Chief Cloud Economist at @DuckbillGroup. Father to @QuinnyPiglet & @theMunchQuinn. he/him Get my snarky take on AWS news: https://t.co/aGVMZnXCUV
35 added to My Authors
May 12 • 5 tweets • 3 min read
Across the street from a nexus of Amazon buildings in Seattle is a "gentleman's club" that you *know* Amazon's leadership has taken multiple stabs at getting to relocate to almost literally anywhere else.
It's called @ADevilsTriangle, and this thread is gonna upset some folks.
First off, if you're going to dunk on sex workers it's important to me that you go away. Sex work is work. Criminalization and stigma are responsible for the lion's share of issues people have with it.
May 11 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
The first I don't care about. Yes yes, I'm sure it's type safe / has cleverness in its design / does great things with concurrency. I trust that you've successfully reinvented the for loop.
May 11 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Well this is going to change approximately everything about my current Snarkdown renderer for @LastWeekinAWS.
"Security is Job Zero" proclaims the company whose Cloudformation doesn't support referencing SecureString ssm params, thus encouraging customers to do ill-advised insecure things with sensitive key material.
"jUsT cALl sSm fRoM tHe LambDa" as if I want to take the rate limit / latency hit on every invocation, even if cached outside the handler.
May 10 • 38 tweets • 13 min read
I've been in this industry for decades, I have a massive chip on my shoulder, and I lack the energy to care about anything anymore.
Oh, and I'm your next interview candidate. You will Remember® this interview. I will *NOT* be the most uncomfortable person here. Let's begin.
At the start of your career and wondering what the hell to do? Let my misadventures guide you! Hit me with your questions.
Ask me anything, I will do my best to help you make better choices than I did.
(Granted, most of the advice is going to be of the form "here's how I would handle it, so probably do the exact opposite.")
To start, the wording of this entire @awscloud blog post could not possibly be more disdainful of customers if it actively tried.
May 5 • 32 tweets • 11 min read
The last time I was at the @FourSeasons in Westlake Village, I was getting married. Somehow between then and now it’s been taken over by The Borg.
I'm here for @Seagate Datasphere: An Executive MultiCloud Summit.
Hold my tea!
May 5 • 4 tweets • 2 min read
Last night @hacks4pancakes talked about how their mother died of cancer. And a bot account replied trying to shill some medical nonsense.
I replied to the bot with… well, Disney, you say it!
This apparently violated the @TwitterSafety rule against “encouraging self-harm.” An appeal was denied.
And y’know? I’d take it, except that it’s very clear that “bots rights” rank above those of actual humans here.
Apr 29 • 5 tweets • 2 min read
So @awscloud’s CloudTrail Lake charges $2.50 per GB.
Sounds horrible, right? Wrong!
-It is a *screaming* good deal because it includes storing that data for up to 7 years at no additional cost; it’s all up front. That’s 2.9¢ a month.
“Well it frontloads the cost, and with time value of money—“
Dive Deep! Think about Behavioral Cloud Economics. The cost has already been paid, so nobody is going to push to shorten audit log retention in the name of cOsT sAVinGs.
Brilliant pricing model.
Apr 28 • 23 tweets • 6 min read
Ah, today's the day where my @awscloud friends learn how much they make.
No, it's not Performance Review day; it's Amazon Earnings day!
How the market feels about the Underpants Store somehow determines whether the people building databases get to eat well...
According to some aggregator, the analyst consensus is that @awscloud will have earned $18.27 billion expected in the quarter. We're gonna find out after the bell in a couple of minutes...
Apr 21 • 71 tweets • 26 min read
Hello, and welcome to Day 2 of the #AWSSummit in San Francisco. @SwamiSivasubram's keynote starts in a few minutes, and I'm trying something a bit different for today's livetweet thread....
I'm here today *strictly* as a customer. Through a careful strategy of "declining meeting invitations" and "outright ignoring people," I know absolutely nothing about what's in store for us today.
I'm not even allowed to sit in the press/analyst session!
Apr 20 • 8 tweets • 4 min read
Okay. Let’s do this.
Ooh. Coffee is now more complicated, but also delicious / free.
Apr 19 • 14 tweets • 5 min read
It's been a while since I gave @awscloud a livethread exploration.
For novelty based upon today's Amazon Linux issues, let's focus on Amazon Linux 2022, in the new EC2 Launch Wizard, in the Northern California region. Like the instance name, this is a 💩📬🧵.
There is something ever-so-slightly-screwy when a search for a full AMI ID returns over 5K results.
Apr 19 • 9 tweets • 4 min read
And now, a livetwoot thread about @ajassy's 2021 Amazon Shareholder Letter.
Suspiciously for a man of Andy's reputation, this letter contains only four question marks. 🧐
It's gotta be absolutely wild to see what Amazon sees during a global pandemic.
Remember, they're a company that's larger than many countries. "Unprecedented Times" doesn't really do it justice.
Apr 13 • 22 tweets • 5 min read
It's been a while since I've done one of these, so let me fire up my custom Twitter threading client and validate AWS Marketing's market for them.
I will now talk about how *I* believe in marketing cloud offerings effectively.
Start with the realization that your prospective market could not possibly give less of a shit about you. They care about their own painful problems!
If you talk about yourself, you'll get tuned out. Focus instead on demonstrating excellence in the problem space.
Apr 12 • 5 tweets • 3 min read
Since there seems to be some confusion: I have never for a single moment doubted that the @awscloud security folks are *ON THE BALL*. They're freaking amazing.
And then the company undercuts so much of that amazing work with poor messaging decisions. 😖
And, though it's been a busy week, I don't begrudge AWS any of these security issues. This stuff is *hard*! I want these things found and fixed; it's way better than them remaining buried forever.
Apr 12 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
I regret to inform you all that I spent the afternoon teaching myself @golang to solve an obnoxiously trivial problem and... somehow it worked!?
Feel free to proceed to tear me apart! I have no idea what I'm actually doing.
Against whom Ubiquiti has apparently just filed a lawsuit.
As a customer, this is the email that I got and didn't catch at the time. "Sooo, just FYI, there's been an attack against our systems with DB. Maybe consider changing your password?" Hugs and puppies, Ubiquiti.
Mar 24 • 7 tweets • 4 min read
I have some sympathy for the @Okta corporate comms team. After all, the @awscloud PR playbook isn't really an option for them.
But perhaps mine will be? A thread.
I paid @acvisneski (my crisis comms consultant) to prepare a handbook for what to do in the event of an actual crisis. Chapter 1 may be of some interest: "Don't stick your dick in a pie." Let's read it together, much like I read my children bedtime stories.