Thread by @luuuunadiane

sigh

feeling shitty again from work and i'm gonna vent

like, again, thanks to my shit procrastination habits and lack of communication and exchanges over text message i once again feel like i fucked up

i was supposed to discuss with my coworker ahead of this meeting

god i am just so fucking bad at following instructions especially if they weren't written down to begin with. still suck at following written instructions and terrified of failure, thanks school

i mean i SAY that i want to be that kind of bitch who doesn't care about owning up

to my actions and making mistakes but that shit is still scary, ok, and i still feel afraid to do that and get scolded or mocked for asking stupid questions or making stupid comments, not to mention how it will colour the way my colleagues see me

as much as i have changed over the years, in the end there will always be that incredibly socially anxious and afraid child. big john mulaney energy of "You remember being 12, when you're like, No one look at me or I'll kill myself" yup big fuckin mood

so anyway meeting in about 5 minutes and we'll see if i get chewed out or whatever

and then again as usual i may have overthought all of this

or the fallout won't be so bad

like fuck man why is my procrastination so bad why did i not get this done earlier so i can check what i

was supposed to do

i can pretend that i don't care as much as i want but in the end it just always comes down to this

hahaha can you believe i lied about being meticulous in my job interview and they bought it anyway?? adult life really do be just about lying your ass off

just wanna stop feeling like this but it's all just self-created and pulling myself out of this is gonna be like climbing a mountain with a pair of plastic spoons