1/
#HumanismAlways, Day 4
Patient
“Wait—let me take off my shoes and jacket before you weigh me.”
The nurse shrugged. But the thing is—I know my weight is up. And I don’t need nothing to make it worse. .
Me: “What is it? I can’t look.”
Her: “231.6 today.”
Shit.
2/
Doctor
I’m exhausted. My inbox is exploding and I totally forgot curriculum night was last night.
Shit.
I clicked through the flow sheet.
Nurse: “What you groaning about?”
Me: “Life. And my pt you just checked in gained 8 lbs in 3 months.”
Nurse: “Weight is complicated.”
3/
Patient
If it wasn’t for me needing my medicines? I wouldn’t never come up here. Some doctors treat you like it ain’t in you to be ever healthy.
Especially if you heavy.
It’s like they give up. You can tell. I wish there was a way to just get my prescriptions and leave.
4/
Doctor
I really like Ms. James. But I just don’t get it. Why keep every appt and insist that you want to lose weight over & over again—but show up with fast food?
Then there’s the requests for diet pills. Which is senseless if you won’t change your diet.
But I do like her.
5/
Patient
My doctor is a slim little thing. Narrow about the waist and hips with slender wrists. I find myself wondering if a person like that could ever be overweight.
My guess is no.
Them: “Hey Ms. James. It’s good to see you.”
Me: “It’s good to see you, too.”
Here we go.
6/
Patient
Them: “So, Ms. James. How’ve things been?”
Let’s see. I could share that mama’s dementia is getting worse. And that she don’t know who I am anymore and that my siblings don’t help. Or that I’m worried ‘bout my grandbaby who 4 and don’t talk.
Them: “Ms. James?”
7/
Doctor
She looks out of sorts today. Not her usual spirited self.
Me: “You okay?”
Her: “Me? Oh. Yes. Things are fine. I’m okay.”
*silence*
Me: “Ms. James your sugar was 281 in triage. And your blood pressure was up. Did you get to take your pills and insulin?”
Sigh.
8/
Patient
1. I don’t take that water pill when I catch the bus.
2. I don’t take my insulin if I haven’t eaten.
3. They said come fasting.
4. I take the bus here.
Me: “Not all of them.”
Them: “I really need you to take all your meds before you come.”
I need a lot of stuff.
9/
Doctor
Me: “I want to talk about your weight.”
She sighed.
Me: “We can’t ignore this. I was hoping some of the changes we made might’ve helped you lose instead.”
*silence*
Me: “Did you ever go see the dietitian I referred you to?”
10/
Patient
Here we go.
Dietitian? You mean the one with the extra copay on a whole different day?
Me: “No. I didn’t make it.”
They clicked through screens. And that’s when I saw it. That tiny shift. Body language that moved from disappointed to me being a lost cause.
Yup.
11/
Doctor
The last few times I’ve seen Ms. James she’s gained more weight and had worse control of her medical issues. When I ask she seems blah. But she keeps her appts.
I don’t get it.
I care about her. And I want her to be well. So you know what? I tell her just that.
12/
Patient
It caught me off guard when my doctor stopped typing and stared straight in my face. Almost on the brink of tears.
Them: “Ms. James? I care about you so much. You’ve been seeing me since I was an intern.”
I was speechless.
Them: “What’s going on with you?”
13/
Doctor
I couldn’t believe my ears. Just one little question in this whole world of stress and pain was opened up to me. And all this time I never knew any of that.
Damn.
How was I supposed to know about her mama? Or her grandson?
The same way I found out today. By asking.
14/
Patient
I’m so glad it was some tissues in that room today! Nobody ever seem to ask how I felt about nothing. So once I got started telling my piece, those tears just started to flowing.
I talked about my mama.
And my grandson, too.
And how scared I am.
15/
Doctor
She told me this had all been going on for a while. She even started crying which surprised me since she’s usually so stoic.
Then, something really strange happened. She asked about me.
Her: “What about you, doctor? You seem like you flying on one wing, too.”
Me?
16/
Patient
One thing I do know about is loving on and raising up kids. I told my doctor that if you just love ‘em they’ll turn out just fine. Even if you missed the curriculum night.
Me: “Trust me on that.”
Like I said, I’m glad it was some tissues in there.
17/
Doctor
I was embarrassed when Ms. James saw me cry. But right away she made me feel better.
Her: “We a crying mess, ain’t we?”
That made us both just laugh and laugh.
That day? We had our first real conversation about her health. And together, we came up with a plan.
18/
Patient
This was the first time I left the doctors office and didn’t feel bad. Matter of fact, I felt good.
Happy even.
And I didn’t even know about all the stuff the social worker told me when she came in. To help with my mama AND my grand baby.
I might cry again.
19/
Doctor
Nurse Kay saw me in the hall and asked how it went.
Me: “Good. Really good.”
Nurse: “I’m so glad.”
Me: “You were right. Weight is complicated.”
People aren’t, though.
We all want feel seen. And make sure those we love are okay.
That’s all.
#7daysofHumanism
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