Thread by @pptsapper

Well, well, well, what have we here. A disheartened populace and a bottle of gin. Just like..

17fuckin81 and it's time for some goddam yorktown and hell, I dunno, maybe even some Daniel Morgan doing some crazy ass double envelopment shit along the way

It's THURSDAY, people

Ok, so - 1779 in NY and it's like the goddamned holland tunnel - gridlocked like a mothafucka. Henry Clinton can't get out, G. Washington can't get in. You got Lord Germain in London all anxious for someone to do something

So the Brits run off and take savannah GA

Now, this might seem ass backwards, but the Brits have this idea that MAYBE there's all these magical loyalists in the south who r gonna materialize put of thin air once the Redcoats march in so they go ALL IN on the dirty south

Poor Cas Pulaski gonna die outside Savannah

For the uneducated, Casimir "I might actually be a lady, fuck your toxic masculinity" Pulaski was a Polish adventurer and father/mother of the US Cavalry Branch, who's gonna die trying to fend off Lord "I've got a date with india where thing will go better for me" Cornwallis

After Savannah falls, there's alll these loyalists who show up, armed, all eager to please and the Brits are like "YASSS this is what we've been waiting for since the beginning. The loyal Americans who will fight this war for us"

Yeah, they were looking for their Sunni awakening

So Cornwallis goes fucking apeshit, because he Knows this is what Lord Germain wants, and so now he strikes at Charleston SC in spring of 1780 but Benny Lincoln has 5000 troops there and Charleston is all "we good, we fought off attacks in 1776 and 1779"

But then Cornwallis gets all tricky, outmaneuvers Lincoln and BAM

May 12, 1780, and Lincoln surrenders and the southern department is basically

Well

Royally fucked

Literally

But hey! Not to worry! The genuies... Geniuses... There we go. The.. those people.. in the continental congress have this shit on lock, right? They go over Georgie's head and appoint the HERO OF SARATOGA to command of the non existent southern. Department

But hey

Hey

Horatio Gates, the so-called Hero of Saratoga, basically sat on his posterior during Saratoga. Benny Arnold did all the leading. And by now, due to a) poor officer career management b) him being an egotistical prick he's now wearing red

Anyhoo. Gates. On the scene

No, no, no WAIT

WE'RE TALKING about Benedict Arnold, who carried ALL the ear on the. No. War. In. The. North. There we go. Carried that shit. From 1775 to 1777. And then got passed the hell over by the Cont Cong because Benny was kinda a dick

But

So did Danny Morgan

Look, both Arnold and Morgan gonna be getting into shit from 1775 on

They both gonna get WIA

Both gonna break British stuff

Both gonna literally carry the war

Both gonna get passed over by the Cont Cong

A lesson in officer career management, IF YOU WILL

and I will

Arnold, well, he goes traitor, so fuckkkkkk himmmmm

Morgan, he goes 'fuck this, I'm out' and goes back to his farm because you know, not from Connecticut like Arnold

Aaaaaand when everything goes to shit on the south, morgan comes out of retirement

Like Rambo

But anyhoo, Gates goes south and IMMEDIATELY proposes to ATTACK with the, lik, 2000 troops he has left

Congress sends him to go build an army so he commits what's he's got to battle at Camden, SC and

It

Um

Doesn't go great

Gates promptly loses literally everything in the south and gets German-French Johann de Kalb killed as he tries to extract his brigade from a nightmare situation and so Gates valiantly fights back

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no he runs away for 180 miles

So, shit is precisely and absolutely screwed for the Continental Army in the south, right?

Wrongggg

GW does one of those things that are lik, magical, and appoint Nathaniel "god, I hate staff life but I'M SO GOOD AT IT" Greene to lead the southern department

Now, in the south, shit is fucked

I know I've used these qualitative words before, but I've never meant them with such heartfelt certitude

It's a straight up civil war

Like
.
Horrible

There's no such thing as a good civil war. It is all terrible

But Greene is chill. "I got this, fam" is the feeling he exudes. He gets everyone food. Clothing. Ammo. Boats. It's like

Wait

Boats?

Oh yes

N Green real, ies there's rivers ALL UP IN HERE and that if he can do that wet gap crossing* game, he can win

*Phrasing

To start off, Greene splits his force, which is, well, no, you don't do that. But one part was under Daniel "I punched a British officer in the seven years war & then got flogged for it, kinky, right?" Morgan

Oh yes, Rambo is back. Or, you know, the guy Arnold plays in Commando

Morgan, he draws out Banastre Tarleton, as played by @jasonsfolly BRILLIANTLY, like, give this man ALL THE AWARDS

anyways. DM, HE GETS it. He knows the militia gonna run, it's what they do. He just asks them for 2 volleys. That's all. Riflemen in front, then militia, then Cont

Jan 17, 1781, and the Brits bear down on morgan aaaaaand the militia give 2 volleys & bounce, then the Continentals UNLEASH on the Brits, like it's open season for Redcoats and then FRIGGIN CHARGE with the bayonet and the Americans aren't supposed to be able to do thissss

The Brits over commit, get confused, then suddenly there's militia on one flank, coming back like a cold sore you just can't quit, and then Willy Washington's cavalry on the other side and all of a sudden Tarleton realizes he is FUCKED and runs & runs & runs away

That's Cowpens

Good ol Lord Cornwallis, when he hears about Tarleton's defeat & the 500 prisoners he's lost, says that Cowpens broke his heart

Well

Add that to the list of British thing that Daniel Morgan done broke in his long career

Now, you might be asking, yo, ASO, we were promised Yorktown

And, like Kipling, I will tell you, patience, O Jerusalem

I'll get there

Because yorktown happened only because Corny Walls Walls can't get to grips with Greene. But boy o boy does he want to

He wants to do badly that he's gonna chase Greene allllll the way into NC, over many rivers, that Greene gonna casually cross, with his boats

Finally, gonna fight it out at Guilford Courthouse in NC. It's a nominal Brit victory, but Cornface takes losses he can't replace

"The American fought like demons" Cornwally is gonna say after Guildford CH. Well, then, YA SHOULDA KNOWN, bud. He gets his resdcoated ass back to Wilmington & decides what to do.

Coz the Sunni Awakening ain't happening (that's OIF shade, yo) & the loyalists don't wanna

The our Earl gets a BRAINWAVE. Gotta think center of gravity, even tho that shit hasn't been invented by Clausewitz yet. How is Greene surviving, Corndog asks? Virginia. So simple! Occupy VA, cut off Greene, et voila, victory

Too doggone easy. Corny moves to Yorktown, VA

Now there's 8000 Brit troops in Yorktown and VA, but G Washington sees this as the chance he's been waiting for, to get that sweet combined American-French operation going. Adm De Grasse is gonna have his French ships in the Chesapeake in Aug, and they wanna partyyyyy

In August, 4k French troops March down from Rhode Island, the only time I'll ever mention that weird ass place, and link up with GW at NYC. GW gonna leave 2k troops outside NYC where there's like 8 times their number of Brits, but it's ok, the Brits don't have an EZpass

GW rushes south with all teh troopz, and meanwhile, something IMPORTANT goes down

navy shit

Yeah, that's right. The most decisive part of this action is the damn navy

Not even the us navy

The French Navy

Everyone drink. Lift one high for De Grasse & the French Navy

Toast to September 5 and the Battle of the Capes where De Grasse and Admiral Tommy Graves duke it off Chesapeake Bay, broadsides and all

An inconclusive naval action

That lasts 3 days

Time enough to land French troops, siege guns, and alllllll the good shit

Thx, Navy stuff

By September 26 1681 or 1781, one of those, G Wash and Rochambet no. Rochambeau. There we go. Well, they've arrived. At yorktown. And suddenly there's 6k continentals and 3k milita and 6k French troops and there's Corny McCornface in Yorktown like

and now must warn you

SEXY ENGINEER SHIT TO FOLLOW

cause it's a GD SIEGE

and on the night of oct 5, the engineers are out staking the line. Gabions r rolled in. And the earthworks go up for the first parallel. Then gun platforms

And by Oct 9 the guns are going

See, a siege is basically using math to kill people

Or get them to surrender

It's all about them sexy angles. And lines of fire. That first parallel gave a line of fire. But they needed to get closer. Another parallel

ALL THE PARALLELS

*dies in paroxysm of engineerness*

That second parallel tho

There's a problem

The Brits have erected (HA!) two fortified positions called redoubts, right in the way

Demmed inconsiderate

October 14, it's time to take redoubts numbers 9 & 10. The French have 9, Americans 10

Btw this is a redoubt

Yeah, that's right, they're just big piles of FUCK U AND YOUR PLANS becauze they're designed to break up the cohesiveness of an attack and holy HELL did that gin hit fast

Damn. On we go tho.

To take Redoubt Number 10, you got that bastard. Orphan. Son of a whore and a Scotsman

Orders are to go in with surprise and mass, those two principles of warfare. Hamilton gathers the light companies of the Continental regiments. Unloaded muskets with bayonets. Some men with bayonets on poles. Code word: Rochambeau

Natch, US soldiers turn this into

RUSH ON BOYS

Code word comes down and the artillery goes off with a roar, covering fire for the attacks across the open area, taken in a rush

Now the deal is

Whoever takes their redoubt first, helps the other

As soon as the first axes begin on # 10, Hamilton sends a runner to say

The sappers axe down the fence and abatis, obvs, because clear the way, duh, and then over go the infantry. Redoubts 9 & 10 are secured, in quick, bloody fighting

Quickly followed by artillery

Quickly followed by Cornwallis regretting all the things and tryna bust out

You can have all the best generals on your side, all the best troops

But

That doesn't mean the weather will cooperate

As Cornwaly tries to evacuate across to Gloucester Point, a storm forces his transports back on Oct 16

Shoulda listened to his S2 with the weather report

Morning of Oct 17

Over the top of the British works

A lone drummer boy. Beating the parley under a white flag

Cornwallis knows what's up

What he doesn't know

Is that Clinton in NYC has just sent reinforcements

That timing tho

Cause Lord C surrenders 3 days later

And oh, how did that world turn right upside down, with the second British field army surrendering to a "rabble in arms"

A rabble where black & white men served together, in the brief moment before before the southern states could kick up a fuss

A rare moment of equality

Yorktown is what's gonna bring about the Treaty of Paris in 1783, with a free United States and a whole new birth of freedom... Except.. well. Not quite. The Articles of Confederation suck, and so the US Constitution will fix it, signed on this day in 1787.

Right?

Sigh

No

During the convention, MA and PA delegates will loudly point out the lunacy of saying that all men are created equal at the same time that the convention debated counting enslaved persons as 3/5 of a vote

It doesn't make sense, they say

And the Slavers will hold them hostage

1787 would not bring that birth of freedom. It would not be until the final challenge to emancipation, to the constitution, that we could yet begin to get closer.

On this date in 1862, that final challenge from the slavers rebellion would threaten to upend the entire thing

The bloodiest day in American history would lead to that emancipation that was the promise of the Constitution - a year later, President Lincoln would refer to that new birth of freedom

It is that, that is the promise of Yorktown. We are always living the Revolution

So, uh, yeah, that's the #drunjhistory of Yorktown

Tip your delivery drivers

Pet your dogs and cats

Acknowledge our flaws and brokenness

Keep fighting for the dream that is this nation, until it becomes true for everyone

Also, pet your cats. Someone advises this.

Omg who let me drink gin of a work night

It was me, wasn't it

The epilogue is never as fun as the main event

Everyone please walk softly and speak on low tones