Thread by @SusannahFox

I’m reflecting on a challenging week as a caregiver for an elder who lives 3 hours away from me. Thanks to luck and preparation, he is OK. [THREAD]

I want to share resources for anyone who has family members living alone -- young, old, and in-between. If we had not done the work to prepare for a crisis, my loved one may not have survived this week.

First: Everyone should make an @atlasofcare Care Map. It will help you visualize the people, love, and services that surround a person. And it will expose holes that need to be filled. atlasofcaregiving.com/caremap/

Second: Introduce yourself to anyone essential and make sure they have your contact info.

The next-door neighbor noticed an unusual lack of activity at our loved one’s house and called my mom, who lives nearby. The neighbor was empowered AND she had my mom’s number.

Third: When I agreed to be the primary caregiver for my loved one I immediately asked to have an open, frank conversation about our expectations. This means that he and I knew what we were getting into, what resources we each could bring, what our goals are. We are a team.

(I should note that on paper my loved one is a distant cousin but in life he's like an uncle to me. It was a bit of a level-jump to become his official "person" so I needed to close the gap fast.)

Fourth: The topic for our first formal caregiving meeting focused on end of life decisions. It was an intimacy hack to go through the @EngageWithGrace 5 Questions. I know what to fight for now. [ALT text included]

Fifth: My loved one's @atlasofcare Care Map revealed big holes and we worked, slowly, toward filling them. Top priority: a home health aide service to drive him to medical appointments and send me reports.

Having a relationship with an excellent home health aide company was KEY when a crisis hit because we could transition seamlessly to a higher level of care for him.

Even if your loved ones do not need (or are not ready to accept) help from a home health aide, please consider doing the research NOW to find a reputable provider. Sneak them in through a side door, if that makes sense, as I did by setting up the medical appointment aide.

We are not out of the woods yet, but I’m taking today to be thankful and to enjoy my garden.

[ALT text included]

Thank you @rajivzume for your visionary & USEFUL @atlasofcare Care Map. vimeo.com/256815232

Thank you @adrane for your vulnerable & courageous work on both @EngageWithGrace and @ArchangelsMe

I feel seen as a caregiver thanks to you. #LookLoveLift

Thank you to my mom @BFFox, a master caregiver, from whom I am learning the craft.