected with their partner. There are people that need time with you before they can be any sexual arousal; they need to feel like they know you, at least to be able to connect with you on a deeper level.

So foreplay here can be long chats, love letters, intimate convos before sex (that many times may not revolve around sex), long walks- basically, any activity that ensures they get more intel on who you are as a person.

If you are someone just recovering from an abuse encounter, this is a great way to get back your spark because this connection will make it easier for you to calm down so your other senses can accept other forms of foreplay. You can read about that here lolotalks.com/sexual-assault…

4. The Attractor Type
The people here LOVE to please! They are aroused when they feel they have aroused their partners! So when you find them sexy, tell them how they make you feel, moan to their touch -

let them command your touch and watch as you touch yourself etc, they get very aroused.. they just need to feel appreciated, desired and wanted!

What I find intriguing is that you can use your love language to understand what type of arousal ignites your fire.

So say your top love language is words of affirmation – very easy to see to how you need to connect (Intimacy type) before you are aroused and ready for any physical touch.

You can also play around with different types of foreplay because remember we are all a complex mix of all.. Now imagine you start with a morning text, then an “I’m thinking of you” message in the afternoon, you go out for dinner and have a good meal and -

a nice intimate chat about your day and how you feel about each other... but as you chat, you are holding hands or stroking thighs (nothing overly sexual, just a light touch), the body is getting ready..Desire is getting stirred up -

By the time you begin to kiss and undress- you are getting to the peak arousal..

Play around with things.. Sometimes it could simply be a change in the bulb colour, a clean bed sheet and delicious air fresher, a naughty message ..

There is no wrong way.. Simply communicate with each other and play around with your senses.

A good way to start this discussion with your partner is to ask them what their most sexual sense is among the 5 senses (touch, hear, smell, see and taste)

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