If there's a second lockdown, I would like to be the first to start all the jokes from last time again...
- Can I still get Covid-19 if I didn't see the first 18?
- January has 31 days, February has 28, March has 3924
- Cor bloody Joe Wicks
- mmmmmm banana bread/yuck banana bread
ermigerd imagine if GBBO has a banana bread technical? THE SCENES! An entire nation screaming about recipes from their crumb covered sofas
"YOU SIMPLY MUST MASH THE BANANAS YOUNG COMPETITOR WHO WILL GO OUT IN WEEK 5 DUE TO HAVING HAIRBRAINED IDEAS ABOUT CINNAMON FROM THAT 2 WEEKS YOU SPENT IN ASIA THAT ONE TIME"
"Oh old man who has mistaken home baking your family are kind about for actually good baking, you must grease the tin... it's... oh no you're cutting banana bread out of a greaseproof Masterclass with a pair of scissors. Bye."
"Excuse ME woman who cries a lot because of personal things that won't get talked about until the week you are leaving, but your chocolate chips are going to sink if you don't... ah fuck it, I like that shy boy in the nerdy t shirts more. Let them sink."
"Yes style over substance man, that is an impressive yellow perspex banana you have made but IT'S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR FLAVOUR!"
"Dear god no whacky woman with eyeliner and too many pets, you can't JUST use banana essence. What are you even saying? You can't possibly ACTUALLY believe it tastes better? Just put the ingredients in your handbag now because you are OUTTA HERE."
- Noel does a gag about Paul's banana and the young woman Paul fancies giggles just enough for him to keep her in the competition that week -
- There's a gurgling sound coming from a proving drawer, it's opened to reveal Mary Berry curled up inside -
"I like to leave my bananas until they have not just gone soft, but fermented. Then I just drink the alcohol. fuck the bread."
- they close the drawer softly -
"At home I've never managed to do it under 3 weeks but I'm confident that this weekend, in this sweltering tent with all the pressure I'll be able to get it down to 2 hours." says the man whose name no one bothers to learn because he's leaving right now
- it's squatting by the ovens time: the contestants have been practising this for weeks. How to squat and then casually look embarrassed as they turn to camera and say 'I promised myself I wouldn't do this!' before laughing shyly -
- There's a burning smell coming from an oven. The smell of singed bananas caresses the nostrils. Smoke billows out and the soul of half a pound of icing sugar wafts away to heaven. The guy who will somehow stay until the final even though everything is basic looks crestfallen. -
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