Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #drunjhistory

Most recents (16)




You look like you've had a goddam hard week

Have ya ever heard about this dude

He had a mustache

And spoke seven languages

And had this fuckin weird ass affinity for bayonets

Oh yes

I'm talking about THAT professor

Joshua "bayonets" Chamberlain
Joshua Lawrence Mustache Bayonets Chamberlain was born on September 8, 1828 in Brewah, Maine, bub, which is just next to Bangor NOT BANGER that's something you have with mash or something a daddy and mommy do when they love each other VERY MUCH thank you very much
Joshy was the eldest of five kids, a pretty small ass family for the time. His dad wanted him to go into the military which was IRONIC AF considering that HIS DAD underwent court martial for running the fuck away during the War of 1812. Maybe the old guy wanted redemption
Read 52 tweets
Aw shit son. I almost forgot but @USArmyCMH reminded me. It's the anniversary of the start of the Peninsula Campaign

Whaaaaaat you tellin me you never heard about that time that George B McClellan defeated hisself?

There have been own goals in history but this one is EPIC
Look, lets be real here. After first bull run, shit was NOT toight in the US Army

When George B shows up, he brings the noise AND the funk. Well, at least to admin and logistics and stuff. He makes this dope ass army called the Army of the Potomac because hey, we LOVE RIVERS
Naw, straight up, we in the Army love rivers. We name all our battles after them. And campaigns. Bull Run? Issa creek. Aisne-Marne? TWO rivers. That one got some planner wicked excited in his army issued underpants area, you know it.

Anyhoo... Digressing
Read 19 tweets
Hei there do you have a quick moment to talk about the battle of Antietam?

I know we're doing social distancing but ya wanna know the secret to social distancing? Double canister. It distances ERRYTHING

So hello, yes, I'm gin and I'd like to tell you about an important history
I mean goddam right, who doesn't love a complete boondoggle on the Potomac, even though there was NO BOON and even LESS DOGGLE

but I digresssss

It's 1862

September if anyone is counting. And they should be.

Shit has not been awesome for the US of A this year
Like, first off, you got our Potomac Army boys getting within bell ringing distance of Richmond (it's a measurement, don't look it up, who ya gonna believe, me or the internet) before Little Mac realizes he left the brownies in the oven and hightails it back down the peninsula
Read 31 tweets
Well that's just unfuckingceptable

We should probably do something to change that, huh
So the year was 1777. Envision it in your minds eye. Yeah. You see it now. I can feel that you do. Its super 18th century. So here's the sitch

Ya got Gentleman "goddam do I love my champagne" Jonny Burgoyne up Lake Champlain with some good ideas. The best ideas. He has them
Now Jonny, he loves his champers. But even more, he loves his idea of heading down Lake Champlain and seizing Albany while a force under general Clinton - chill out, GOPers, there was a general Clinton for each side - cruises on up the Hudson from NYC to split shit in TWAIN

Read 46 tweets
It's a pho and gin night

ya know what happened today in 17fucking76?

Harry "YEAH, I've got GIRTH, Biznatch" Knox arrives in Cambridge Mass outside Boston with his NOBLE ASS TRAIN OF ARTILLLLERYYYYYYYY

Oh yessss

The siege of Boston bout to get LIT yalllllllllll
This goes out to all my Massholes out there - much love, ya wicked fuckahs

Now. Let's set the mood. It's 1776. A WHOLE BRAND NEW YEAR TO KICK BRIT ASS, IS WHAT

And GW is sitting outside Boston moping because while he's got the Brits trapped, he can't reach out & touch them
Read 23 tweets
Sweet hell in a hand basket, what a day

There's a distinct possibility that y'all are gonna get hit with some drunk Navy history this evening
Welp. So. Hey there. Have had some @haymansgin, Navy Strength of course. Look. You seem sad. Lemme cheer you up

You ever hear bout that one time. That one time these guys like did this thing. With boats. Dammit. Capturing a boat. This isn't beginning well. ITS DECATUR, DAMMIT
Ok so it's 18fuckin03, and the US Navy consists of like two ships and a bucket. With a hole in it. Okay, maybe not that bad, but it ain't great. But hey, there are these pirate dudes. Like, all up in our shit. And we can't trade for shit in the Med because PIRATES DUDE
Read 30 tweets
Psst. Hey. Kids. Wanna learn about this bitchin battle where a rag tag group of Continentals take on a dude called Gentleman Jonny and a buncha German mercs in upstate NY?

Obvs you do. Who wouldn't?

Yeah, that's right. It's #drunjhistory time

Ok. So. It's like 1777. Cool year. We just declared Independence and all that but we kinda are having a hard time backing that shit up


Anyways. Things aren't looking great. We've got troops errywhere and we're like "where those perfidious albionites gonna come from next"
The Brits are poised - oh yes, I'm cogent enough to say poised - to attack from anywhere from Philly to NYC to literally anywhere along Lake Champlain.

Wait. Hold up. I'm being a bad officer. I gotta define the AO and AOI. 5 points from Hufflepuff.
Read 31 tweets
It's Friday damn night and I've had some wine and I've had some gin, and you know, I've got to thinking


Ethan Allen. How did a dude who was basically a crazed religious land pirate get remembered as this upstanding father of the American revolution?

Obvs I'm gonna tell yu
Ok, so whaddwe know about good ol Ethan. We know he does shit in Vermont. He's got Green Mountain Boys. There's some fort Ticonderoga. And then...well, not much past that. Which is good because land pirrate.

Like, it doesn't start out good for him. He's born on Connecticut. Bad
I mean, IN CONNECTICUT, although also possibly on. I dunno, I wasn't there. That's the problem with the history shit. Ok. Um. Yes. Ethan's dad is SUPER DUPER religious. He gets borned just around the time when everyone's been having Great Awakenings and shit. Puritans gone wild
Read 26 tweets
After a shit day after a shit week I'm having some @WyndridgeFarm Crafty Cider; time for an impromptu #drunjhistory about the Hinokiyama Incident of 1714, or "that time the gang nearly went to war over some cypress." Peony=Tsugaru crest, Cranes=Nanbu crest. #twitterstorians
Alright so: I need to set the stage here. In the 16th century, Oura Tamenobu was a vassal of and cousin to the house of Nanbu, in northern Japan, who oversaw the Tsugaru district, in the northern tip of Honshu. He wasn't particularly a fan of obeying Nanbu. (Hella beard btw)
So at this point Toyotomi Hideyoshi is the de facto ruler of Japan. Tamenobu does an end run around the Nanbu clan and pledges fealty to Hideyoshi BEFORE his nominal Nanbu bosses did-- making him a vassal to Hideyoshi, and guaranteeing his family's independence.
Read 24 tweets
#thread Gather round, my children, harken to my tale. So I'm hanging out at a bar full of furries & nursing a bottle of my favorite drink. It's time to begin the story of Date Masamune: epically flamboyant pansexual badass & 16th century Japanese warlord. It's #drunjhistory time!
Alright, so let's get this thing rollin, shall we?

The year: 1591. The place: Kyoto. Toyotomi Hideyoshi- this guy right here- rules most of Japan as imperial regent, and he is *pissed*.
See he's been trying to unify Japan for awhile and drag it out of nearly a century of constant war. His former boss, Oda Nobunaga, died trying to do it. But Hideyoshi is damn near close, and it's almost a done deal, when there's a revolt in the north.
Read 36 tweets
GATHER ROUND CHILDREN I have story to tell. I've dug into the gin and I've got a few things I wanna talk about

Namely. That one time in 1775 that Benny Arnold decided that he was totes gonna take Canada. By walking through the GODDAM BACKWOODS OF MAINE

thread obvs
Ok. So. This one time, in 1775, there was this thing. Called like, a revolution or something. Shit went down at Lexington. Major shit went down at Concord. And then on June 17, some colossal shit went down on Breeds Hill. You're tracking, right?

Shit. Going. Down.
This whole goddam thing is popping off and the Continental Congress starts forming up and they wave their magic founding father wands and make an Army outta thin air and give it to George "I fucked up at Fort Neccesity" Washington. Georgie runs off to Boston to meet his army
Read 41 tweets
Oh hotdamn, y'all. Know what today is? Another bleeding war no one knows about because no one died in it but hey, it's a damn fuckin war and so we gotta chat bout this shit, ok?

So, it's 1839 and all, and 19yo Maine is all adolescent and wants to declare war on Canada

Yup yup
Right. So. Remember the War of 1812? That was a thing, you know. Like, a thing. And then there was the treaty of Ghent which was supposed to solve all the shit that the Treaty of Paris on 1783 hadnt been able to workout, prolly cause John Jay was lit af. But it didn't.
Well, it did solve some of the stuff but it couldn't really figger out that whole border between New Brunswick and Massachusetts. Britain thought the border went way lower, the US thought it went way higher. Predictably, everyone moves into the space in between. Figures
Read 18 tweets
Hai I've had some wine and realized today is an AUSPICIOUS day I. The history of the things of the country and stuff. HARK TO MY TALE.

so a long time ago in a northwest territory far far away, there was almost a war about Toledo

Ohio. Toledo, Ohio.

I know right
Look . This all goes back to SHITTY TREATY WRITING. if the Brits hadn't been in SO MUCH OF A HURRY to cut out and run back to their tea after the Treaty of Paris, maybe shit like this wouldn't have happened grumble grumble grumble

The important shit to know here is that there's the issue with surveying the boundary and the whole vague issue of like, what, and where some of the Great lakes were. Like one does. The Northwest Ordinance was like "no they're here" the the NO was the shit, dude
Read 26 tweets
Did you know that today is the anniversary of some green midwesterners punching the vaunted and veteran Stonewall Division right in the face?

Details to follow at gin-o-clock

listen. Listen. I've got a story. Shuttup and don't interrupt. Ahem.

Once upon a goddam time, on August 28 1862, Thomas Jonathan Jackson made a horrible decision at Brawner's Farm. Ya heard? #drunjhistory
Ok so here's the Lil thing here. Ya gotta understand some shit. It's 1862 which is a helluva year for our ol country because we've got this civil war and stuff going on. By August, it's that time of year for "let's go shoot everything in northern Virginia, k guys?"
Read 27 tweets
GUYS. Guess what happens in 45 minutes? It's August 19. Know what that means? It's the anniversary of the USS Constitution versus the HMS Guerriere. KNOW what that means? IT'S TIME TO DRINK DRINKS AND TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE WARSHIP, SHE IS SO HOT YOU GUYS
Ok, so, look. The Constitution. Way back when in like the dawn of time or whatever, I dunno, everyone from then is dead, well, GW gets this law to allow for six friggin frigates built. Which is CLUTCH bc T Jeff is gonna be all "gunboats, fuckers" which DOESNT WORK
Anyhoo, six frigates. Built up and down the northeast and Mid-Atlantic. Six of em. If you're counting. This is a big deal because the US Navy at this time consists of 6 dudes in a coracle with a rusted musket. Ok, not that bad but damn, not far off you guys
Read 27 tweets
GUYS. I have some thoughts. It's been 243 some years since some people dug a hole on top of a hill on Charlestown BUT HANG ON WITH YOUR JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT but yes this about Bunker Hill and I've had Gin.
So like, on June 16, 1775, there's General Thomas Gage hanging the fuck out in Boston, and he's like "yo, Tommy Howe, there's that hill over there in Charlestown and it's bugging me old chap" and Howe was like "yessir, hill taken just like yesterday's mistress, sah"
So all the Brits are like, "shit, we gotta cross the Charles River tomorrow" and this gets out to some of the local drunks, aka, the sons of liberty because yeah, RevWar HUMINT was just drunk guys yelling "SAM, TOM'S MAHCHING AGAIN, WICKED, RIGHT?"
Read 34 tweets

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