Thread by @QuinnyPig

Multi-Cloud is dumb. For more, I'm giving a keynote in 45 minutes.

It's even free, because "charge more" is apparently almost as controversial as "multi-cloud is complete garbage."

Come fight me. comcastlabsconnect.com/cloud-2020-tic…

This is how you look right now in the comments.

The talk will be starting in 15 minutes. If you’re not in the livestream at 8am PDT, we’ll try again but the next available slot is any time between 9 and 4 on the third Tuesday of next month.

Buy Comcast.

This has become my livetweeting-my-own-talk thread.

Let's do this.

We're being emceed by Stephanie Higgins, from Comcast's Cloud Center of Excellence.

Meanwhile I'm stuck in the Data Center of Mediocrity.

She's slandering Billie the Platypus as "imaginary." THAT IS A SLUR

And we start with my @jeffbarr birthday video because after that kind of effort I'm shoving that thing everywhere I can.

The @awscloud promotion-to-VP process was documented here for the first time.

Probably NDA-violating picture of @ajassy and a Gartner analyst.

Now the real talk. "Everyone uses a different term to describe "multi-cloud" to mean "the thing I want you to do."

"Note that I said 'data-center', not 'private cloud' because those things don't exist. We tried that with OpenStack, and we saw how that worked out. Now it's best described as 'cutting large checks to VMware, the payday lender of technical debt.'"

"I'm a confident-sounding white guy, so my failure mode is a board seat and a book deal."

Sure is a shame that I gave a talk in a black t-shirt. I have it on good authority that it's unprofessional and I look like a floating head.

This is a subtweet.

Shout out to 2020 for providing me with slide material for years.

"Palantir filed their S-1 showing that they were committed to provider A for $1.49 billion and provider B for $50 million. That's the reality of multi-cloud."

And there's my diagram of actual production software architecture, which is the exact opposite of what a resume is.

Calling out Microsoft's "Intelligent Cloud" segment for not breaking out "Elastic Moron Cloud" too.

"I hate to keep making fun of @IBMcloud, but if you're going all-in on IBM Cloud in 2020, what the hell are you doing?"

That was a lie. I enjoy making fun of them and will as long as they continue gaslighting their customers about outages.

I said the quiet part out loud again, didn't I.

"You believe you're going to be using the best each provider has to offer. In practice you're improving your data center at the cost of your cloud environment."

"Take @awscloud. (Please!) Do you know what it costs to move 1TB of data? Of course you don't."

"Nobody ever got fired for buying @awscloud" in the same talk as I dunk on IBM means the circle is now complete.

"@OracleCloud isn't terrible today these days for some workloads." That's how opinions slowly shift. It's also true.

You know I'm right because I quote @ben11kehoe. Boom, robotted.

"GDPR is a concern, whereas if you're in the US-Hahahaha that was a joke."

"If Walmart, or Walmart's vendors are my target market, I would not build a company on top of @awscloud. That said, Walmart sure does employ a whole lot of people whose primary competence is AWS."

"If you want to go multi-cloud, meet me halfway. Go active/active across multiple regions of your existing cloud provider first, then talk to me about the benefits you see of going multi-cloud."

I think this visual metaphor speaks for itself. And now I go handle Q&A live!