Thread by @PGeeman

1.Hello and welcome! It’s episode 315 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.

2. Last week, we treated the topic: “Make me your priority” Missed it? Catch up here: wakelet.com/wake/5cVRyMaJ0…
#MrMrsBetterHalf

3. This week, we will be discussing, “I think sex is overrated, is it just me?!” This question came from a newly married person and could be an example of not managing one’s expectations. #MrMrsBetterHalf

4. Have you ever heard about a new restaurant or spa or movie and built it up so much in your mind that the actual experience did not match up? That is the problem with hype: sometimes it sets you up for disappointment. #MrMrsBetterHalf

5. People who were celibate before marriage would justifiably have been very excited about sex and the truth this is that it is something to anticipate. However great sex doesn't happen automatically for everyone. #MrMrsBetterHalf

6. Also, movies, books and songs aren’t much help. They talk about how mind-blowing and earth-shattering sex is going to be and when that is not your experience the first few times, it can be a real let down. #MrMrsBetterHalf

7. When your expectation is exaggerated; disappointment is inevitable, whether sexually or otherwise. If you were sexually active before marriage and are feeling let down by an inexperienced spouse - your spouse is not at fault. #MrMrsBetterHalf

8. Sexual experience is generic, not specific and your spouse is a different person with different needs. Your spouse may not like what your past partners liked. #MrMrsBetterHalf

9. Besides, you need to leave your past in your past. Don’t import old boy/girlfriend moves into your bedroom. You need to understand your spouse and take time to know and learn to please each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf

10. Don’t compare your spouse with past partners or long for them. Cling to your spouse and commit to learning how to please him or her while also enjoying the experience. #MrMrsBetterHalf

11. Remember that casual sex is focused on just meeting physical needs. Sex in marriage is real lovemaking - and it is more about meeting emotional needs, being selfless and building intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

12. For the inexperienced person who is feeling let down, that your experience has not been great doesn’t mean it cannot be great. You grow into greatness. Focus more on how to get things better. #MrMrsBetterHalf

13. It starts with information and communication. Have you told your spouse you are not enjoying sex? Even though this sounds like a woman’s complaint, men also experience dissatisfaction in intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

14. If you haven’t told your spouse you don’t enjoy your lovemaking, or you are faking it, then your spouse wouldn’t know and it won’t be an issue to address. #MrMrsBetterHalf

15. Many newlyweds don’t want to talk about sex in detail with their partners because they want to appear chaste and naïve, and don’t want to be pushy, critical or be perceived as perverts or nymphomaniacs. #MrMrsBetterHalf

16. You must be able to communicate before, during and after lovemaking. Depending on the situation, you can communicate both verbally and via body language. #MrMrsBetterHalf

17. The two of you must agree to create an enabling environment for honest discussions and feedback even as it regards your intimacy. You should commit to being truthful, frank and kind in your feedback to each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf

18. Sometimes, people feel discomfort or pain during sex. A small gasp or gentle push to your spouse can communicate discomfort so he or she stops. The reverse is the case if s/he is doing something right. #MrMrsBetterHalf

19. If you don’t say anything, they will just assume that you’re fine and that they’re satisfying you, which might lead to more frustration on your part. #MrMrsBetterHalf

20. If you are uncomfortable with certain styles or requests in the bedroom, don’t be shy about expressing your discomfort or displeasure. Talking about it doesn’t have to kill the atmosphere; it can enhance it. #MrMrsBetterHalf

21. Communication should also not be only negative. Exchange endearments, affirmations and sweet nothings. You shouldn’t be making love in silence like it’s a transaction – that doesn’t enhance lovemaking or bonding. #MrMrsBetterHalf

22. Have a heart of mutual submission. Now, this doesn’t mean domination or letting your spouse hurt you; this is a mutual commitment to being selfless and showing love to the other person. #MrMrsBetterHalf

23. Remember that in marriage, your body is not just your own - you submit it to your spouse and vice versa. You are to mutually enjoy each other. That’s how to achieve real intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf

24. If your aim and objective during lovemaking is not to satisfy yourself but to show your love to your spouse and give him or her pleasure, you are both likely to enjoy the process a lot more than you are doing now. #MrMrsBetterHalf

25. Pay attention to non-sexual communication too. How do you treat each other generally? Are you kind, respectful and considerate? Are you friends? Do you joke and laugh together? #MrMrsBetterHalf

26. Your feelings for each other show up in the bedroom. If you quarrelled or treat each other shabbily or unkindly, you will not practice mutual submission and it is very unlikely that both of you will enjoy lovemaking. #MrMrsBetterHalf

27. How do you talk to each other outside the bedroom? With love or indifference? You can’t talk down on your spouse all day and expect that you’d have a fulfilling sexual life. #MrMrsBetterHalf

28. You can’t make love to your spouse and he or she feels used or worthless afterwards. It means there is a disconnect somewhere. After making love to your spouse, they should feel loved, wanted, needed and appreciated. #MrMrsBetterHalf

29. If either of you doesn’t feel good after, you did not make love, you had sex, which means you didn’t really need your spouse because sex can be with anyone. #MrMrsBetterHalf

30. Be deliberate about educating yourself about sex and intimacy. Read books, attend seminars and get other resources on anatomy, sex and communication – especially if you had no prior experience. #MrMrsBetterHalf

31. These will help you understand your body and your spouse’s as well as give tips on how to make your experience better. I’m talking about books from clinical and relationship experts, not pornography. #MrMrsBetterHalf

32. You could also get creative and switch up the ambience with music, candles and so on. It’s your marriage bed and it meant to be enjoyed, not endured. Make the effort to make it exciting. #MrMrsBetterHalf

33. Having good hygiene and looking good is also important. Odours and untidiness are turn-offs for many people and can make intimacy unpleasant. #MrMrsBetterHalf

34. Finally, if you are seriously experiencing pain or discomfort, see a doctor. It might just be a little challenge, which a small medical intervention can resolve. #MrMrsBetterHalf

35. Remember that this journey is not a sprint; it is a marathon. If the experience wasn’t all that today, it can be better tomorrow. It’s a learning process. #MrMrsBetterHalf

36. Married couples, don't miss this exclusive, real talk program about s$x to help married couples only re-ignite the fire, turn up the heat in the bedroom and address other issues. The theme is S$x: The Bright Side of the Pandemic!

37. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf