Thread by @AlexandraErin

I have only two moods: why do I care so much, and why do you care so much. Everything else is a cunning illusion.

I don't actually exist.

I'm not a real person, I just pay one on Twitter.

I have not been drunk in months and it feels like coming home

I don't have to worry about if I'm an alcholic; I can just search Twitter for the word "ctional" which is not a word but I first tweeted in 2017 in reference to really putting the "ctional" in "functional alcoholic" and I have tweeted on an annual basis since then.

This is eight ounces of wine and a shot of fireball after a summer of not drinking, in case anyone is worried. I am fine. I am an alcohol user, not an alcohol abuser. I am very cognizant of its effects and I make an informed decision.

I have had 8 ounces times 8.6% is 0.6912 ounces of alcohol plus 1.75 times 0.33 ounces of alcohol is 0.5775 ouces of alcohol is1.1450 ound3w s of alcohol but I probably actually had two shots ofFiebally so that's 2.5794 ounces of alcohol but I'm fine, I'm fine, I have exercised.

I an not an alcohol abuser, I am an alcohol user and I can prove it with math and anyway it's the end of history and I'm not crying, you are crying.

I will type in this address by hand to prove that I am sober. This is the way. paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr…

I really should figure out Kofi one of these days, it's better for international commerce. Look how no matte how I drunk I am -- and I am completely sober -- I still spell everything completely perfectly correctly.

It's possible I am drunk tonight and was before the news broke. I keep telling you all I am not an oracle but I picked the night Ruth Bader Ginsburg died to get drunk somehow and isn't that worth something?